


Through the Looking Glass

by Greysgate



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Be Careful What You Wish For, Child Murder, F/M, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Secretly a Virgin, character blindness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 18:18:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 49,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14795537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greysgate/pseuds/Greysgate
Summary: Following Daniel's death, Jack is having trouble going on with his life. When he finds another quantum mirror, he decides to take a chance and follow his heart.





	1. The End

“I am _soooo_ done with this shit.” 

Jack sat on the sofa, sipping the last of the whisky, feeling the burn as it trickled down his throat. He set the drained tumbler down firmly on the coffee table and wished there was just a little more in the bottle. But it was empty, and so was he. 

He sighed, and lifted his hands to rub his weary face, forgetting for a moment that there was a pistol in his grip. The metal was warmed by his hands and clanked a little hard against his right browbone, but it didn’t hurt much. That sort of pain was insignificant now. The real pain was _inside_ , where no one could see the open wound. 

“Daniel,” he whispered, lowering his hands to his lap with a dull slap. 

Silence answered. 

Daniel Jackson was dead, had been for weeks now. In that time, Jack had shooed off nearly every academic on the SGC staff. He’d been tolerant of the woman they’d saddled SG-1 with lately, but he was on a personal campaign to get Doctor Ann Willoughby to ask for reassignment. Except that Jonas Quinn was waiting in the wings, and Jack knew Hammond would put the Kelownan on the team unless the Colonel made a choice and stuck with it. 

He refused to allow the man whose cowardice had killed his best friend to walk beside Jack O’Neill and watch his back. Just couldn’t do it. _Period._

And lately, Jack had been finding it harder to make it through another day without Daniel. It was better off-world, because there was usually something to keep his mind alive – looking out for the welfare of his team was the only thing that worked anymore. He didn’t care about the planet or the human race anymore. None of that mattered without Daniel. 

_“These people don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. It’s a shame you’re in such a hurry to.”_

Those words echoed in his brain, spoken so softly in the Abydonian night. 

Jack opened his eyes and stuie the pistol in his hand. There was one bullet in the chamber, waiting. He’d put it there himself every night for the past week, and then taken it out again when the ghosts came to visit. Those gossamer memories were all that got him through the nights anymore. 

“No one should have to outlive their own child,” he reminded the ghost. “Or the love of a lifetime.” Closing his eyes, he summoned up a memory of Charlie, comforting now, but devastating shortly after his loss. The cure for his grief had been Daniel Jackson, and now he was gone, too. _Horribly_. Irrevocably. 

Jack O’Neill had died with him, inside. He’d walked out of the infirmary that night and bought a pack of cigarettes on the way home. He didn’t take them off world or smoke on the base, but when he was out in the world he had one constantly lit. It was a death wish and he recognized that, but lung cancer took far too long to accomplish the purpose he’d set for it. 

Jack fondled the gun with a sigh. He pressed the muzzle up under his chin and held it there, eyes tightly closed, summoning up every bit of strength he had left in his soul. But Daniel had shown him it didn’t take _strength_ to kill yourself. It took _weakness_. Cowardice. Selfishness. 

_Unless you were sacrificing yourself to save an entire world._

With a strangled sob, Jack took his finger off the trigger and laid the pistol in his lap. He pulled the slide back and ejected the bullet one last time, then headed for his office to lock the weapon and ammo up. Stomping upstairs, he felt his heart rip in two and wondered how that could happen every single night. Surely it had to be the size of confetti by now, but every night it seemed huge in his chest, the torture unbearable. Jack just couldn’t take any more of this. One more night, and that would be the end of him. He just couldn’t take any more of that kind of pain. 

He flopped fully dressed on his bed, face down on the pillows. Inhaling deeply, he smelled… 

“Oh, God,” he sobbed. A flood of tears broke free of him. He clutched the pillow to his face so hard he could barely breathe. 

_It smelled like Daniel._

* * *

 

“The ruins are just up this way, sir,” Carter called, pointing toward a narrow passageway in the high canyon walls above them. 

Jack was staring at the damp reddish dirt on his boots, slogging through it as he followed along, his thoughts centered on memories rather than mission. He could hardly breathe, he was so weary. Just putting one foot in front of the other was the hardest work he could ever remember doing.  
  
”Are you unwell, Colonel O’Neill?” Teal’c rumbled quietly, touching his shoulder. 

“I’m fuckin’ dyin’, T, but thanks for asking.” He lifted his head and trudged on wearily after the women. Doctor Willoughby was just disappearing with Carter around the bend, and he pushed himself to catch up. “I’m fine, just… fine. Don’t worry about me.” 

Once they came out of the canyon onto the plateau where the dead city lay, Jack lifted his head and straightened. Soldier instinct kicked in and he scanned the horizon for potential threats to his team. Aside from a few things that could be called birds on a good day, there was nothing moving anywhere. 

Still, they had to investigate. Willoughby started with inscriptions on some pillars framing the city’s entrance, while Carter and Teal’c moved down what was once a main thoroughfare. As they traveled down the street, the major peeled off to check out some ruined machine with a tree growing out of it, and Teal’c ambled along in Jack’s wake, hovering protectively. 

The Jaffa seemed to realize how fragile his commander was, though there was nothing he could do about it. O’Neill was beyond help. Jack ignored his companion and tried to get back to business. 

The city was perched on the flat top of a wide ledge of land at the base of another cliff riddled with canyons. The Colonel walked the length of that main street all the way to the end, following the sun. He hadn’t looked right or left, hadn’t noticed anything of interest until he passed through a circular doorway in the wall at the far end of the lane. Emerging from beneath the vines that had all but overgrown the doorway, he stopped and stared. 

A platform jutted off the edge of the cliff. It was round, and there was a vaguely triangular object in the center of it shaped sort of like a harp, all ugly gray stone except for its brightly polished, reflective center. The thing was surrounded by twelve smaller platforms, each holding a statue of the same woman in a variety of poses, with vastly different facial expressions. One of the figures knelt beside the other object, her hands raised as if in supplication. And she was holding something. 

Jack moved up to the platform and took the little machine from the statue’s grasp, his heart hammering in his chest. 

“O’Neill,” Teal’c called in warning. 

But the Colonel barely heard him. His mouth had gone dry. Adrenaline shot through his body, waking him up from what felt like a sleep worthy of Rip Van Winkle. He switched the device on and smiled. 

He thought his face was going to crack from the unfamiliar expression. 

A large, warm hand settled on his shoulder, pulling him back to the here and now. He turned, looking up into those liquid black eyes that saw so much, and understood everything. “I have to go, Teal’c,” Jack told him breathlessly. His voice sounded funny in his ears, thick and coarse. “I can’t stay here, or I’ll end up putting a bullet in my brain. You know that.” 

The Jaffa nodded. “Be careful, O’Neill. Choose well. I will explain to MajorCarter and DoctorWilloughby.” 

Jack hugged the big man fiercely for a moment, then walked up to the quantum mirror. 

“O’Neill,” Teal’c called. “Memorize this, and repeat it when you believe you have found the right universe. _‘Tal shek nel mala por tiu ka ek.’_ “ 

Jack repeated the phrase until he got it right. “What’s that mean?” He asked, stepping closer to the mirror, mumbling the phonetic sounds to himself until he got it right and received a nod from Teal’c. 

“Ask Danieljackson. He will know… if he is the right one.” The Jaffa lifted his arm and laid it across his chest, offering a bow of respect to one he honored greatly. “And as General Hammond would say… Godspeed.” 

Jack smiled at his old friend and turned toward the mirror. He dialed left one increment, and the cityscape changed slightly. Four men in SGC uniforms stood looking back at him. With a whoop of joy, the Colonel touched the cold panel and felt the electric shock pass through him. 

And stood face to face with Colonel Makepeace, Ferreti, Kawalski… and Daniel Jackson, alive and well. 

“Is Jack O’Neill alive in this universe?” Jack demanded, eyes fixed to Daniel’s. He slipped the mirror controls into his trouser pocket. 

The man looked at him as if he was a stranger. 

“Colonel O’Neill blew his brains out after his son died,” volunteered Kawalski. “Who the hell are you?” 

But Jack was dancing a jig, cheering to heaven and thanking God for the favor. When he managed to compose himself, he turned back to the group, staring like they were face to face with a lunatic. “ _I’m_ Colonel Jack O’Neill,” he declared. “From an alternate universe.” He pointed to the device behind him. “That’s a quantum mirror. It allows passage between all possible universes. There’s problems when two of the same people exist in the same universe, but if your O’Neill is dead, I’ll be okay here.” 

“What are you running from?” Makepeace demanded suspiciously. 

“Not _from_ ,” Jack corrected. “ _To_. I assume you’re fighting the Goa’uld here, too?” 

“Isn’t everybody?” Ferreti asked. 

“In some of the universes, it’s too late. There are a lot of Earths that have been taken over or destroyed outright. But if you want me, I’m here to help.” He spread his hands wide, grinning from ear to ear, his eyes on Daniel’s perplexed face. 

“So, who is this guy?” Jackson asked. “You guys know him?” 

“I did,” Kawalski volunteered. “But he was an asshole. Military screw-up. Got tossed out of Special Ops on his ass for feeling up a lady captain. His wife wasn’t too thrilled about it, either.” 

That brought Jack up short. Daniel didn’t know him because the Jack in this reality died before the first Abydos mission. But _that_ the late O’Neill was a poor soldier and husband… That didn’t bode well. 

“Well, in my reality, I’m second in command at the base you guys came from,” Jack told them firmly. “I may still be an asshole, but I’m good at what I do for Uncle Sam. I’ve been on SG-1 for five years and brought my kids home every mission.” 

Except the one that mattered. They didn’t need to know about that, just yet. He had several cards he’d hold close to the vest until he got the lay of this new landscape, and the Daniel living in it. And if everything fit, he’d give them the benefit of everything he knew. 

“This mirror thing,” Makepeace said with a jerk of his chin toward the platform, “how does it work?” 

“I am _so_ not the right person to ask that,” Jack shot back. “Have you got a Sam Carter in this universe? She’s a Major and a Ph.D. in mine.” 

“Just a doctor here,” Daniel told him. “Head of ‘gate research.” 

“Well, let’s get home, kids. You wanna send a team back for this thing?” Jack jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the mirror. “Or leave it here? Either one’s fine with me.” 

Makepeace eyed him with obvious suspicion. “I think we’ll leave it here for now. Meanwhile, you come with us, Colonel O’Neill. Or whoever you are.” 

Jack fished out his dog tags and waved them in the air. “Just like the tin says, Bob.” 

“How’d you know my name?” Makepeace demanded. 

Jack explained in great detail all he knew about three of the men… all but Daniel. He merely skinned the surface with that one, judging from the expressions when he was right and when the details were divergent. He rattled off a list of events that had occurred, too, looking for similarities between universes. 

“Boy,” Daniel observed, shaking his head as they walked, “my wife isn’t gonna believe this one.” 

Without breaking stride, Jack felt himself fall over inside. “Sha’re?” 

Jackson frowned at him. “No. Who’s Sha’re?” 

“Sarah, then. Sarah Gardner.” Jack felt himself slowing down. 

“Yes. You know her in your reality, too?” 

“Yeah, uh… I forgot something back at the mirror. Mind if I go back and get it?” Jack waited until he got the nod from Makepeace, then hiked back to the device. Retrieving the controller from his pocket, he dialed the next connection and made contact. 

That hadn’t been the right place to stop, and he was glad he found out before he’d gone too far. 

The city in the next universe was empty. He hiked to the Stargate and saw no MALP tracks or human footprints, and dialed Earth. Then he realized that, without a MALP, he had no way of knowing if the Earth ’gate was still buried, and would flatten him if he stepped through it. He’d have to wait for alternates that showed some sign of SGC activity, and hiked back to the ‘gate. 

The next connection showed a city full of people, and some ceremony going on around the mirror. Skipping that one, he dialed several more before seeing another SGC team. This one had a Jack, so he passed that one by, too. Hours and hours he stood there in the dead city, checking every connection until he could barely keep his eyes open, passing up those views showing teams lacking Daniels, or with O’Neills of their own. 

He decided to make camp and continue searching in the morning. Jack was tired, bone weary, but he was decidedly better than he’d been the previous night. He had seen Daniel, just for a few moments, and that was enough to buoy his spirits. He’d make it, he thought. 

_Because now he could hope._

Jack gathered twigs and sticks for a fire, shaved some bark for kindling and lit it up. He ate a cold MRE, too weary to care how it tasted. He wanted to get a little nap, just a few hours’ worth, and scouted nearby for a protected place where he could hole up and sleep. He stepped into one of the ruined houses and shone his flashlight around the big, empty room. 

It never occurred to him to wonder what had happened to the natives who built the civilization. 

Until the glow of his torch illuminated a big, hairy ugly thing with beastly paws complete with opposable thumbs, obviously carnivorous and thinking it had just spotted dinner. He shot it and backed out of the building, but there were more of them now, dozens of them, pouring out of the structures all around him. They smelled blood, and they were coming. 

_For him._

Jack pulled the mirror control from his pocket and spun the dial as he ran. Legs pumping, knees aching at his demand for more speed, he crashed into the mirror and nearly sent it off the edge of the mesa, barely righting it as he flipped the dial again. If one of those things came after him, they’d go somewhere else. 

But then he realized – if they were native to that planet, they’d be on nearly every version of it that he dialed. 

He stood still, listening to the quiet of the night in this new universe, heartbeat thundering in his ears. The sound of voices somewhere nearby pulled him, and he saw the flicker of firelight up ahead. Glancing at every shadow, he saw that none of them were moving. There didn’t seem to be any creatures there that he could see. 

Up ahead, he saw a familiar blonde squatting by the campfire, chatting merrily away to her two companions. 

Jack smiled as he recognized Carter. There was a man with a Boonie hat hunkered down across from her, his back to Jack, and another man – Kawalski – sitting almost between them. 

“This Salisbury steak tastes like chicken,” said the man whose face Jack couldn’t see, and instantly O’Neill knew who it was. “Not even a _hint_ of cow.” 

Relief flooded Jack yet again, making his knees wobble.  But he didn’t have time to call a greeting to them, because the creatures were arriving, pulled by the fire or the voices, or the scent of fresh prey. Jack lifted his P-90 and shot two of them before the others could move, before they even saw the menace coming for them. 

Instantly, the trio were on their feet, taking aim as more of the creatures appeared. From somewhere in the dark behind them, the bright flash of staff weapon fire reported Teal’c’s presence, standing back from the others on guard. Jack hurried to join them, putting his back into the group and firing out into the onslaught. The battle seemed to last forever, bodies of the beasts piling up around them, but at last the remainder realized they were outmatched by superior weapons, and slunk off into the shadows from whence they had come. 

Jack glanced down at his arm where one of the things had grazed him with its sharp fangs. Blood had soaked into his sleeve and dried, sticking it to his skin. He flexed his arm and gingerly tried to pull the cloth away. 

“Let me take a look at that,” Carter offered, lowering her weapon and stepping closer. “And thanks for the save. We didn’t see ‘em coming.” She went after his wound with alcohol wipes and he did his best to try to ignore the pain. It wasn’t that bad, not with the view he had. 

He raised his eyes to each face in the group, but this time barely glanced at Daniel – Doctor Jackson. 

“Jack?” 

There was grief in that address. It resonated in O’Neill’s soul. “Yeah, Daniel. Am I dead here, too?” 

He heard the audible gulp, and the strain in that velvet voice. “For about a year now. You’re… not…” 

“ _Your_ Jack? No.” He risked a glance, and was moved by what he saw. “From an alternate universe. There’s a quantum mirror back there. Guess you kids haven’t found it yet.” 

Carter’s head snapped up, interest gleaming in her eyes. “Quantum mirror? For real?” 

That was like his Carter. He smiled at her. “Yeah. Alternate universe portal. Fun toy. Dangerous weapon. You decide.” He shrugged. 

“Carter, stop drooling,” Kawalski ordered with a rakish grin. “You’ll get a look at it in the morning.” 

“Meanwhile, I’d advise a change of scenery,” Jack recommended. “These things could be gone to regroup. I recommend heading back to the base till daylight. I’m thinkin’ they only come out at night.” 

“Agreed,” said Teal’c. “Perhaps DoctorWagner should have a look at your wound, as well, Other O’Neill.” 

“I’m… I was still a Colonel here, right?” He glanced at the insignia on Carter’s uniform. _“Captain_ Carter, Major Kawalski, Doctor Jackson and our lovely Jaffa, Teal’c. Everybody’s here.” 

“This is wild!” Carter gushed. “I can’t believe we’re actually talking to Colonel O’Neill!” 

Daniel lifted his head, looking around in the dark at the carnage visible in the firelight. “I think we’d better move, if we’re going. These things are starting to seriously creep me out.” 

The jog back to the Stargate was uneventful, save for the occasional scrabbling sound here and there in the distant dark. Jack watched Daniel dial home, saw Kawalski key in the IDC, and Teal’c stand watch while the rest of them stepped through the event horizon. 

The ‘gate room looked just as Jack had left it, but Gen. West’s face peered down at him instead of Hammond’s. And West didn’t look too happy to see him. Jack just hoped this universe’s O’Neill had been up to standards. He didn’t want to have to start over as Airman O’Neill at his age. 

The SFs on duty in the ‘gate room escorted him to the infirmary where Doctor Wagner cleaned, medicated and bandaged his cut, warning him to keep it clean and dry. After that, he went willingly to the briefing room to give West the lowdown… or as much of one as he could give without passing out from exhaustion. 

West was generous, however, and due to the late hour, postponed the briefing until morning so the SGC’s enigmatic guest could rest. Escorted back to one of the holding cells, Jack hit the bunk without a second thought, oblivious to the fact that he still had the mirror controller in his trouser pocket. He slept like a rock, but sometime in the wee hours, he roused long enough to remember and secreted the device away in the pillowcase. A moron could find it there, but at least it wouldn’t be on his person if they searched him… which they should have. He could only attribute that oversight to the fact that they were all pretty shaken by seeing him in the flesh, and were showing him the same courtesy they’d have given their own O’Neill, with a little suspicion thrown in for good measure. 

Jack went back to sleep, hopeful that this would be a better universe than the last several he’d visited. If it was, if this was the right one, he’d tell them everything and hand over that controller without a second thought. If it wasn’t, he’d have to find a way back to that planet and try again. 

* * *

 

The door opened, and Jack saw his visitor step hesitantly inside. 

“Am I disturbing you? It’s early yet and I know you’re… or at least, _our_ Jack wasn’t a morning person.” Daniel stood just inside the door, shifting nervously from foot to foot. 

“You’re not, either, as I recall,” Jack returned with a grin, sitting up on the bunk. He swung his long legs over the side and leaned on his BDU clad knees. “At least, not until you’ve had a couple cups of joe.” 

“I don’t drink coffee.” 

Jack felt as if he’d been slapped across the face. “Whoa, wake-up call,” he murmured to himself. Pangs of grief wracked him, and he sighed. “I shouldn’t have come here. I shoulda just stayed in my own universe.” _And eaten my gun_ , he finished inside his head. 

“So why did you?” Daniel asked. He ambled over and sat down on the bunk across from Jack’s. His hands gripped the sides of the thin mattress, and there was definite sadness in his eyes. 

Jack couldn’t answer that without knowing the lay of the land. “I had my reasons. Our Daniel took a trip through a quantum mirror and brought back important information that deterred a Goa’uld attack on Earth. I was hopin’ I could return the favor.” 

Daniel cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah, see… we’re not quite sure what to make of this quantum mirror business you mentioned.” A fleeting, disbelieving smile crossed the man’s face, and the emotion was tucked quietly away. “You wanna tell us more about that?” 

“Eventually. Got a question first. How did your O’Neill die?” 

Curiosity buckled and slid away, revealing a deep well of grief. Daniel’s eyes aimed at the floor and blinked rapidly to get rid of tears. “Uh… he was killed in a cave-in off world.” 

Jack searched his memory for a similar situation where he might’ve bought the farm. His brows furrowed. “On a Tok’ra base, maybe? When they sent you to assassinate the System Lords?” 

Shock made Daniel’s eyes go wide and his eyebrows vault up his forehead. “You… you _know_ about that?” 

“Yeah. We all got home alive in my reality,” Jack assured him. Pain lanced through him as another memory of that mission surfaced. “Except for Elliot.” 

“Elliot?” 

“Never mind.” Jack shoved the memory back in its cage. “So, did you have fun trying to explain this to the wife last night?” He tried to be conversational in his delivery, keep the tone light. 

Daniel’s expressive brows pinched together and his mouth drew up a little. “I’m not married. Never have been.” 

“No? What about Sha’re on Abydos?” 

“Oh. That.” Daniel looked distinctly uncomfortable. He tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. “I explained things to Kasuf, the elder, before we left to return to Earth. And since I hadn’t touched the girl, her father took her back.” 

“What things did you explain?” Jack’s heart was banging in his rib cage. He pinned Daniel with his gaze and refused to let him look away. 

“That I couldn’t accept such a gift because it wasn’t the way of my people,” the archaeologist murmured. “And that I had to return home with them. The Abydonians were freed of Ra, so they told us they’d celebrate us as their new gods. I couldn’t handle that.” 

Jack’s heart sank. He sighed in defeat. “Yeah. You love to get credit for being brilliant, but that ‘feet of clay’ thing…” He waved a hand negligently, letting the other man finish the thought for himself. 

Daniel grinned. “I’ve missed you, Jack.” 

“Yeah? How much?” The mental picture of Daniel jumping on him with a passionate lip lock shot heat right through Jack. He thought for a moment he saw the man lean slightly closer, but then the cell door opened and the SFs came to fetch him for the briefing. Jack stood and started tucking his shirt into his trousers, watching as Daniel also rose. “You comin’?” 

“Not yet—“ Daniel glanced up, suddenly guilt-stricken at the slip. “In a minute,” he amended. 

_Talk about mixed signals…_ Jack really wanted to get the guy alone for a more personal chat. But there were formalities. Maybe even some wrinkles to iron out. It would take time, but Jack felt sure there was plenty of that now. 

Jack let his hands drop, just looking at Daniel. Emotions flickered at light speed across that familiar face. Jack started to step away, but his heart brought him back, toe to toe with Daniel, and swept him up in a fierce hug. 

“God, I missed you!” he breathed. “You’re dead in my universe, Daniel. I lost you.” He felt those articulate fingers digging into his back, felt the man’s chest heave silently, heard the ragged breath in his ear. As soon as he could, he pulled back a little, and patted Daniel’s cheek. “Don’t go to Kelowna. Not _ever_. And don’t let the SGC send a team there, either.” 

“Why?” 

“Because that’s where you _died_ , and anybody else who goes there takes the same risk you did.” Jack looked into those eyes and saw the suffering, felt it resonating in his own soul. “What we got from them wasn’t worth it.” 

“What did we get?” Pain was easing now, curiosity rearing its ugly head. 

“I’ll never tell,” Jack murmured. “But trust me, it wasn’t worth what we paid for it.” He patted Daniel’s cheek again, and moved off after the SFs for the briefing. 

* * *

 

Jack stood in the corridor, head down, hands in the pockets of his blue jumpsuit. He ignored the approaching footsteps, thinking back over the day and how well it had gone, considering. Questions had been asked and answered on both sides, and Jack volunteered information he thought would be helpful, without compromising security details in his universe. There were places he didn’t want SGC teams going, and made sure to spell out the dangers that awaited. He had trouble remembering the planetary designations for everything, but he knew he could recognize pictures from MALP transmissions and warn them off. 

He was fitting in again, and it helped. But they still didn’t know what to do with him. Trust was in the process of being built, and he no longer had a security detail on his ass everywhere he went. But General West still didn’t want him leaving the base. 

The sound of footsteps brought his head up, and he saw Daniel and Carter round the corner. Both of them saw him and he flexed a polite smile in their direction, offering a friendly little wave, but keeping his mouth shut. Carter patted Daniel on the shoulder and continued down the hall, but Daniel wandered over, crossing his arms and taking a stance six feet away. 

“So… you seem to be earning your place here,” the younger man observed. “It won’t be long before you’ll be back on the payroll, too, I expect. Though that’s going to drive the government bean counters up the wall, reinstating a dead man. I hope they give you back pay.” 

Jack flapped his hands in the pockets of his jumpsuit, fanning the cloth outward while he rocked up on his toes. “Put a little excitement in their lives. I excel at that.” 

“Hungry?” 

“Starved! Wanna escort me to the commissary?” 

“How about dinner at my place? I’m sure you’d like to get out of here for a few hours.” 

“West won’t be happy about that.” 

Daniel shrugged. “If I sign you out, you’re my responsibility. Anything happens to you or because of you, I take the heat. So if I read you right and you cared about your Daniel, you’ll do right by me.” 

There it was again, that grief tugging at Jack, reminding him that this man was not the one he’d lost. There were differences. Some of them might be pretty big. 

“I would _never_ hurt you, Daniel,” Jack promised softly, “out of respect for _my_ Daniel.” 

Doctor Jackson turned away just then and didn’t see the anguish Jack swallowed down as he spoke those last two words. 

_My_ Daniel. My _Daniel._

_Gone forever._

And this is _not_ him. He only _looks_ the same. 

Jack followed him up to the surface and climbed into the ancient car that looked identical to the one… 

He settled himself in the seat, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “So, Daniel, tell me about yourself.” 

“Tell me about your Daniel instead.” Jackson kept his eyes on the road. 

“He was the best friend I ever had. Lost the respect of the academic world before we brought him into the SGC and never regretted it. Married once – to Sha’re, the Abydonian girl. Lost her to the Goa’uld. No kids, though.” Jack’s mind was careening through memories at light speed. He forgot to guard what came out of his mouth as they tumbled through his consciousness. “He’d have made a good father. A little clueless at times, but he was a good man. The best. I loved him—“ 

His throat closed on those words, and he realized he might have said too much. A glance at his driver showed tears in Daniel’s eyes, quickly blinked away. 

“I loved my Jack, too,” he said slowly. “Cranky and irascible as he was, he was still the best—“ 

Silence fell. The ride to Daniel’s apartment – still on Mainland Street – left both men to their private thoughts. Jack followed his host upstairs and into the kitchen, where he pulled open the refrigerator and began to hunt for the beer Daniel always kept for him. 

“It’s not there,” the man told him softly. “I threw it out after you… after Jack…” 

O’Neill closed the door and turned around. Daniel was two feet away, his face slack with grief. He started to pivot, intent on getting dinner started to take his mind off the pain, but Jack wouldn’t let him. Aching inside, he pulled Daniel into his arms and just held him, one hand carding through his long hair. 

“My Daniel cut his hair a few years after we started working together,” Jack whispered. “I’m glad you kept yours long. It… It’s just _right_ for you, you know?” 

Daniel’s arms came up around him, squeezing so hard Jack thought his ribs would crack. 

“Oh, God, Jack! I never told you… You never knew…” Daniel was sobbing against Jack’s neck, fingers digging into his back, clutching for purchase. 

“And I never told _you_ ,” Jack whispered. He was shaking, too. Things were happening, too fast to think. He wanted so badly just to kiss Daniel, but if was reading wrong— 

“Jack.” Daniel’s hands came up around his face, and then those lips were pressed against his, flavored with salty tears. Passion flared so hot it staggered O’Neill backward, up against the refrigerator. Jack opened his mouth to speak and found Daniel’s tongue in it, merciless in its tenderness, those hands trembling and sliding back into his hair, demanding more. 

Jack couldn’t breathe. He pushed, intending just to get a little air space, but Daniel rocketed back from his embrace, stumbling and putting his back to Jack, head down in shame. 

“I’m sorry!” he blurted tearfully. “I just—God! I’m such an idiot.” He buried his face in his hands. 

Panting, Jack tried to gather his scrambled wits. Slowly, he realized Daniel thought he’d been rejected. That was so far from the truth it hurt. 

“Daniel.” Jack came up behind him, his eyes roving over those broad shoulders, that lovely, long chestnut mane, heart breaking with love. He slipped his arms around the thick, masculine waist and pulled him close. “My Daniel never knew I loved him… not in _this_ way. He trusted me so much he slept in my bed sometimes, especially when he’d been hurt and needed looking after.” 

Daniel turned around slowly in that embrace, his eyes huge and startlingly blue. 

“But I never had the courage to tell him I wanted to be his lover,” Jack admitted slowly to those eyes, that mouth. “I guess you did that with your Jack, too, huh?” 

The misty eyes said yes. The quivering mouth remained silent. 

“We lost something we can never get back. Both of us. But we’ve got a second chance here, too.” Jack let his fingertips brush against that trembling lower lip wet with tears. “Let’s not blow it, okay?” 

“But I thought… when you pushed me away…” 

Jack smiled. “I’ve still got to breathe, baby. Remember that. All those years of smoking take a toll on the lungs.” 

“You smoked?” 

“I’m quitting, as of yesterday morning,” Jack assured him. “Now, how about we go about this a little slower so the old man can handle it, hmmmm?” 

Daniel let out a pent-up breath and nodded, relief flooding his features. “How are we gonna do this, Jack? If they put you on my team--” 

“Love will find a way, Danny-boy. Trust in love. I do.” Jack leaned in and stroked his lips across Daniel’s, oh so slowly. The sensation was electric, shooting straight to his groin. 

“I’ve never done this before, Jack,” the younger man breathed against his mouth. 

“Neither have I.” 

“You… you weren’t married in your universe?” 

Jack tasted that lower lip. “Yeah. But I’ve never done it with a guy.” 

Daniel shifted back a little in Jack’s grip to make eye contact. “I’ve never done it _at all.”_

For a moment, Jack couldn’t breathe. Thought processes ground to a halt. Then started up again in a frenzy. “Never? You’re a—“ 

“Virgin. Yes. Thirty-six years of doing it myself.” 

“Oh.” Jack stepped back and put a hand to his forehead. “That’s a biiiiiiig difference between you and my Daniel.” He looked up at the other man and saw that he was hugging himself. He looked awkward. Forlorn. A little hurt.

But Jack couldn’t move closer, not yet. “Are you sure, Daniel? You want me? We could wait till we know each other better. I’d be okay with that. I’ll wait as long as you need.” 

Daniel’s eyes were aimed at the floor, his face in profile. He shook his head. “No, Jack. Like you said, I don’t think we should let this chance pass by.” He looked up, his expression pensive, thoughtful. “I know what to do, after a fashion, Jack. I’ve studied the sexual practices of many cultures, so I know what to expect. I’ve just never let anybody touch me. I…” He turned away and strolled into the living room. 

Jack followed him. Made him turn around and meet his eyes. “You’re scared,” he realized aloud. “Well, so am I, Daniel. This is a big honkin’ step for both of us, on every level there is.” 

Delight dawned in Daniel’s eyes, and he smiled. “My Jack used that expression, too. You seem to be a lot alike.” 

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Jack nodded. “That’s good to know. I wouldn’t want to disappoint you.” 

“Same here. I’d like to know about your Daniel, if it wouldn’t hurt too much to tell me about him.” 

Jack cocked his head and studied the younger man. “To see if you measure up? I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I want to be _better_ than your Jack, not just as good as. I want to deserve your love, because I sure didn’t do anything to earn my Daniel’s. We were friends. Best of. But that was _all.”_

Daniel nodded. “Okay. So no comparison. But I’ll tell you this, Jack. I’ve already seen a lot of what I loved in my Colonel in you. Enough to think this could work.” 

“Ditto, Daniel. I’m thinkin’ you might be a tad more… uh… shall we say, conflicted? But I can deal with that. As long as we’re together, hell, I can deal with anything.” Jack had a sudden jolt of memory. “Teal’c – my Teal’c – wanted me to tell you something, and I hope I don’t mess it up. Let’s see… _‘Tal shek nel mala por tiu ka ek._ ’ That make any sense to you?” 

Daniel’s eyes grew round and glistened. “It means, ‘ _one soul, divided in two, now made whole_.’ Your Teal’c seems quite the poet.” 

“Yeah,” Jack agreed softly. “Who knew?” 

“So how do we get started?” Daniel’s arms unfolded and rested loosely at his sides, his cheeks flaming. 

_Make it good,_ O’Neill, he told himself. This was a great honor, being chosen as a first lover. He didn’t want to screw that up, but he was a little uncertain how exactly to go about deflowering a man. He pondered that, staring at the floor. 

Daniel was eager but uncertain. He knew, but he didn’t know. Jack wanted it to be easy and sweet, something both of them would look back on fondly. 

“First,” Jack began, reaching out to take Daniel’s hands in his, “we make dinner together. We cook. We talk. We eat. We talk some more. Maybe throw a little wine in there to help us both relax, but no drinking till we’re drunk. We both need to keep our… uh… wits about us.” 

“Okay.” Daniel’s fingers rubbed over Jack’s. He was looking at their hands, their fingers entwined. And he was smiling, just a little. 

“Then,” O’Neill added, “we take a bath. Separately or together, your choice. Whatever you’re comfortable with, but no sex in the shower. That’s for later, when we know what we’re doing.” 

Daniel nodded. He raised those incredible eyes, and the pupils widened till the color was almost gone. His tongue darted out, licking his lips in that way he had when he was nervous or emphatic about something. “And then?” 

“Then we go to bed, my Daniel. And we make love together.” Jack could picture some of it, imagine some other parts. It would feel strange, touching the hard-muscled planes of a man’s body rather than a woman’s softness, but he knew how he liked to be touched, what turned himself on, and he could try all that on Daniel. Do things to him the way he liked it himself. It was a starting point, anyway. “If I do something you don’t like or that’s uncomfortable, tell me and I’ll stop. Okay?” 

“Okay. Can I kiss you now?” 

Jack shook his head. “If we start, there will be no dinner, imp. Take your time. Make it last. There’s only one first time.” 

Slipping his arm around Daniel’s waist, he led the archaeologist back to his kitchen and opened the refrigerator again, seeking what might be had in the larder for dinner. 

* * *

 

The water had been shut off for a long time, Jack realized. He was starting to drift off a little, and started awake as his head twitched on the pillow. He’d been dreaming about stepping off a curb, and jerking back when he realized there was no street to catch him. That was when he realized Daniel was still in the bathroom. 

He glanced at the nightstand and saw the tube of lotion that they’d managed to find, until they could make a trip to the store for proper lubrication. Next to it was a candle, already lit, with a few more scattered on other furniture near the bed. The lights were off, setting a romantic mood, but the nervous virgin had not yet made his appearance. 

Jack got up and knocked softly on the bathroom door before pushing it open. 

Daniel was pacing the floor, chewing on a fingernail, towel wrapped around his waist. 

He looked scared. 

“You want to just get some sleep instead?” Jack asked softly, doing his best not to look at that body he’d wanted for so long. 

Daniel’s eyes raked him, traveling down to the towel he still wore. “You’re a very intimidating man, you know that, Jack O’Neill?” His voice was a mere whisper. “Quite the alpha male.” 

“I’d tone it down for you if I could, but I don’t know how.” Jack let go of the doorknob. “We can wait, Daniel. Come to bed, and let’s get some sleep. Okay? I don’t want you to be afraid of me, and I can see you are.” 

He backed out of the bathroom doorway, pivoted on his heel and dropped his towel as he strode over to the bureau and opened one of the drawers. A moment later, he had a pair of Daniel’s pajama pants in his grip, and was stuffing his legs into them. 

When he turned around to head for the bed, he saw Daniel step into the bedroom, towel in hand, just covering his groin. 

For a moment, Jack just stared. He’d never really looked at Daniel much in the base showers, afraid once he realized there was an attraction going that he might give himself away. Before that, he simply didn’t care to look. This Daniel was beautifully made, smooth skin and rippling muscle, with no ugly body hair to mar the view. But there were scars, too. Scars that told in silent eloquence what a painful, tragic life _this_ man had lived. 

Jack was mesmerized. He came close and splayed his hand across a burn scar on Daniel’s chest that extended well past the span of his fingertips. The scar looked old. _Very_ old. From long before the Stargate had become part of Daniel’s life. 

There were others, smaller ones that looked like old cigarette burns. Jack looked, couldn’t stop looking, his temper rising as rage and hatred blossomed. Someone had done this to Daniel. _When he was a child._ Jack wanted to kill whoever had tortured him. 

“I’ll put the candles out,” the archaeologist offered self-consciously. “My body is ugly.” 

Jack’s fingers wrapped around his biceps and he held Daniel in place. “No. This is another difference between you and the other Daniel, but it doesn’t make any difference to me. Hell, I’ve got scars, too. Take a look, if you think you can stomach it.” 

Daniel’s eyes roamed over his face. Fingers touched that gap in his left eyebrow and trailed down his cheek to his chest. There were several there, plus the big ones on front and back of his right upper arm. Jack waited, letting the younger man touch and explore, and eventually raise his eyes to regard his face. 

“You’re beautiful,” Daniel murmured bashfully. 

“No, I’m not,” Jack shot back, slowly shaking his head. “But if that’s what you see, I’m good with it.” 

He laid his palms on Daniel’s cheeks and just held him, feeling the heat in his face as he blushed. “Are you okay with me thinkin’ the same of you? Because you _are_ , Daniel. Scars and all, you’re the most _beautiful_ man I’ve ever seen. Because of what’s inside, as well as outside.” 

Pain shot through Daniel’s eyes and he tried to turn away. “I know what I look like, Jack.” 

“You don’t see yourself the same way I do. You never _will_. Your scars don’t turn me off, baby. Take a look down south if you think you’re not hot.” 

Jack let him move this time, and when Daniel’s startled glance shot back up to his face, there was wonder in his eyes. 

“You _really_ want me?” he whispered. 

O’Neill could only nod in answer, his throat too tight for words. He stroked down Daniel’s arms and took one hand, leading him toward the bed. He started to get back under the covers, but Daniel caught his arm. Jack watched as Daniel dropped his towel and reached for the waistband of Jack’s borrowed PJs. He gave a soft grunt as the garment slid off, freeing his erection with a little bounce. 

He stepped out of the pants and waited for Daniel to rise, but the younger man had other things in mind. He reached for Jack’s cock, but Jack caught his hands and held them. “Don’t rush,” he advised huskily, and got under the sheets, scooting over to make room for his new lover. 

Daniel’s movements were hesitant and shy as he got into bed. He stretched out on his back and turned his head. “Now what?” 

Jack propped his head on his right hand, ignoring the discomfort from his cut, and touched Daniel’s face with his left. As his hand moved down Daniel’s throat, his eyes followed, exploring the surface of that lovely, damaged body with fingertips and sight, feeling his heart quicken as he neared that part that Jack had never touched on another man. Halfway there, it began to stiffen and raise its sleepy head. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Jack whispered. “I must be dreaming! This is gonna be _some_ wet dream, Daniel.” 

Jackson laughed softly, tension lifting slightly. Then he gasped as Jack’s fingers wrapped around his swelling shaft, and gripped the bed sheet with both hands. Jack’s hand smoothed up and down, then moved on, stroking over Daniel’s thick thighs as far as he could reach without sitting up, and then began to move upward again, all the way to Daniel’s face. 

Then Jack leaned down and kissed him, and Daniel’s arms came up around his neck. He rolled slightly toward him, instinctively wanting to be close, but Jack gently guided him onto to his back again. Daniel whimpered into his mouth, hands carding through Jack’s hair and caressing his back as he demanded more with his lips and tongue. 

“Easy,” Jack whispered against his mouth, drawing away just long enough for that one command. He wanted to take his time, to make this last all night. He tasted the wine and fruit they’d had for dessert, layered with minty toothpaste. He felt those soft, full lips flex and relax against his, giving and taking with sexy deliberation. Daniel might not have ever been naked with anyone before, but he _damned_ sure knew how to kiss. 

Jack tried to concentrate on his hand, on stroking and teasing, learning the landscape of Daniel’s body, but that mouth was pure sin and stole his focus, drawing his hand back to hold Daniel’s face again and again. He was drowning, intoxicated in the man, in the glorious feeling of rightness flowing between them. This was what they’d been meant to do; he was sure of that now. Jack had been a fool for letting the chance slip by and losing Daniel to the cosmos. 

He wouldn’t be so careless with _this_ one. The man in his arms needed him in a way that his Daniel never had, and never would have wanted. Jack wrapped his hand around Daniel’s erection and squeezed, his hand sliding upward along the satin shaft. 

Daniel yelped and jerked, and Jack felt his lover’s cock twitch in his fingers. 

“Oh, shit,” Daniel gasped, mortified. “Five seconds! I didn’t even make it five seconds, Jack.” 

“Wait till you get your second wind,” Jack purred against his neck. “You’ll be going all night.” He looked down into those embarrassed blue eyes, still smiling. “You want to stop now?” 

“No. I want to feel _you_ come. I want you _inside_ me.” 

Jack nodded, and glanced down at the semen puddles decorating Daniel’s chest and belly. He’d never tasted the stuff, except on a woman’s tongue after giving him head, and he was curious. It was something a lover would do for the one who owned their heart, so he bent down and touched one of the globs with his tongue. 

Daniel flinched. “Don’t! You don’t have to do that. I’ll go clean up.” He started to move away, shifting out from underneath Jack. 

But O’Neill would not be denied. He slipped an arm around Daniel’s ribs and hauled him closer, returning to his exploration. 

“Tastes salty. Kinda oystery, with a little hickory smoked soy sauce.” He smacked his lips and flashed a wicked smile at the younger man. 

“Oh, God, I am so sunk,” Daniel pined. “I’m ruined! Forever. You’re a bad man, you know that?” 

“Thank you.” Jack’s tongue flicked Daniel’s nipple, and he was instantly rewarded with a gasp that shut the man up. He suckled the hard little nub of flesh, and Daniel started to squirm and sigh. Jack inched his way down that delectable torso, kissing every scar, licking up every puddle, tasting the beads of sweat forming on each ridge of muscle, working his way down to the prize just starting to stir again. 

Jack cupped the soft balls in his hand, delighting in the grunt of surprised pleasure he got for that. With great care, he stuffed Daniel’s soft penis into his mouth, covering his teeth with his lips to keep from scraping that sensitive skin. Daniel’s nest of pubic hair tickled his nose and he did his best to ignore it, but he had to stop to give it a scratch. 

He sat up just a little, glancing up at that wondering face. Daniel had been watching Jack go down on him, and there was something awe-inspiring glimmering in the blue depths of those eyes. 

“I can’t believe you’re loving me like that,” the younger man whispered reverently. “Jack, it’s beautiful. Thank you.” 

O’Neill’s heart ached with tenderness. He rushed up to kiss Daniel’s mouth again, passion flaring out of control. Daniel’s hands were all over him, touching, exploring, demanding, trying to pull Jack on top of him. 

“Not yet,” Jack wheezed. “You’re not ready yet.” 

“That’s a matter of opinion,” Daniel shot back breathlessly. “I want you, Jack. Please… make love to me.” 

Every cell in O’Neill’s body wanted desperately to comply, but his brain won out. He shook his head and reached for the lotion. “Not yet, baby. It’ll hurt if you’re not ready.” 

“Isn’t it always supposed to hurt the first time?” Long eyelashes batted at Jack innocently. 

“For girls, silly. For guys it should be a religious experience.” 

“Been there already, remember? Rang the church bell in five seconds flat.” Daniel’s hands were smoothing over Jack’s buttocks, squeezing and massaging. 

“Well, there’s more, Daniel,” Jack promised, stealing a quick kiss. “ _Lots_ more. Buckle your seat belt.” 

Daniel relaxed against the pillow and watched as Jack squeezed a little lotion into his palm. Long fingers folded into the cream, and he smiled. “Stuff’s cold. I’ll warm it a little first.” 

Jack bent his head over Daniel’s belly again, planting a row of lazy little kisses down that smooth abdomen. When the lotion felt body temperature, he moved his hand between Daniel’s legs and probed for the right spot. Daniel jumped a little when he found it, but relaxed and spread himself wider to allow Jack unrestricted access. Jack took Daniel’s cock into his mouth again, feeling it harden quickly as he slipped one finger inside his lover. 

He moaned, stunned at how good it felt to be doing that with Daniel. His own cock drew up tight, feeling as if it might explode at any moment, but he held back, pushed the sensation out of mind and concentrated on mouth and fingers… and the gentle hands caressing his head and shoulders. The sounds of Daniel’s bliss sent shivers through Jack, setting him on fire inside. It took every ounce of strength he possessed just to concentrate on Daniel’s needs, Daniel’s pleasure, when his own hungry body protested how desperate it was. 

Lifting his head, Jack turned to watch Daniel’s face as he arched upward, taking more and more as Jack spread him wider, thrusting deeper and faster. Daniel moaned and thrashed on the bed, crying out as pleasure threatened to engulf him, screaming his lover’s name as he clawed at the bed covers. He was ready now, Jack knew, begging for him. 

Slowly, Jack withdrew his fingers, reached for the lotion while Daniel caught his breath and liberally coated his own erection with the slick stuff. With great care, he moved over the other man, settling his body lightly on top of Daniel’s, his legs nestled between the younger man’s. 

The angle wasn’t quite right, so Jack guided Daniel’s legs onto his shoulders. 

Daniel tried to kiss him, but Jack held back. 

“I want to see your face,” he whispered. 

Daniel nodded. He was shaking. Scared. Excited. 

So was Jack. He reached between them and grasped his cock, the slick flesh slipping in his hand as he sought Daniel’s ass, and found what he needed. Those muscles resisted at first, clenching around the head of Jack’s dick. 

He swore and squeezed his shaft hard at the base. Even that contact was almost enough to make him come, but he had to hold on, to give Daniel what he wanted. Jack leaned down and kissed Daniel’s forehead, trying to concentrate, to move slowly. 

Jack pushed, feeling the tight, slick channel engulf him, and groaned. His eyes closed. Daniel lifted his ass and tensed his abdomen, rolling upward slightly. Jack couldn’t think, his mind so clouded by pleasure he felt suddenly, inexplicably drunk. 

“Oh, Jesus,” he breathed, eyes opening to take in that beautiful, haunted face. “I _love_ you, Daniel.” 

Tears brimmed and flooded across Daniel’s temples, and he turned away. 

Fully embedded now, Jack eased back a little, very slowly, pushing forward again to fill his lover once more. He knew what that look meant, could feel Daniel’s pain slicing through his own heart. _  
_

_Not me,_ Daniel had been thinking _. You love the_ other _Daniel. The one that’s not me._

But Jack wasn’t at all sure that was true any more. The two men were enough alike to be indistinguishable from each other, except for the scars. If Jack O’Neill could love one with such passion, then loving the other would be damn near automatic. They were still Daniel Jackson, both of them. Still wounded and brilliant and irritating and tender, all the things that had captured Jack’s heart in the first place. 

Jack took Daniel’s face in his hands, forcing him to look into his eyes. “Feel me, Daniel,” he whispered. “I’m inside _you_ , loving _you_. Not _him_ … you.” 

Daniel nodded, trying to accept, but hopelessness was written all over his face. 

Jack stopped moving and lay still. “You don’t get it, do you, genius?” 

“We’ve known each other for a few hours, Jack. How can you love _me?”_

“How can I _not?”_ Jack shot back with a frown. “You’re still who you are, Daniel. Yeah, you’re a little different, I’m not denyin’ that. But if you just listen, close your eyes and just _feel_ , you’ll understand what I’m tryin’ to say here. I haven’t thought for a minute that you were using me as a Jack substitute, as freaky as that sounds. You knew from the moment we met that there was something between us. I know, because I felt it, too. Inside, before we ever touched.” 

“Jack.” It was a plea. A prayer. A desperate cry of need. 

“Close your eyes, Daniel,” Jack repeated tenderly. “Just feel me inside you. Open up to me. Please, God -- don’t shut me out. I’ll die if you can’t let me in.” And he knew that was true. Daniel’s soul was the only place he could live, the only place he could be warm enough to thrive. Jack put his head down, forehead touching forehead, and waited. 

He let his mind drift, throwing open the doors, searching for the light he’d lost. Daniel’s breath was warm on his face, his hands gently sliding along Jack’s cheeks and into his hair. Daniel rocked his hips upward slightly, pulling Jack’s softening erection deeper into his body. He began to whisper softly, words in a dozen languages pouring out of his lips. 

_“Ego te amo. Je’ taime. Kel mel tak.”_

And all of them meant the same thing. 

“Just say it, Daniel. _In English_. You don’t have to impress me with your linguistic skills. _Especially_ not now.” Jack thrust himself deeper, arousal returning now with a vengeance. 

“I love you, Jack,” Daniel admitted breathlessly. “I have from the moment I first saw you coming out of the darkness. I knew _you_ were the one I’d been waiting for. Not _my_ Jack. _You_.” 

“Yeah. That’s what I needed, baby.” 

 Jack took Daniel’s mouth in a starving kiss, hands scrabbling at his face, his chest, his hips. Jack thrust harder, faster, losing himself in the rhythm until he couldn’t tell where he stopped and Daniel started. Slickness, friction and heat were all that existed in the universe – in all of them at once. Daniel was crying, fingers clawing at Jack’s buttocks, trying to pull him deeper still. The earth moved, and with a hoarse shout he felt Daniel’s muscles pulsing, his cock throbbing between their bodies, spewing hot semen that glued them together. The wet sounds of their frenzied motion pushed Jack over the edge, his balls clenching and spasming while his cock pumped ferociously into Daniel’s backside. 

And when the last throb had ebbed, Jack lay propped on his elbows, looking down into that face, smiling uncontrollably. 

“Oh, Jack,” Daniel panted, his eyes half closed and sparkling with sated lust and love. “You are _truly_ unbelievable.” 

O’Neill chuckled. “Yeah, I know,” he teased lightly. “Part of the Jack O’Neill charm. I’m a devil in bed.” 

Daniel frowned and pushed his lover off. “Conceited ass,” he groused. 

“Geek,” Jack shot back. 

Daniel glared at him, lips pouting. 

“You are so sexy when you do that,” Jack murmured, stealing a kiss. “Christ! I said ‘sexy’ and ‘geek’ practically in the same breath. You’ve ruined me, Daniel Jackson.” 

“I thought you just did that to _me_.” 

“Well, yeah. But you’re still half a virgin. You get to ruin _me_ next time.” He propped his chin in his hand and looked down at his lover as he stretched out beside him. “Okay? Think you can handle that, Mr. Five Seconds?” 

Daniel pulled his pillow over his face and mumbled into it. 

Jack batted it off and asked, “What was that again?” 

“At least I have the comfort that you won’t be telling anybody about _that,”_ Daniel sighed. He grinned wickedly. “You’d be out of the Air Force so fast your head would fall off from the wind shear.” 

Jack cocked a rakishly scarred eyebrow at him. “I wasn’t aware that I was officially in _this_ Air Force. General West was still considering that, last I heard.” 

“Well, you haven’t heard the latest,” Daniel said with a half-smile. “General West was transferred to the Pentagon a couple of days ago, and has just been waiting for his replacement to arrive. General George Hammond is supposed to be a very down-to-earth guy, very fair. I think with my support—“ 

“George! Gee, it’ll be great to see him again,” Jack crowed. “I never liked West much anyway. Hammond – we go way back. I don’t think we’ll have a problem there, Danny-boy. Especially if I get him to talking about his granddaughters.” 

Daniel stared for a moment, then groaned and rolled onto his side, putting his back to the Colonel and covering his face with his hands. 

“Oh, God. I’m doomed, aren’t I? You absolutely _own_ me now, and you know it. And the whole of Stargate Command will shortly be under your spell, too.” 

“What can I say? I’m a real charmer.” He sat up and patted a happy rhythm on Daniel’s buttocks. 

Daniel gazed up at him, saw the wild grin and the gleam of mischief in those chocolate brown eyes, and moaned. 

“Doomed! We’re all doomed.” 

“Don’t be such a pessimist,” Jack carped playfully. “I’m here to save the day, Doctor Jackson. Traded universes to do it, too. Know why?” 

The archaeologist rolled onto his back and clasped his hands beneath his head. “You’re gonna tell me, aren’t you? I mean, it’s not like I have a choice here.” 

“Right!” Jack agreed, took a breath to launch his explanation and then did a double-take. “What?” 

“Do I _want_ to know why you left your universe for mine?” Daniel prodded. “You told us already. To help us fight the Goa’uld.” 

Jack felt his merriment fade as he recalled that first meeting, when he had looked into this man’s eyes and seen the loss he echoed. He shook his head. “That was just the cover story.” Jack looked down at Daniel’s body, scarred with a hundred ghosts of ancient pain. He settled his hand lightly over Daniel’s chest, feeling the steady thump of life beating against his palm. 

Daniel looked right into his eyes, and Jack knew he didn’t have to say it out loud. They connected instantly, from the first. “This wasn’t the first universe I visited, Daniel. There were others, other Daniels that I passed up on my way here.” Jack sighed and laid his head on Daniel’s chest. He closed his eyes and let himself relax, at peace at last, whole for the first time in his life. “This was a shot at the roulette wheel, with no idea where I’d land when I came through. But I was prepared to move on if I didn’t find what I needed. If you weren’t a Daniel who could love me like this.” 

Warm, strong hands combed through his hair. One of them settled lovingly on the nape of his neck. 

“I came here for _you,”_ said Jack O’Neill. “If I’d stayed where I was, I’d be dead by now. I was dying by degrees every day, till we found that quantum mirror. I knew I had to go through it. I had to find _you_ , because you were waiting for me, calling me.” 

“Yes, I was,” Daniel agreed softly. “But I never thought I’d see you again. Or… meet you, or… whatever. I never expected my bleak little historical footnote to have a happy ending. Guys like me aren’t supposed to come out on top.” 

Jack smiled against that smooth chest, drifting quickly off toward sleep. “Oh, this isn’t the _end_ of your life story, my sexy geek.” He sighed, fading faster. “It’s more of a… sort of… _you_ know...” 

THE BEGINNING


	2. In Darkness Dwell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack pledges to protect Daniel, but while the anthropologist is off world on a diplomatic mission, something happens to him that leaves him damaged and unable to remember the previous night.

Jack awoke slowly, with something tickling his chin. There was a strange warmth that nudged his sleepy mind into realizing he wasn’t alone in bed, and then he remembered. He smiled, using his body to tell him what position his lover was in, since he couldn’t look down to see. Daniel’s head was right under his chin, cheek resting against Jack’s throat, Daniel’s long hair clinging to Jack’s beard stubble and making his face itch. 

Daniel was lying on his side, hands drawn up under his chin; body curved in a relaxed fetal position, with one of his legs between Jack’s, the other pressed up against his thigh. The older man had his upper arm around Daniel’s back, the lower lying on the bed in the tiny space between their bodies. Jack smiled wider, thinking this must be Heaven. He’d gone through the quantum mirror after the Daniel in his universe died, seeking… just this. 

It was a second chance, a beginning for both of them. 

God had smiled on them. 

He started to say another prayer of thanks but the alarm on the nightstand went off. Daniel’s head came up fast and banged into Jack’s chin. Seeing stars and rolling onto his back, Jack clutched his face, waiting for the pain to ease while Daniel scrambled to his knees and blurted a stream of apologies. 

“I’m okay,” Jack assured him, pushing Daniel’s fluttering hands away and tapping the snooze button to shut off the jangling noise of the alarm. “Jeez, just try to remember you’re not alone anymore, okay, Danny?” 

“Jack, I’m so…“ 

“Shut!” O’Neill demanded, frowning. 

Those worried blue eyes softened his momentary grouchiness and Jack smiled. 

“C’mere, you.” 

He wiggled fingers at his lover, reaching out with open arms. Daniel came eagerly into them and Jack just held him, luxuriating in the feel of Daniel’s body plastered against his, arms entwined around his back. They were sticky and sweaty and smelled of stale sex, and Jack thought it was wonderful. 

“I haven’t told you how much I love you today. That’s how we need to start our days from now on, Daniel.” 

“I keep wondering when I’m going to wake up and find out this was all just a dream,” Daniel whispered against his neck. “I hope I never do.” 

“Yeah. Me, too. Love you, Danny.” Jack’s chin was still smarting, but numbed by the joy making his whole body tingle. He felt another tingle and looked down as his lover took notice, too. Daniel started to slide downward and Jack was about to let him when he remembered where that part of his anatomy had been the previous night. He caught at Daniel’s shoulder. “Hey, wait. I should wash first.”  
Daniel turned, his eyes heavy lidded with desire. “I don’t mind,” he said softly, then blushed and dropped his gaze to Jack’s chest. “I love you, Jack. All of you, without reservation.” 

“Let’s go shower together,” Jack suggested happily. After a long, slow, sweet kiss they untangled from each other and rose to start their day. When they were clean and satisfied inside and out, Daniel started to work on his hair while Jack headed into the kitchen to make coffee. 

Only there was no coffeemaker. He’d forgotten that the Daniel in this universe didn’t drink the stuff, though Jack was determined to get him to learn to like it. There was just something innately wrong with a completely decaffeinated Daniel Jackson. He searched through the cabinets till he found a well-hidden, dusty jar of instant coffee and decided that would have to do. He started the water boiling in a pan, put out a cup and spooned some of the instant into it. 

By the time the hair dryer shut off Jack had finished his first cup and had just made a second. He strolled into the bathroom, studying the younger man as he brushed his long chestnut mane, still naked as a babe. Daniel put his back to his lover, self-conscious and Jack’s eyes swept over the other scars, the ones he hadn’t seen last night before they’d made love for the first time. 

He’d have to go slowly, work up to the conversation about how and when Daniel got all those scars. Some of them were in places and patterned in such a way that Jack remembered them, duty scars from missions they’d been on together. Except that _this_ Daniel had been with the _other_ Jack then. That Jack probably hadn’t ever seen any of those old scars. Probably wouldn’t have cared to ask about them if he had. 

They meant something to this Jack O’Neill. He wanted someone to pay. He turned away and hunted for the blue jumpsuit he’d discarded the previous night. Getting dressed took seconds and he returned to the bathroom to borrow Daniel’s brush to tame his hair, still slightly damp and sticking up all over his head. 

“Hammond’s coming to size me up today and I gotta look good,” he observed to his lover with a smile and a wink. “Think we’ll have time to stop off at Supply and get me some fatigues?” 

“I’ll hurry,” Daniel returned with a smile. In short order he was dressed and brushing his teeth, bending over the sink to spit. 

O’Neill eyed that ass, completely covered in fresh khakis. Inspiration struck. Totally, irresistible, impish inspiration. Jack grabbed that beautiful butt with both hands, leaving huge wet handprints on the cloth. Daniel squealed, spit toothpaste all over the mirror, the sink, the counter and his taupe shirt. 

“Damn it, Jack!” he bubbled, reaching for a towel. He wiped his face and glared. “Now I have to change clothes. You’re making me late! I hate being late.” 

“Oh, so you’re punctual as well as caffeine-free?” Jack teased. “Gee, I don’t know if I can get used to a Daniel _that_ pure. Good thing you’re not a virgin, too! That would just be _way_ too much to deal with.” He swung in for a quick peck on the freshly wiped lips and swerved away, neatly avoiding the cuff Daniel aimed at him. 

“Brat,” the archaeologist growled. 

“Sexy,” Jack shot back. 

“You know, I came here with pretty much Air Force issue everything.” He watched the younger man return to the closet. “I gotta get some clothes and stuff since I’m gonna be living in this universe. Can I borrow some money till I start getting paychecks? That is, if you have any. I know in my universe, Doctor Jackson got paid a helluva lot more than me, which was okay because he deserved it. I’m just not sure about, well, a lot of things in this universe.” 

“Sure. We’ll go shopping tonight,” Daniel agreed, returning to his closet to find fresh clothes, “but I leave on a diplomatic mission tomorrow. I should be gone about three days or so.” 

Jack stopped fidgeting and looked up, suddenly worried. “Can I come, too?” 

“You don’t go off-world until the new administration approves it,” Daniel reminded him. “They’re still not sure what to make of you returning from the dead, as it were, or this alternate universe stuff. Though I must say, Sam’s positively quivering with anticipation. She spent all of yesterday while you were being interrogated, looking at that mirror thing but couldn’t make it work.” 

Jack examined his fingernails, slightly embarrassed. “Uh, yeah, well, see, there’s a controller. I have it. Or rather, it’s in my quarters on the base, unless they’ve searched it by now.”  
  
Daniel turned to look at him, suddenly very still, a blue-and-white-checkered shirt in his hands. “You had it with you? Why?” 

Guilt tugged a little at Jack’s heart. He crossed the room and put his hands on Daniel’s bare shoulders. “I had to make sure this was where I needed to be. If it wasn’t, I was heading back to the mirror.” 

He brushed Daniel’s long hair out of his eyes. “I told you last night this wasn’t the first universe I visited, looking for you. I was prepared to keep looking.” He smiled. “Now I don’t have to look any more. Carter can have the controller and I’ll even show her how to work it, but I’m not goin’ through the mirror again. I found what I needed right here.” 

He leaned down and kissed Daniel, brushing his lips lightly against those sweet, sexy ones. His hands moved up into that long mane and he cradled Daniel’s face, pulling him closer, kissing deeper. When he drew away, Daniel’s eyes were sparkling with unbridled joy. Jack felt it all the way to his toes and sighed. 

Daniel laughed softly against his face, a mint-scented breeze. “I could get addicted to this, you know.” He licked his lips and glanced at the bedside clock. “Come on. Maybe we can still make it to Supply before I have to check in.” 

“Yahsureyoubetcha, snookums.” 

“That is so Minnesota,” the younger man chuckled, “and you are so damn cute!” He traced one finger gently over the slight dimple in O’Neill’s chin. 

Jack chuckled. “I’m ignoring that and returning the conversation to necessary threads. I’ll need uniforms and dress blues, eventually, if they take me back. It’s going to be expensive, but I promise to pay you back. In installments, according to whatever pittance I might earn here. Just wish I could be wearin’ the Class A’s when I present myself to General Hammond.” He frowned, looking down at himself in the borrowed jumpsuit. 

Daniel smiled broadly up at him. “New wardrobe, a couple thousand bucks. Hockey season passes, a couple hundred. Love of a lifetime… priceless.” He kissed Jack lightly on the lips. “I think I can manage.” 

“You doin’ all right with your finances? Not that I’m a gold digger, or anything, just curious. Don’t wanna break your bank account, you know.” He stepped away from Daniel and glanced down at his feet, obviously embarrassed to have to ask for money. 

“I’ve got about a half million by now, I think,” Daniel told him casually as he slipped into the shirt. “My fiction novels were _far_ more successful than my academic works. I haven’t had time to work on any new ones since Abydos. More important stuff to do, you know.” 

Jack’s head came up. His mouth hung open in the air. Not only could he not speak, he couldn’t form a coherent thought. 

“Some of it was my parents’ estate,” Daniel explained as he buttoned up his shirt. “The rest I earned during my less than illustrious career, which sounds a lot like your Daniel’s was, and from my salary here and the novels. I don’t generally spend much of it, except for my apartment and books. I’m rarely on Earth long enough for anything resembling a social life.” 

He reached for a pair of gray pants from the closet and suddenly found his mouth against Jack’s again.  “What was that for? Not that I’m complaining.” 

“Hockey season passes. For two,” Jack shot back. “And I’m buying a leather jacket.” 

Daniel’s eyes glinted. His smile broadened. “Will you wear it to bed?” 

Jack groaned and turned away. “Keep talkin’ like that and we’ll _never_ get to work. I find the hotness that is Daniel very distracting.” 

Jack headed for the bathroom. “Be right out. And I’m using your toothbrush. You may not mind kissing me first thing after a good night’s sleep, but _nobody_ smells my morning breath. We’ll buy two new ones tonight.” 

Daniel chuckled and continued getting dressed while Jack hurried to prepare himself for the new regime. 

* * *

 

The archaeologist thought his Colonel looked every inch the military man, even in the jumpsuit. Jack was fidgeting, obviously self-conscious. Vanity was a feature the original O’Neill in Daniel’s universe was missing, and Jackson found it rather charming in his lover. Jack was also much more romantic than Daniel expected, and the memories of their budding relationship warmed him as they drove to the base. 

After signing in, he escorted Jack directly to the supply station where he could order proper clothes for base attire. They waited until a set of blue fatigues were located in the right size and then went to the locker room so Jack could change. With a sigh of relief, he checked the mirror and finger-combed his hair back into place. Daniel offered his comb, and Jack smiled. 

“Thanks,” he said with genuine warmth, putting every silver hair in place. “Will I knock Hammond’s socks off?” 

“Not unless he’s gay,” Daniel teased. 

Jack frowned back at that. “Watch it, Jackson,” he warned, his voice low. “Never on the base.” He handed the comb back and straightened his jacket. “Off we go, then.” 

They headed to the briefing room, but Generals West and Hammond were in a private conference with SFs on duty at each stairwell to ensure they remained undisturbed. There were orders waiting, however, and Jack was escorted to an office where he could review abbreviated mission reports and MALP transmissions under the supervision of Major Kawalski. 

With a little wave and a promise to meet him for lunch, Daniel left the two men alone and headed for his office to get started on his own work. 

He couldn’t have been happier. Fortune, it seemed, had smiled on him at last. He was no longer alone. He was loved. As long as this incredible dream lasted, Daniel would enjoy it. He wanted to get to know this Jack, to discover all the things about him that made him who he was, his history and hidden talents, his likes and dislikes. 

As Daniel settled behind his desk, he couldn’t concentrate on work, his mind returning to the mission where this new O’Neill had appeared out of the darkness on an alien world to save SG-1. Daniel tried to pinpoint the differences in the original Jack and this one, but the only thing he could say was significantly different between the two men was that this one was willing to lay aside his heterosexual background in order to become involved with Daniel. 

That love came with a price, however, and Daniel wasn’t sure he could pay it. Jack had already seen the scars. Daniel had noted the look in his eyes, the hatred gleaming there, and understood what knowledge of Daniel’s background would mean to the man.

Jack would want revenge. If he went after it, he’d get in trouble, probably landing in jail. Daniel couldn’t allow that. 

Besides, it was ancient history as far as Daniel was concerned. He learned long ago to forget what he couldn’t forgive, just not think about the tragedy his life became immediately after his parents’ deaths. As he sat at his desk, pencil tapping against his fingers, Daniel glanced down at his body. It was covered by familiar clothes, but he was aware of every hidden scar and the memories they evoked. 

Jeff Eiger, his first foster father, had taught him many things. Young Daniel Jackson learned to be strong. He learned to tolerate pain without breaking. He learned to hate. When rescue had come in the form of a broken nose that the Eigers couldn’t hide from a visiting social worker, Daniel had been moved to a new foster family and charges were filed against the man who had tortured him for four years. Due to Daniel’s clear, detailedtestimony, the scars and fresh wounds he bore, Eiger had gone to prison. 

That had been satisfactory, after a fashion. It was enough for a twelve-year-old boy. He’d sealed that part of his past away in his heart and mind and never looked back at it. 

The next foster family had attempted to draw him in, but he’d sat down with Mrs. Brown early on and had a talk with her. He promised to be a very good boy, to obey all the rules, to do his chores and his schoolwork without complaint, if they would simply leave him alone. When he’d finished whatever was required of him, he’d retreated to his room, and to books. They respected each other’s space, and at the age of sixteen, Daniel had graduated high school and received a full merit scholarship to a prestigious university. It hadn’t taken much to have himself declared a legal adult at that point.  He’d thanked the Browns for their community service and said goodbye. 

They were there, after all, working for the state to protect a child until he was old enough to care for himself. They had done their job, and he respected them for that. They’d been friendly enough, but Daniel never accepted the gifts they had given him, never responded to their gestures or words of affection because he couldn’t. He always knew where he had been going, and that was _away_. 

He didn’t want to be attached to them, because he would only lose them eventually. He’d lost everyone he loved, because that was what the universe had in store for him. His destiny had been about other things, important things. He had wanted to finish the work his parents started, to break new ground and discover something truly original… and he had _done_ that. 

Distance and superficial relationships had been Daniel’s self-protection mechanism for so many years, keeping others at arm’s length, never letting them touch him, either in body or soul. 

Then Jack O’Neill had come into his life; a man of steel and fire whose walls had been higher and thicker than Daniel’s own. Fate had thrown them together in a desert on a distant world and when they returned home, they had become different men. Both vulnerable to each other. 

Ra and death and fear had done that to them, pushed them together until all they had was each other, struggling against impossible odds. They had clung tightly, needed each other… and gotten under each other’s skins. Jack had hugged him, patted him affectionately, shook his hand. He had been a tactile man who hadn’t noticed his archaeologist didn’t like to be touched, or else he had ignored that idiosyncrasy and done it anyway, because it had been something O’Neill enjoyed. 

Daniel had discovered admiration. His tolerance of Jack’s need for contact had crossed all of Daniel’s borders. Then he fell in love, and Jack had died. Even now Daniel was still grieving, a part of his soul still torn by the loss. He hadn’t seen Jack’s body because it couldn’t be retrieved from the cave-in that had killed him on Revanna, but Sam and Teal’c had been witness to his death. 

That had been enough. Daniel still saw Jack dying in their eyes in unguarded moments, and even with this new Jack in his arms, the shadow of the other man was still there, growing fainter, but ever-present. 

Daniel’s walls had come up again when O’Neill died. Daniel was safe and protected behind them. Sam and Teal’c were the closest thing he had to family, but even _they_ couldn’t touch him, couldn’t wound him as deeply as Jack. Kawalski was okay; they worked well as professionals and did their jobs. They knew they could count on each other, but there was no affection there as for his other teammates. After seven years of constant companionship, the Captain and the Jaffa had found their own little niches inside Daniel’s soul. He loved them like the sister and brother he never had. 

Yet on that dark of night in a moment of need, Fate had thrown open the door and given Daniel a second chance. He’d been clumsy about showing his uncertain feelings to the stranger who wasn’t entirely a stranger. He’d seen the longing in O’Neill’s eyes and tried his best to ignore it. When he’d invited Jack to stay the night at his apartment, it had been a gesture of friendship, a memoriam of sorts to the man Daniel had lost. Only he hadn’t been able to hide his feelings, not with that face looking back at him, and in a moment of passion Daniel had kissed the man. 

Jack had kissed him back and things escalated after that. They were together now, spiritually welded, one flesh. Daniel stared down at his body, remembering the ugliness that lay beneath his clothes. Jack would want to know that history. He would want to open the old wounds and go hunting, and Daniel was going to have to protect Jack from himself. 

He’d done it before, and he could do it again. Daniel was all about control, about being unbreakable. He would just have to make his lover see that the past was best left buried, and to concentrate on their future. Daniel bent his head to the books on his desk, opened them to the proper pages for reference, and began to study the photograph of the artifact another team had brought him for translation.  

* * *

 

“My brain hurts,” grumbled Jack, holding his head in both hands as he and Daniel motored away from the base. “I haven’t done so much thinking in… forever.” 

“How many of the MALP transmissions did you get through?” Daniel changed lanes smoothly, despite the ancient car’s groan and shudder. 

“ _All_ of ‘em. That’s why my brain hurts.” 

“Jack, there must’ve been a hundred video scans to look through!” 

“Not good with names or those alphanumeric designations,” Jack admitted. “But I remember faces and places I’ve been. You have to remember where you’ve been if you’re gonna find the way home; even though most of the shots were just trees, lots and lots of trees. Trees all over the freakin’ universe.” 

“That’s what I mean. How can you look at one group of trees and recognize them as different from any other group?” 

“How can _you_ look at a set of hieroglyphs and tell what century they were painted?” Jack cocked a knowing eyebrow at him. 

“Oh.” Daniel glanced at him, and then turned his eyes back to the road. “Any place in particular you want to go shopping?” 

“Yeah. You want me to drive? I know the way.” Jack patted the armrest of the old car and wished for his truck. Then again, what was sitting beside him behind the wheel was much more necessary. He gave directions and took his chauffer to all his favorite thread shops and he even talked Daniel into a few new items for himself. 

Jack was particularly fond of the black leather pants that fitted Daniel like a second skin and the blue silk shirt that made his eyes turn electric blue. He accompanied Daniel into the fitting room stall just to make sure they fit the way he wanted, and made Daniel swear he’d never wear them anywhere but at home. Then they went out to dinner and headed home… to Daniel’s home, where Jack had just taken up official residence. 

Being from an alternate universe had its advantages, so no one at the base would give Jack moving in with Daniel a second thought. They’d still have to watch themselves in public but for now, all angles were covered. Except for Daniel’s _personal_ angles, but that was about to be addressed. 

Daniel set his keys on the shelf just inside the door and Jack shot all the bolts. They carried their haul into the bedroom and neatly put everything away, silence a pleasant cushion filling the space between them. When they were done, they eyed each other. 

“Put the pants on, Daniel,” Jack ordered huskily. “And the new shirt, too.” He left the bedroom and went to the balcony to wait for his lover to change. 

“Is this what you wanted to see, Jack?” Daniel asked from beside the piano a few moments later. 

Jack turned around and stared, his eyes roving hungrily over that beefy body, so well delineated by the tight clothing. He could see the outline of Daniel’s dick easily, tucked up against his right leg, swelling as he watched. Daniel’s hands went to his zipper and he peeled it down slowly. 

Jack came closer, his gaze sweeping up and down the other man with delicious anticipation. “God, Danny! You look so hot. Turn around, slowly. Walk to the bedroom so I can watch your ass move in those leather pants.” His mouth was watering like a starving man’s sitting down to a banquet. 

Daniel’s smile was blinding. “You like how I look in these? I feel kinda silly, actually. And a little uncomfortable. They’re getting tight.” 

“It’s that damned hard-on,” said Jack with mock frustration. “We’ll just have to do something about that.” 

His eyes followed Daniel across the apartment and into the bedroom. The room still smelled of sex and something uncomfortably hard in the pocket of his new tan khaki pants made Jack remember the tube of lubrication they’d bought for tonight. It was his turn and he was more than ready. 

Daniel looked down and started to slowly unbutton his shirt, flicking each button free with a little flourish. He started swaying his hips, doing a shy striptease. 

Jack thought it was delightful, but he was impatient to be touching the body beneath those clothes. “You’re gonna be too late if you don’t hurry,” Jack prompted, whipping off his Polo shirt and dropping it on the floor. 

“I thought you’d enjoy a show,” Daniel returned, scrambling now to get his clothes off. 

“I got my show while we were at dinner. You shoulda _seen_ people lookin’ at you, women _and_ men. _Damn,_ you’re fine, Daniel Jackson!” He saw that the man was about to argue and held up a hand. “Shush! Just accept that _I_ believe that and go on from there. You _want_ me to like the way your ass moves when you walk.” 

“Naked is better, though, right?” Daniel was all but sprinting across the room. 

Jack dodged and let him vault onto the bed. Those hands were all over him, that mouth on his neck, kissing and nipping as if Daniel was starving. He caught some of Jack’s pubic hairs in the zipper in his haste to undo it, which sent Jack yelping and batting his lover’s hands away. In seconds he divested himself of his clothing and pounced on Daniel, still kneeling on the bed. 

“Ooof!” Daniel cried, landing flat on his back with Jack on top of him. “Eager, there, much?” 

“You’re fucking _stunning_ when you smile,” Jack growled and then attacked Daniel’s mouth, wiping the grin right off with his lips. “Those dimples could kill.” 

They weren’t as gentle with each other this time. Passion was given free rein, scorching them both as they tasted each other, touched everywhere, clung and rubbed and sucked until they lay panting and vibrating with need. 

 Jack fished the lube out of the nightstand and handed it to Daniel. “Do it,” he demanded. “Right now!” 

“No,” Daniel shot back breathlessly. “I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“I _want_ it that way,” Jack ground out. He was ready to explode, and needed… something. “Hell, I have no idea what it’s gonna feel like. I just want you to fuck me before I come apart at the seams.” 

“Okay, let’s slow down a little,” Daniel panted, heavy eyebrows scrunching upward in confusion. 

Jack could see the terror in his eyes, and it moved him. “Okay. Okay, Danny. We’ll take our time. I just…” He glanced down at himself, so stiff he was about to pop. His glance drew Daniel’s gaze there, and both men smiled. 

“How about if I take a little of the pressure off first?” Daniel suggested gently, smiling. 

“If you insist,” Jack shot back playfully. 

Daniel came down on his mouth with a slow, sweet kiss that Jack felt all the way to his toes. Those talented lips nibbled across his chin, suckled lightly down his throat to his collarbones. With his tongue, Daniel laved those hard little ridges, lapping up the sweat that pooled in the hollow between them. 

“Jesus _fucking_ damn, Daniel!” Jack breathed, his hands running all over Daniel’s back and threading through his hair. “What you do to me. I _love_ you. Love you so much.” 

“Mmmmm,” Daniel agreed, moving lower, nuzzling his way through Jack’s chest hair until he could reach a nipple. 

Jack started to relax, the warmth of Daniel’s body seeping into him, Daniel’s hands stroking, squeezing, exploring him. The sensations left him delirious. He moaned and writhed as his lover worked his way downward, taking his time, gentling Jack’s need. When he could manage, Jack opened his eyes and watched as Daniel loved him, that gorgeous hair falling in a shining curtain around his face. Jack loved looking at it, running his fingers through it, combing it back so he could see that beautiful face in motion. 

Daniel’s eyes were closed as he took Jack’s cock in his mouth. The expression on his face spoke of reverence and incredible pleasure, and it made Jack’s heart twist up inside him. 

_For me,_ he reminded himself. _All that is just for me._

Daniel looked up at him then, as if he’d heard. He smiled around his mouthful and broke the suction, breathing a soft little laugh around Jack’s shaft. 

“I love you,” Jack breathed, reaching out to touch that lovely chestnut hair. 

“Mm-hmm,” Daniel returned. 

The vibration from that verbalization sent a little jolt through Jack. He grinned as an idea came to mind. “Daniel, do you like to hum?” 

“Hmmm?” the younger man asked, not breaking contact. 

“Hum something. Just keep doing what you’re doing and hum.” 

Those brown brows scrunched together for a second. Then they shot up Daniel’s forehead in surprise as the idea jelled. His eyes took on a mischievous gleam, and he began to hum. 

Jack tried to identify the tune, but the vibrations and that glorious wet heat were so distracting that coherent thought became impossible. He could do nothing but close his eyes and recline against the pillow, completely owned by the man sucking so happily on his dick. He was close, gathering himself to come, when suddenly everything stopped and Daniel lifted his head. 

“Don’t stop now!” Jack begged, looking down at his lover. Then he saw that Daniel had the lube and was squeezing a little of it into his palm. A second later, his mouth was back where it belonged and Daniel’s fingers were probing Jack’s ass. 

“Oh, Jeez!” Jack did his best to relax, but that finger twirling gently against his sphincter felt huge and foreign and scary. 

Climax suddenly wasn’t so close after all. Jack concentrated on the feel of that wonderful mouth on him, loving him, adoring him, and slowly his fear began to recede. Daniel’s finger slipped in, slick and hard and huge. With great care, Daniel thrust into him, sliding in deeply, easing out, exploring. The burning sensation from that first penetration faded and in its wake was heat of a different kind. Another finger breached him and Jack clutched at the sheets, writhing against the bed, against those fingers and thrusting into that mouth. 

“God, Daniel,” moaned Jack. “Yes. Good! _So_ fucking good.” 

Daniel plunged deeper, smoothing across something that sent lightning bolts through Jack’s brain. He cried out and his lover froze, afraid he’d caused pain. He waited. 

“Good,” Jack panted. “Don’t stop! Gonna come—“ 

As if reading his mind, Daniel moved his fingers again, striking that same spot as he sucked hard on Jack’s dick. With a scream of ragged ecstasy, Jack shot his load into Daniel’s mouth, body bucking and thrusting wildly, completely out of control. He lay gasping for breath, those fingers still working that incredible magic while Daniel sucked him dry. 

“Oh, Jack,” he whispered when the last spasm had passed. “You are so beautiful.” 

“I am so wiped,” Jack corrected with a broad grin. “You do it for me, Danny. You do it _gooooood_.” 

“There’s more,” Daniel promised, slipping another finger inside. “Open up for me, Jack. I don’t want to hurt you.” 

Jack glanced down at his lover, lying half on his side between Jack’s outstretched legs. “Mighty impressive weapon you got there, big guy.” Daniel blushed and smiled and Jack desperately wanted to kiss him just then, but he couldn’t reach those lips yet. 

“Do you like this?” asked Daniel uncertainly. 

The sensation of stretching was still a little uncomfortable, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Once Jack got used to the size, it was good. He wanted Daniel, wanted him inside his body as he had penetrated Daniel the previous night. Jack could see that Daniel’s cock was quite a bit bigger than his fingers and that scared him a little, but he knew those tissues would stretch. He was ready, in his mind if not in his body. 

“Love me, Daniel. I don’t want to wait.” Slowly, he rolled over onto his belly, stuffing a pillow beneath his hips. Daniel’s fingers never lost their place or rhythm as he moved into position, a perfectly coordinated slow-motion ballet. Jack felt Daniel kissing his buttocks, his free hand roving all over his skin. Jack felt radiant with love. This was a wonderful gift he was giving Daniel, and whether he enjoyed it or not, he wanted to do this at least once. 

Turning just with his shoulders, he watched Daniel coat his hard-on with the slick gel. The younger man’s hands were shaking. He squeezed out nearly half the tube onto himself, wanting to make sure there would be plenty of lubrication. Jack watched as Daniel moved carefully, kneeling behind him, between his legs. Jack propped himself up on his elbows. He was anxious but his heart was so full he didn’t care if it hurt. 

Jack felt Daniel spread his cheeks and tried to relax. The only thing he’d ever had up there was a doctor’s latex coated finger checking for hernias, but this sensation was nothing like that. “Easy, Danny,” Jack crooned to his lover. “It’ll be all right.” 

“O-okay, Jack,” stammered Daniel uncertainly. 

The blunt tip of his cock pressed against Jack’s anus and Daniel thrust hesitantly in. Jack froze, his body clenching at the sheer size of the invading tool. “Whoa, wait! Not so fast,” Jack cried out. 

“S-sorry,” Daniel whimpered, pulling out immediately. 

Jack turned a little more so he could see Daniel’s face, flushed red with embarrassment and tears in his eyes. “Don’t _stop_ , Danny,” Jack reassured him. “Just go slower. It’s okay. I want you. I love you and I want you to show me how much you love me. Okay?” 

Daniel’s mouth was quivering as if he was about to cry. He nodded and moved back into place, pressing in just a little, waiting and listening. 

Jack forced himself to relax, to let Daniel in and took a little more of him. Slowly, gently, Daniel pushed his way inside until Jack had taken all of him. Daniel stretched out on top of his lover, holding his body up on his hands, arms locked out to bear his weight. 

“Is that okay?” the younger man whispered hesitantly. “Do you like it?” 

“I think I might,” Jack confessed, his voice trembling. Daniel’s confidence was fragile, and Jack had to make sure he thought before he spoke. It felt foreign, totally alien, to be penetrated like that, but having Daniel behind him, his warm body lying against Jack’s, felt _amazingly_ right. 

Daniel was starting to move now, slow, patient thrusts, sinking himself fully into Jack’s ass. He was making noises, trembling and soft, that told Jack just how much he loved what he was doing. Jack relaxed against the pillow, enjoying Daniel’s kisses against his shoulders and neck. Jack turned his head so Daniel could reach his face, murmuring lovely-sounding things in his ear in foreign languages. 

It was beautiful. Jack had never felt so _loved_ in his life. This… this was all about Daniel, quivering on top of him, holding and kissing him, putting his love into words and actions that left no doubt what was in his heart. 

“I love you, Daniel,” Jack whispered against the pillow. 

“My life, my soul, my all. I will love you _forever_ , Jack. _My_ Jack. _Mine.”_

“Always,” Jack assured him. 

Jack felt hot tears hit his cheek and slide downward. Daniel’s fingers were quick to wipe them up and Jack wished they had tried it face to face, though he knew this was better on his back. He couldn’t touch Daniel with his hands, couldn’t reassure him with a look or touch like this. He ached to do that, felt the passion rising inside him, passion for his lover. With a shock he realized he was hard again, his balls straining toward imminent release. 

Daniel changed his rhythm, angling forward slightly. Something else was happening now, something that made Jack turn his head from the pillow to suck in a breath and let out a startled gasp of pleasure. The strokes were a deep, powerful glide that massaged Jack’s prostate, sending fingers of bliss through him like a charge of electricity. In and out, every thrust caressed him there, melting his bones and dissolving his resistance. He needed more, wanted more, ached for it. 

“Fuck!” he shouted. “Oh, God, it’s so good, yes, Daniel, more…harder, faster…fuck me… _fuck_ mebaby _oh_ Danny _yessssss_!” 

He heard howling and realized it was himself. He was coming, his cock throbbing into the pillow while Daniel slammed into his ass. He couldn’t move, just a jellied pile of O’Neill glowing with ecstasy while his lover continued to plow him from behind. An instant later, just when he thought his wits were starting to work again, he felt Daniel climax and smiled at the deep-throated grunts, so unlike the loud cries he’d gotten out of the man the previous night. 

Daniel collapsed onto Jack’s back, panting and quivering. 

The weight felt good. Jack’s ass was still throbbing with pleasure. He didn’t think he’d be able to sit down for a couple of days but it would be worth the discomfiture. Daniel slid off him, landing in a heap on his back beside Jack, his face the picture of delirious joy. 

“Not a virgin of _any_ kind anymore, Daniel,” Jack murmured to him. “You are _totally_ fucked now.” 

“I love you, Jack.” 

O’Neill leaned over and tasted those smiling lips for a long time. As he kissed Daniel, he moved over him, slipping his arms beneath the man and holding him close. Daniel needed a lot of holding, he knew. Especially _this_ Daniel. He needed all the kindness and support his friends could give him but he needed more from Jack. 

Dr. Jackson was confident enough in his professional space – even a touch arrogant at times -- but when it came to the real Daniel, the man underneath the job, Jack wasn’t sure this Daniel knew how to navigate that landscape. He would need someone who could help him map that alien world, and that was _just_ where Jack wanted to live. 

“I love you, Daniel.” He felt the younger man slipping away into dreams and jiggled him awake. “C’mon. We should get under the covers if you’re gonna fall asleep on me.” 

“Did you want to talk?” the sleepy, sated man asked. 

“No. I want blankets. And cuddling. Now move.” 

They wrestled around on the bed as they turned it down and slipped under the covers. Jack noticed that Daniel got up to put on sweats and a T-shirt before padding back to the bed. Jack promptly took them back off him. “If you’re sleepin’ with me, you’re sleepin’ naked. I wanna feel skin right now and I don’t mind getting the wet spot. We can change the linens in the morning.” 

Daniel smiled shyly up at him from his pillow, his hair thoroughly tousled from Jack’s manhandling of him. “Yeah? Cuddling, huh? Who’d have thought the big, mean, hard-as-nails Colonel was such a teddy bear underneath?” 

“Nobody. And let’s _keep_ it that way, shall we?” The Colonel wrapped his arms around his lover and held him close. Then he let his eyes drift closed; sliding off into dreams of wild and tender sex with the man he loved more than life. 

* * *

 

“No kiss goodbye?” Jack teased quietly, standing at the foot of the ramp. 

Daniel frowned up at him. “You’re supposed to be cranky, remember? How can I walk away from you when you’re smiling at me like that? Especially after the way you made love to me this morning! I can hardly walk.” 

Jack just grinned, remembering. “Ready?” He raised his voice so they could be heard. “Don’t wander off anywhere, Daniel. Don’t touch anything and don’t get killed.” 

“This is a routine diplomatic mission,” Daniel shot back, instantly irritated. “We’ve had established relations with the Messenetians for months now, which is why I’m going in a suit instead of BDUs and not carrying any weapons. They’re allies, for cryin’ out loud.” 

Jack popped him lightly on the shoulder. “Hey, quit stealin’ my lines!” 

Daniel sighed and turned away, briefcase in hand. “I’ll be back in three days,” he groused. 

“I’ll have dinner ready but I’m not sharin’ the beer.” 

“I don’t like beer, Jack.” 

“Give my love to the Missionaries.” 

“Messenetians!” 

Daniel disappeared through the event horizon and Jack strutted away, pleased with his performance. He glanced up into the control booth and saw Hammond’s impatient frown. Didn’t take the General long to get to know him. Jack returned to his barracks room for the controller, slipped it into the pocket of his jumpsuit and headed to the briefing room. 

The General was tapping his pencil on his notepad, a sure sign of impatience. “What kept you?” he asked sharply. 

Jack noticed the man didn’t use his military title. That probably meant he was going to be kept on as a civilian advisor, strictly for what he knew. He wasn’t getting a team assignment or his rank back. But he had a plan for that contingency, too. 

“I had to go get something, sir,” O’Neill admitted. The General gestured him toward a chair but Jack was afraid he’d wince if he sat down, so he remained standing. He eyed the faces around the table, one by one. “Thank you all for coming. I hope what I have to say will be taken seriously.” 

The grin sliding across Carter’s face spoke volumes. Their Jack had been the same kind of wise-ass and one never knew when to take him seriously unless he was giving an order and had his ‘Colonel’ face on. The grin disappeared as she obviously remembered this wasn’t _her_ Colonel and she made eye contact again. 

“Time for some honesty, folks,” Jack began, “and the real reason why I came through the looking glass to offer my services to your universe.” 

Hammond cocked an eyebrow and shot a glance at Major Kawalski. 

“I’m here for _Daniel_.” 

Expressions of shocked surprise hit Carter and Kawalski at the same instant. Teal’c nodded in approval. Hammond simply waited. On his second full day of command of this alternate reality SGC, he didn’t know this group well enough to make judgments. Not yet. 

“See, in my universe, Doctor Daniel Jackson is dead,” Jack told them. “Had been for a while. That’s when I started to notice some things. Numbers started adding up. I got a cosmic wake-up call. A clear view of the Big Picture.” 

“You wanna be a little less existential, here, O’Neill?” asked Hammond with a trace of impatience in his voice. 

Again, without the rank, Jack noticed. He could deal with that. 

“I’m getting to that, sir.” He took a deep breath. “See, we all thought, once Daniel figured out how to work that machine down there, anything we found would have a military objective attached to it. For the most part, that’s what it looked like… on the surface.” 

He strolled toward the windows looking down on the Stargate, remembering Daniel’s nervous lecture in that same room as he revealed his discovery of the star addresses back at the beginning of things. 

“But after Daniel died in my universe, I started seeing just how hard a time everyone was having without him. His guidance. His compassion. His big honkin’ brain and even bigger heart.” 

He turned around to face Carter. “I watched things start to slowly fall apart; nothing tangible, really, just little things. Like movements on a chess board, where it becomes crystal clear that you’re sadly outmatched and no matter what move you make, you’re always gonna lose.” 

Carter swallowed hard. She was getting it all ready. That was good. 

Jack turned his frank, penetrating gaze to Hammond. “Ever tried to play chess without your queen, General?”

“It makes for a difficult game but it can still be won.” 

“What if your opponent has six or seven queens and you have none?” 

A small, quick grin slid across Hammond’s face and was gone. “Aside from the fact that would be illegal as hell, you couldn’t win with so many powerful pieces on the other side.” 

“Exactly,” Jack agreed, raising one finger in the air. Then he slipped that hand into his pocket. “We lost our most powerful piece and the Goa’uld had all the queens. We were going to lose.” 

“You’re saying _Daniel’s_ the key?” Carter asked. 

Jack eyed her. “That’s because he is. He has been from the beginning and it took losing him to get a look at the endgame.” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Kawalski carped. “ _Daniel?_ He can barely find his ass with both hands. How can he be…?“ 

Jack’s head snapped up and he shot a warning glance at the Major. ”He’s not a soldier, Charlie. Never will be. But that’s not what we need for this…” He waved his hand around, glancing at the windows and the SGC logo on the back wall. “This ‘greatest endeavor of humanity,’ as my Doctor Jackson once put it.” 

He leveled a proud gaze at Sam and offered a little smile. “See, the people in charge of this command have always thought it was about finding cool space guns to blow the Goa’uld out of the sky, including me. Carter would probably know one if she saw it off-world but the rest of us would walk right by it, thinking it’s some kind of alien hood ornament.” 

Kawalski grinned and shook his head. 

“Carter’s good at that. She’s brought back some interesting stuff.” He got a return on the smile and nodded acceptance. He was a man she could respect and that was good. That she knew the respect was mutual was even better. 

“Thing is, General Hammond, I don’t believe our salvation’s going to come from stumbling across a weapon on some dead world. That’s because, if the weapon’s working, there’s probably people still there using it to protect themselves.” 

Hammond’s expression was thoughtful now. 

That was also good. 

“Daniel’s good with people,” Jack went on. “He wins friends and influences people. And _that_ , sir, is where our salvation lies. Somewhere out there, we’re going to come into contact with some folks who like us enough to want to save our sorry asses from the Goa’uld and the people who will make that connection for us are the ones we give the least credit: the gee-- _academics_ who speak a bazillion languages, who’ve always got a hand out asking if they can help. Not if someone else will help _us,_ but if we can help _them_. That’s Daniel’s way and it’s the _right_ way. If we pull the thorn out of the right lion’s paw, we’ll be able to defeat the Goa’uld. But we’ll never be able to do it alone, no matter what interesting technology we bring home.” 

He almost sat down but his behind reminded him that a chair wasn’t a good place to be at the moment. He stood back up again and fished in his pocket, sliding the mirror controller across the table to Sam. “This thing will make the quantum mirror work,” he added. “I kept it till I was sure this was where I was supposed to be.” 

Her eyes lit up as she examined the device. “Will you show me how it works?” 

Jack smiled at her. “Anything you want, Captain. I belong to this SGC now, heart and soul.” He looked at the General, using Daniel’s stock question. “How may I help you, sir?” 

Hammond smiled. He shook his head and dropped his pencil without writing down a word. “Nicely done, Colonel.” 

“So, you’ll keep me, then?” 

“I’ll have to do a little tap dancing to get you back pay but I think we can at least let you pick up where our O’Neill left off. Welcome home, son.” He rose and extended his hand for a firm shake. “That makes you one of the higher ranking officers in this organization. You also have the most experience; according to the resume you gave me, so I’ll be looking for a team assignment for you. Meanwhile…“ 

“Sir, if you don’t mind,” Jack cut in gently, “I’d like to be on SG-1. I’ll be subordinate in the field to Major Kawalski, if necessary. I’ll even forego my rank completely, but I have to go with Daniel, as a bodyguard, if nothing else.” 

Eyes widened all around the table at the suggestion. 

“What is it with you and Daniel, Jack?” Kawalski spluttered. “Are you hot for him or somethin’?” 

Jack reacted, body stiffening, eyes shooting a dangerous glare at the man. “I _told_ you, Charlie. Daniel is our MVP. We can’t afford to lose him. I intend to make _sure_ of that.” 

“And you don’t trust him to be safe under my command?” Kawalski’s dark eyes were challenging him, angry. He obviously didn’t want to give up what he felt was his team now. 

“Daniel wanders off. He gets into trouble. He’s a freakin’ _magnet_ for it. You know that, Kawalski. I didn’t trust him under my command either because he doesn’t follow orders. He needs a _keeper_ , for cryin’ out loud, not a new C.O.” 

“We’ll work this out, gentlemen,” Hammond interrupted coolly. “In the end, the decision will be mine, so I suggest you all get your arguments together, give them to me separately and let me be the General here. Dismissed.” 

Jack nodded. Kawalski sulked. Teal’c cocked an eyebrow and Carter grinned. 

Everybody started to push back their chairs but Jack held up a finger and lifted his eyebrows as he spoke. “Oh, one more thing, kids…” 

All eyes turned to him. 

“Don’t tell the… uh… academics they’re our MVPs. Some of them are insufferably arrogant as it is but that moniker would just put way too much pressure on Daniel.” Jack glanced at the table for a moment. “He seems to be quite a bit more, uh… _damaged_ … than the one I knew. He’ll take careful handling.” 

Carter stared up at him. “You’re a very different Colonel O’Neill than the one we had. You seem to have sharper observational skills.” 

“And a great deal more compassion,” offered the Jaffa. “This bodes well for your return to our ranks. Welcome, Other O’Neill.” 

“Just O’Neill, T. I’m not Other anymore. I’m yours.” He smiled at the Jaffa and extended his hand. 

Teal’c came around the table and took it, then gave him a firm embrace. “It is good to have you fighting alongside us again, O’Neill. You were greatly missed.” 

“Thanks, buddy.” 

Carter gave him a bright smile and a snappy salute. “Welcome back, Colonel.” 

Hammond had already headed for his office. The others left the room, with just Kawalski still at the table. The Major’s brown eyes rolled up angrily to meet Jack’s. 

“I’m not givin’ up my team,” he said gruffly. 

“I’m not askin’ you to,” Jack assured him quietly. “I’d be thrilled if Hammond put me back with SG-1 but I don’t want to take what you’ve earned here. You, me, Ferretti and Daniel are the only ones left from the first mission and I meant what I said. I’d be subordinate to your command, acting only as Daniel’s bodyguard, if that’s how Hammond wants to play it.” 

“I _know_ you, Jack,” Kawalski rasped. “In the heat of battle, you’d be calling the shots and the others would obey you without a second thought. They wouldn’t even _hear_ me.” 

That admission made a point Jack had been trying to avoid putting out in the open. He said nothing. It wasn’t necessary. Kawalski got it all by himself. 

He sighed and nodded. “That’s it, isn’t it? They’ll _always_ be your team. I was just a visiting coach.” 

“You’re a good man, Charlie,” Jack assured him. “I’m sure you’ve been an excellent commander. You were always nicer than me. People like you better.” 

“I don’t think Daniel ever really forgave me for knockin’ him on his ass on Abydos.” 

“Sure, he did. Daniel forgives everybody who hurts him,” Jack smiled. “And that’s one of the things that’s gonna save our asses in the end. Wait and see.” 

Kawalski smiled and shook his head. “Yeah, I’ll be watchin’. But I guess I’d better go tell Hammond I’m up for reassignment.” He shook Jack’s hand. “No hard feelings buddy.” He bumped chests and gave Jack a light slap on the back. 

“Thanks, Charlie. Maybe we can get together and play some street hockey soon. I’ve missed that.” 

“What, am I dead where you come from?” Kawalski asked with a grin. 

The memory crashing through Jack’s brain must have showed on his face. 

Kawalski sobered. “I am, huh? How?” 

“A snake got you, second trip through the ‘gate. We couldn’t get it out of you.” 

The Major rubbed at the back of his neck, fear glinting in his eyes. “I’ve been lucky here, then.” 

“Be thankful for that. In other universes, things are _very_ different.” 

Head down, Kawalski ambled toward the general’s office. “Daniel really makes _that_ much of a difference, Jack? You’re sure?” 

“He’s the key. Always has been. I just couldn’t see that till he was gone.” 

Without looking back, Kawalski knocked on the door and Jack headed for the stairs to go bother Carter and Teal’c for a while and share his news. He felt great, even with a sore ass, especially _because_ he had a sore ass and Daniel was going to be thrilled that he had a new C.O. 

However, Jack was going to have to make sure he didn’t show any kind of favoritism in the field or in the presence of other base personnel. He had to spend time with this Carter and Teal’c and renew old acquaintances, discover differences and show them that he cared about them as much as he had his own teammates. 

He felt bad about leaving the others behind but Teal’c had understood. Hell, he’d _approved_ what Jack had done and the Colonel felt sure Carter would, too. They were both strong, capable people and they’d land on their feet. He also felt certain that his prediction was correct and that the universe in which his friends fought on was doomed to defeat at the hands of the Goa’uld. He’d seen the shift in attention from exploration to the technology quest, and every alien race who had what they wanted saw the Tau’ri as little kids with water guns wanting to play with the real thing. 

And  always… _always…_ it had been Daniel who paved the way and made the amiable connection with those advanced races. 

One day, someone out there was going to either trust the Tau’ri not to shoot themselves in the foot, or come to their aid and help fight the Goa’uld because they saw something in humanity worth saving. 

Daniel was the best example of that. He had loads of virtues. Intelligence, curiosity and compassion all rolled up in a lovely, self-effacing package. Aliens _loved_ Daniel. His own people rarely gave him the time of day. 

There had to be something terribly wrong with that picture and Jack O’Neill intended to make these people start looking at his beloved geek in a new way, to really see what a priceless treasure they had in their midst, before it was too late. 

* * *

 

“That went well,” sighed Daniel as he stepped out of the freshening stall, the Messenetian version of a waterless shower. This alien technology would take a little getting used to, but he wouldn’t be there very long, after all. His first day had been a great success and their recently unearthed temple of the Greek goddess Artemis made a fascinating addition to the puzzle that the Goa’uld had left behind them. 

The archaeologist dressed for bed and sat down with his laptop, typing in notes on the day’s events. Hours passed without his notice but eventually weariness settled over him and he knew he should get some rest. The Messenetians were gearing up for some worldwide celebration, the Day of Absolution, they called it, and Daniel wanted to see it before he left. Tomorrow would be a reasonably busy day, though he’d have a little free time around mid-day to wander and see the sights and he wanted to make sure he didn’t waste it on needing a nap. 

Lying in the bed in the moonlight, he found it difficult to fall asleep. Memories of Jack made him smile and he hugged the extra pillow, pretending it was his lover. Daniel felt like the luckiest man in the universe to have a man like Jack O’Neill in love with him. 

Those thoughts energized him and he decided to go down to the library in the guest quarters assigned to him. The building had once been part of a palace, now divided up into various government offices, including the wing they had turned into residences for visiting dignitaries. Each wing had its own library and Daniel’s was stocked with books on the history and archaeology of the Messenetian people. 

He was curious about this Absolution ceremony, wanting to get an idea of what it signified and how it had come about, so he went downstairs to research it. 

He found a small boy sitting on the library floor, all alone, a big book with pictures of ancient buildings open in his lap. The child looked up guiltily and got to his feet, tucking the book under his arm. He edged nervously toward the shelf and tried to put it back. Not quite managing that task, it fell to the floor as he stepped away. 

_“Please, tell not that I was here!”_ the child asked breathlessly in his native tongue. _“Supposed to be in the building, not.”_

_“In bed, should you not be?”_ Daniel asked gently in Messenetian, moving into the room and fastening his robe with the sash that was dangling at his sides. He’d picked up their language quite well but still had a little trouble with the grammar. It made him sound like Yoda _. “Very late it is, you know.”_ He squatted down beside the child _. “Daniel is my name. What is yours?”_

_“Tinyar,”_ the boy replied, his green eyes as big as saucers. _“You won’t tell?”_

_“Nothing will I say,”_ he promised with a smile. _“Books on history, you like?”_ He picked up the fallen volume and opened it. _“Like them, too, I do.”_

Tinyar grinned. _“You talk funny.”_

_“Learning your language, I am,”_ Daniel explained with a shy smile. _“Soon will I learn it better. Teach me, can you?”_

Tinyar’s small, fair head bobbed enthusiastically. _“Sure. Help you, I will.”_

_“Tomorrow, then,”_ Daniel suggested. _“Mid-day will I find you and talk we will. Where shall I meet you?”_

The boy took his hand and led him to the window. He pointed to a small out-building that must have once been servant’s quarters to the palace. _“I live there. In the orphanage.”_

Daniel’s heart sank. “ _Your parents,”_ he said softly, looking up into Tinyar’s face. The child couldn’t have been more than ten or twelve years old. _“What happened to them?”_

Grief drew those fine blond brows together. Tinyar’s distress was obvious. _“They died in an accident. Two years ago.”_

Taking the boy’s trembling hands, Daniel gave them a squeeze. _“My parents I lost in an accident, too. When a boy I was, younger than you. How this feels, I know.”_ He let go of one hand and placed his palm against his chest. He gave the boy a sad smile. _“Get better, it will, Tinyar. I promise.”_

Tears gathered in the boy’s eyes and he shook his head. _“Not for me, Daniel.”_

_“Not long will I be here,”_ confessed Daniel, saddened by the child’s grief. _“Be with me while I am, you would like?”_ He shook his head. _“Sounds so clumsy it does from me. Better should I be with this.”_

_“I can understand you,”_ Tinyar assured him, wiping a tear from his face. _“And yes, I would like to see what you do. You’re not from our world, are you?”_

Daniel shook his head and wiped another tear from the boy’s cheek with his thumb. _“No. From Earth, I am. Come through the Stargate, I have. The Door to Heaven, as Messenetians say.”_

Tinyar sniffed back his tears and sighed. Then he smiled bravely. _“I would love to show you my world, Daniel, but I don’t want to get in the way.”_

Memories of childhood came streaming back to Daniel, how painful it had been to try to adjust to life without his parents. How his grandfather had rejected him and how that had made him feel; unwanted, unloved, unimportant. He wanted to make sure that same sort of thing hadn’t happened to Tinyar. 

_“Wish you with me, I do,”_ Daniel promised. “ _But for now, sleep must you have. Take you home, I shall.”_ He turned toward the door with Tinyar in tow. 

_“They don’t mind if I go out alone,”_ the boy promised. _“It’s all right for me to go wherever I want.”_

Daniel had seen enough of the alien news broadcasts to know that Messenetian society, just like that of any culture, had its good and bad elements, and just like Earth, there were those who preyed upon the unsuspecting and the unprepared. _“Safe it is not,”_ Daniel cautioned the boy. _“Out after dark, you should not be.”_

Tinyar shrugged. _“No one will hurt me,”_ he argued nonchalantly. _“Everyone knows my face.”_

_“A celebrity, you are?”_

The boy hung his head. _“Not exactly.”_

_“Still, in bed you should be. A big day we will have tomorrow.”_ He smiled down at the boy and led the way out of the wing toward the orphanage next door. 

It took a few minutes to rouse one of the staff. The woman looked very surprised and a little flustered to see him, obviously recognizing him from the news broadcasts. She hardly gave the boy a glance. 

_“Was he troubling you, Dr. Jackson?”_ she asked breathlessly. 

_“Oh, no. Tomorrow… Forgive please speech errors of mine… Tinyar will come with me, yes? He may do this?”_

The woman glanced down at the boy, standing off to one side in the doorway. She looked back at the alien scientist, shock obvious in her expression. _“You want him to visit with you?”_

Daniel smiled and nodded. _“Yes. Much like me, he is. An orphan was I, also, as a boy.”_

For a moment the woman considered. _“I will ask the headmistress,”_ she promised. _“But Tinyar is allowed to go where he pleases. No one may forbid him.”_

That didn’t sound like very good childcare, in Daniel’s opinion. He’d have to check into their state welfare system. _“Not a school day, tomorrow is?”_ Daniel shook his head, frowning as he tried to get a grip on their syntax. _“Tomorrow is not a school day for Tinyar? Did I say that right this time?”_

Tinyar grinned and nodded. _“Yes! You said it right, Daniel.”_

Daniel smiled back at him. He stooped and put the boy’s hand in the air, then slapped his palm to the boy’s. _“We call that a high five, Tinyar. It is for celebrations, for doing something right.”_

The boy looked at his hand and then wiggled his fingers. _“High five. I like high fives.”_

Looking back at the caretaker, Daniel waited for an answer. 

_“No, he doesn’t have to go to school if he doesn’t want to.”_

Daniel stood up slowly, certain his displeasure showed on his face. He spoke slowly; working to make his thoughts clear in this difficult language _. “How do you expect Tinyar to grow up to be a good man if he has no education?”_

_“We don’t,”_ the woman said simply. She turned to the boy and nodded toward the interior of the building. Tinyar dashed inside without a word. _“You must understand, Dr. Jackson, Tinyar has no future. He has no time.”_

_“Understand do I not,”_ Daniel shot back. _“He is ill? Explain.”_

The woman looked distinctly uncomfortable. _“Perhaps you should discuss this with the high council. It’s not my place to tell you…”_ She started to turn away. 

Daniel caught her arm, ever so gently. _“Show me to his rooms. Please.”_

The woman nodded, tightened her robe about her and led the way inside. It was beautifully decorated with large murals in bright colors; just the sort of thing children would love. There were playrooms to the front of the building, a library filled with children’s books and a cafeteria that was equally as well designed as every other room Daniel saw as they passed. Up the stairs they went, past large dormitories with small cots where children of all ages lay sleeping in gaily adorned rooms. Stuffed toys were plentiful and each child had his or her own private space, complete with desk and small bookcase. 

It didn’t look so bad, Daniel thought. It was far better than the juvenile facility where he’d been placed until that first foster home was located. That thought made his shoulders come up around his ears and he shut it out, concentrating on Tinyar and the boy’s situation. Ascending several more flights of stairs, they came to an attic room off by itself. 

The woman opened the door and for a moment, Daniel was stunned. It was lavish, beautiful and filled with books and toys. Obviously, there was some sort of celebrity status attached to the boy, if the stack of letters on the desk were any indication. Tinyar was hurrying into a nightshirt behind a dressing screen and when he finished he came out and stood beside the bed, looking up at his visitors. 

_“Doctor Jackson wanted to see your room,”_ the worker explained. 

_“You are okay?”_ Daniel asked uncertainly. 

_“I’m fine,”_ Tinyar answered without thinking. _“Would you like to tell me a bedtime story?”_

Daniel couldn’t help grinning. _“Mangle it, I would, Tinyar.”_

The boy pulled a small book from the case beside his bed. _“Read to me, then?”_

_“That I can do well,”_ Daniel assured him. _“To bed with you.”_ He moved into the room and sat at the foot of the bed. Glancing back at the woman in the doorway, he told her, _“Speak with your headmistress tomorrow, I will. Thank you for your help, Miss…?”_

_“Cinda,”_ the woman said. She looked concerned as her eyes flicked between man and boy and saying nothing more, closed the door after her. 

Daniel thought it strange that these people would trust someone they didn’t know with one of their children. Then again, he was a high profile visitor and would be easy to locate even off their planet, but there were other things about Tinyar’s situation that bothered him, things he wanted addressed before he went home. 

He glanced at the boy now snuggled under the covers and smiled, opened the storybook and began to read. 

* * *

 

Jack stood in the doorway of Carter’s lab, watching her angle toward some little thing on the workbench with a pair of long tweezers. He grinned. “Carter!” he barked and got the expected reaction. 

She dropped the tweezers when she jerked, caught and juggled them for a moment before finally losing them to the floor. Exasperated, she shot an impatient glance at him. “Sir!” She bent to pick them up, removed her face shield and stepped away from the bench with an exasperated sigh. “What can I do for you, Colonel?” 

He stepped in and shut the door, stuffing his hands into his pockets and flapping them back and forth to fan out the BDU pants playfully. “Oh, nothin’. Just came to renew old acquaintances.” He stuck his right hand out toward her. “Howdy. I’m Jack O’Neill. That’s Colonel, to you.” 

Sam couldn’t help grinning and shook his hand. “Captain Samantha Carter. It’s good to have you back, sir. What would you like to know?” 

“Well, I expect I’ll be reading a lot of mission reports while Daniel’s away, making notes on where things were different in my universe. Sort of a reference guide, I guess. The big thing is that I need to get to know my people all over again. I’m sure there are a lot of similarities between you and my Carter, which will make things easier but there will be differences too, and I need to know about those.” 

“Like?” 

“Are you married or otherwise involved? How’s your father and is he a Tok’ra? Did you get Jolinar or not? Lots of things. The _Sixteen Magazine_ version of Captain Dr. Samantha Carter, if you please. Oh, and mine was a Major, but hopefully we’ll address your rank and potential for promotion soon.”  

She looked a little startled but grasped the concept right away. “Okay, I’m not sure exactly what to tell you but here goes… Life history in brief.” She stepped away, head down and started to pace the lab. “My mom died when I was a teenager…“ 

“Check,” Jack noted aloud. 

Sam glanced up at him and nodded. “I have one brother, Mark, who has two kids and lives in San Diego.” 

“Check.” 

Her face grew somber and she started pacing again. “My father passed away two years ago, so no, he’s not a Tok’ra.” She stopped walking and met his steady gaze. 

Her voice changed. “But _I_ am, Colonel O’Neill. I have chosen to work with the Tau’ri, rather than my own people. I see great promise in your race.” She smiled. “And I agreed with your speech in the briefing room. I believe you are correct in your theory.” 

Jack felt himself step backward at the sound of that voice coming out of her mouth. “Hellooo, Jolinar! I didn’t expect this. How’d you manage stayin’ alive? And getting out of lockup and back into rotation?” 

“Teal’c sensed the presence of the Ashrak sent to kill me and stopped him,” Jolinar told him. “I spent several months in SGC custody, until the Tok’ra managed to trace me here. They made contact with General West and established diplomatic relations in an effort to get me back. However, once I understood the great love of your team for one another and witnessed through Samantha’s memory your many successes against the Goa’uld, I decided I could do more good here than with my own kind.” 

She smiled again. “I was allowed to stay and share my knowledge with the SGC. Eventually, once trust was established, I was allowed to return to duty with SG-1.” 

“Okay. I guess I’ll read all about it in the mission reports then, huh?” 

Sam’s head dipped and the voice was her own again. “Yes, sir. Anything else?” 

Jack’s eyebrows lifted slightly. “Martouf?” 

She stiffened. “Dead. Long ago,” Jolinar answered. 

Nodding, Jack started to turn away. He rubbed the back of his neck and faced Carter with a grimace. “There wasn’t anything between you and _me_ that I should know about, was there?” 

The shock on her face spoke volumes. “No! Instant court martial, Colonel. Why would you even think…?“ 

He shook his head and grinned. “I had to ask. We’ve had some crossovers from alternate universes into ours. One time you…uh…another Carter and Kawalski came through and…odd as it may seem, _that_ Sam and Jack were married. She wasn’t in the military, though, so it was okay.” 

Surprise lit her face again. “No kidding? That’s wild. I’ve never been attracted to you. Not in the least.” 

“Blow to the old ego there, Carter,” he shot back easily. 

She grinned. “Sorry, sir.” 

“No, you’re not.” 

“You’re right. So, she didn’t stay?” 

He shook his head. “There was some tropical waterfall thing that kept that from happening. Two Carters cannot occupy the same universe at the same time or something.” 

“Entropic cascade failure?” she corrected. 

“Yeah, that. Didn’t look too comfy either. But we gave ‘em what they needed and sent ‘em home.” 

“Back to their own universe? You can do that?” 

“Yeah. General Hammond has given us the go for returning to that planet tomorrow to play with the mirror. I’ll show you how it works and how to find your way back home once you’ve stepped into somebody else’s universe. Just be sure you don’t stay long, okay?” 

“This is gonna be _so_ fun!” she gushed, shivering a little with excitement. 

Jack pointed at her. “See, my Carter would never do that. That was positively… girly.” 

“I _am_ a girl, or hadn’t you noticed?” She struck a pose, arms crossed, daring him to look. It was a challenge. 

He didn’t take the bait and maintained eye contact. “I noticed when you walked into the briefing room that first day, Captain. Haven’t forgotten that fact, _ever_.” 

“Anything else I can help you with, sir?” She relaxed her pose and took a step toward the workbench. 

“Yeah.” He sauntered closer and pulled up a stool. “Tell me about your Teal’c and Daniel. Anything you think I oughta know.” 

He left the lab hours later, his mind reeling with all the new information. Apparently this Sam and Daniel were pretty tight and the archaeologist had told her about a lot of his past traumas. Teal’c’s story was pretty much the same, not a lot new there. However, Jack did notice when Sam talked about him that she looked…sort of…proud. That had to mean something; he just wasn’t sure what yet. 

Jack found the Jaffa in the gym, embarrassing some weights. The guy was so strong that none of the machines offered much in the way of resistance. He’d load them up and go for maximum reps to work up a sweat and whenever he hit the weights, all the other men in the gym would just leave. It was just too emasculating to watch the big guy work out. 

Only Jack O’Neill wasn’t put off by it at all. He’d still bust his butt to try and beat his Teal’c, if not in sheer pounds, then by doing just one more rep on whatever weight he could handle. Invariably, the Colonel would need to be carried to the showers to recover but his pride, at least, was saved. He wondered if this Teal’c would let him win or make the Colonel push himself to beat him in the same sort of contests. 

“Hey, T,” he called, plunking down on a neighboring weight bench. “How ya doin’?” 

The Jaffa grunted through the final repetitions and set the weights aside easily. “I am well, O’Neill. And you?” 

“Came to have a little chat. About the team.” 

“Am I the last?” 

That question set Jack back slightly. “Well, yeah. Does it matter? Carter was easier to find.” 

Teal’c looked at him. There was just the tiniest gleam of humor in those dark, fathomless eyes. “She and I had a wager. I believed Captain Carter would be last.” 

“So you lost? What was the bet?” 

The big man studied O’Neill for a long time, sitting perfectly still. He seemed to be considering something. “An hour of _tenet fah.”_

Jack’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. His mouth fell open and his eyes went wide. He’d never been too interested in the alien tongue and hadn’t bothered to learn much of it but the eventful night of the Jello wrestling, Teal’c told Daniel and Jack about a mystical Jaffa sex technique that could cause permanent damage if practiced too frequently. He wasn’t too specific about the details but he’d called it _tenet fah_. That was a set of words that Jack had troubled himself to remember. He’d always meant to ask for details. Perhaps now was the time. 

Aside from that was the shock that Teal’c and Sam were _doing it._ He lowered his voice to a whisper, despite the fact that there was no one else in the gym. “Teal’c, are you crazy? You’re a married man!” 

The warrior stiffened. He frowned. “I am not.” 

“You’re not? No Drey’auc?” 

“My wedding to Drey’auc was never consummated,” Teal’c explained gently. “She was a gift from Apophis but I had no desire for her and did not touch her. When I became _shol’va,_ she had the marriage annulled and wed another. I was pleased for her.” 

“Oh.” Jack remembered another face from their mutual past. “What about Shaun’ac?” 

Grief spread across Teal’c’s face and he bowed his head. “She was a priestess. She was not meant to be a wife.” 

“So you’ve had nobody,” Jack guessed. Part of him was glad he and Carter found each other. “Till Sam.” He reached out to touch that huge, sweaty arm, giving it an approving pat. “I’m happy for you both. Just don’t let the brass get wind of it.” 

Suddenly he remembered that look on Carter’s face as she talked about her Jaffa teammate. He smacked his palm on his forehead. “Jeez, I am so dense! Even Nintendos can’t pass through this brain sometimes. They must be bouncin’ off even as we speak.” 

Teal’c cocked his head, obviously confused. 

“Never mind. Must be an alternate universe thing,” he sighed and smiled. “So, now it’s your turn. I want the lowdown on Carter and Daniel from you. Everything you know and are willing to share, but let’s _not_ go into your personal relationship with her. That would just be way too much information.” 

“You do not wish to know how _tenet fah_ is performed?” 

Jack sat up straight, instantly at attention. “I’m all ears. We’ll get to the team stuff later.” 

Teal’c gave an approving nod and launched into a Jaffa Kama Sutra that left Jack shaking like a leaf and as horny as hell, with some definite ideas of things to try when his lover got home. 

* * *

 

The information Daniel had been given about Tinyar just didn’t make sense. The Messenetians were intentionally vague about the boy, hinting at a condition that _sounded_ like a fatal disease, yet the child seemed in perfect health. Apparently everyone knew Tinyar though few people actually looked him in the eye or spoke his name. Some went out of their way to avoid the boy, which confused Daniel all the more. 

Thoughts of adoption began to circle through the archaeologist’s mind, especially when he and Tinyar had time to themselves, just to talk quietly. Hesitantly, Daniel told stories of some of his milder adventures and his proficiency with the difficult language increased under Tinyar’s patient tutelage and during the mid-day break, under an increasingly overcast sky, Tinyar took Daniel to his favorite place, a museum filled with relics of the Messenetians’ ancient past. 

_“You are just like I was, as a boy,”_ Daniel confessed shyly. _“My parents were seekers of the past and took me with them, searching for history and truth.”_

_“My parents were teachers,”_ Tinyar told him. _“We often came here together.”_

The boy slipped his hand into the man’s as they walked, tugging him toward the next exhibit. Tinyar’s enthusiastic chatter warmed Daniel’s heart and he began to feel certain that there was nothing at all wrong with the boy. A sense of attachment was developing, and though he knew he should hold back his heart, he couldn’t help himself. He cared about the boy. He could see himself in that child’s face and didn’t want his own tragic past to be repeated with this bright, sweet-natured boy. 

When the noon break was over and Daniel had to return to work, he knelt down to look into Tinyar’s eyes. _“Why do your people let you go wherever you want? Why do you not go to school like other children?”_

Despair rose in those deep green eyes. Tinyar shrugged. _“There is no point. I chose to be the Malbin.”_

_“What is that? We do not have this word on my world.”_

_“You have no Day of Absolution?”_ Tinyar frowned. _“Then how can your sins be forgiven? How can you bring back the light?”_

That was a pretty lofty concept for one so young but Daniel had already seen how precocious and intelligent Tinyar was. _“There are many different beliefs in how that can be accomplished on my world,”_ Daniel explained. _“How do your people do it?”_

The child just stared at him, confused. Sadness made Tinyar’s eyes fill with tears but he sniffed them back. He stroked Daniel’s hair gently with one hand and tried to smile. _“Don’t worry, Daniel. Come to the celebration and you’ll be free. I‘ll help you.”_

_“All right. Do I need to bring or wear anything special?”_

_“No. It’s simple, just some talking and prayers. The whole world participates, all at the same time.”_

Tinyar’s lower lip began to tremble and the tears he had held back until now fell in a rush. He embraced Daniel fiercely, holding him for a long time. 

Sensing the boy’s fear and grief, Daniel wished there was something he could do to help. The only thing that came to mind was Cassandra of Hanka, a child whose entire culture had been destroyed by the Goa’uld Nirrti. SG-1 had brought Cassie home with them, and Dr. Fraiser had adopted her. Perhaps there might be someone else at the base interested in raising a beautiful little boy like Tinyar. 

Maybe even someone like _himself_. 

Daniel sighed against Tinyar’s blond hair. In order for him to bring the boy home, he’d have to give up the SGC. This was essentially the same dilemma Nick Ballard had wrestled with once upon a time. The choice this time, however, was not discovering Man’s past but ensuring humanity’s future. 

_“I wish I could take you home with me, Tinyar,”_ Daniel whispered, his hands stroking over the boy’s small back and soft hair. _“I wish I could raise you on Earth.”_

Tinyar’s arms tightened and his sniffles turned to sobs. 

Daniel felt his heart breaking as his feelings for Tinyar’s suddenly became apparent to him. Daniel could be an advisor and manage the SGC’s academic staff from Earth, with only occasional forays off world. He could do that… if he was still single. With Jack in his life now, Daniel would need to talk it over with his partner first, make sure it was all right with Jack to adopt a child. Jack had lost a son just about this age and Daniel felt sure the boy might help fill the empty place in O’Neill’s heart. 

For a long time, Daniel just held the child close, remembering his own tortured childhood. He blinked back tears, struggling to hold onto his emotions, to be strong for the boy. When Tinyar pulled away, Daniel pulled his dress handkerchief out of his breast pocket and wiped away the tears rolling down that precious little face. He held the cloth around Tinyar’s nose and commanded him to blow, then gave the hankie to the child to keep. 

_“I will check into it when I go home tomorrow,”_ Daniel promised, taking that face in both hands _. “I have to ask permission there before I try here. Okay? Will you wait for me?”_

Tinyar’s face screwed up into a grimace of pain and loss. He couldn’t speak so he just nodded his head. Clutching the hankie to his chest, he turned and started off across the well-manicured lawn toward the orphanage. 

Ten feet away, he stopped and turned back. _“I love you, Daniel,”_ he called in a grief-stricken voice, and ran the rest of the way home. 

Daniel waved, letting the tears free to trickle down his cheeks. A sense of _deja vu_ settled over him as he remembered running away from Nick when his grandfather told him that he couldn’t take him. His whole world had come crashing down around him that day. He had vowed never to need anybody ever again and now he was watching another boy try desperately not to hope this near stranger would keep his promise. 

Jack would just have to understand. This was something Daniel _had_ to do, both for himself and for Tinyar, and he felt certain Jack would approve. 

He smiled as the boy disappeared into the building. There was still a great deal of archaeological work to do on his last day, not to mention the meetings with the Messenetian council and he had to find out where and when the celebration would be held so he could make arrangements to attend. If Tinyar wanted him there, nothing would stop him from going. He needed to let the boy understand that someone cared. 

Even though it wasn’t someone from his own world. 

Daniel looked up at the darkening sky and shivered. He’d never seen cloud cover so black, so dense before and it brought a sense of instinctive fear with it. The sun was all but blotted out and all the city lights were on to counteract the darkness. He hurried back to the council chamber with a sense of foreboding nagging at his consciousness, hoping it was just the sky and nothing ominous looming in his future. 

* * *

 

Jack stood on the mirror platform, looking out over the landscape, his back to the dead city. Carter was on the other side of the mirror, dialing different universes and looking through the glass at the possibilities. Sometimes there would be other SGC teams looking back at her, sometimes natives from the city when it was alive and sometimes the landscape was barren, as this one was. She was having a great time, spouting theories and scientific babble in a non-stop flood. 

“We should take this back to the base for more research,” she declared at one point. 

“No, we should _not_ , Carter. Bad idea.” 

She spared him a glance. “Why?” 

“No iris and no way to put one on it. We have that thing anywhere on Earth and alternate universe Goa’uld can just walk right onto the planet. Thanks, but we’ll leave it here and make it a little harder for ‘em to get to us.” 

“Oh. Right.” 

Eventually her chatter bugged him enough that he wandered off the platform, past Teal’c and down the broad street to where Kawalski stood, keeping an eye on the city for those predatory animals they’d encountered on their first trip to that world. Jack strolled closer, hoping to engage the man in conversation. Charlie had been generous, and this would be the last time they worked together on the same team. Both of them knew that. 

“You okay?” Jack asked quietly. 

“Yeah. You?” Kawalski’s sharp eyes gave him a brief but assessing glance. 

Jack shrugged. “Good. Good.” Silence lapsed between them, until Kawalski brought up hockey and steered them into familiar territory. Slowly, Jack brought the conversation back to the team and specifically, to Daniel. “What do you know about him, Charlie?” 

“Kinda shy,” Kawalski offered casually. “He’s usually the first one with his hand out, ready to make friends with the aliens we meet, though. Which is strange, because he doesn’t like to be touched. Doesn’t talk much to the rest of us.” He grinned. “Looks like he’s warmed to you, though. He was talkin’ your ear off the last time I saw you together.” 

Jack scowled. “Yeah, well, that’s gotta change. We may be roomies, at least temporarily, but there’s only so much of that chatter I can stand and God knows the guy can talk. About anything and everything… except himself.” Jack let that settle on the other man’s mind. “What do you know about him, _personally_?” 

Kawalski’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?” 

“Those little scars all over his chest and back. Ever seen ‘em?” 

That made the Major look a little troubled. “Yeah, a couple times. He prefers to shower alone after missions, but that’s not always possible.” Charlie cleared his throat. “I did ask about ‘em once.” 

“And?” Jack prodded when the other man fell silent. 

Kawalski’s gaze was haunted when he looked at Jack again. “Cigarette burns, just what they look like. That’s why he was removed from his first foster home. Didn’t have much luck with the other one, either.” 

Jack looked at the ground. “That’s what I figured. His psych evals okay?” 

Charlie grinned. “Steady as a rock,” he shot back proudly. “Base shrink says that people who survive abuse basically turn out one of two ways: either they become abusers themselves, or they do a one-eighty and become ultra-gentle. That’s our Daniel. Kindest soul I ever met. He’d give his life for you. Hell, he’d do it for people he never even met, without batting an eyelash.” 

O’Neill’s steady gaze never wavered. “That’s exactly how he died in my universe, Kawalski,” he growled. “Stopped a bomb from going off on a world we’d just contacted. Died of radiation poisoning that turned his insides to goo. Took about eighteen hours before it killed him. There was nothing we could do.” 

The Major blanched, his color going suddenly gray. “Ah, Jeez! Jack, I’m sorry.” He sighed and wiped his face with one hand, obviously trying to collect himself. “You can trust this Daniel at your back. He won’t let you down, either.” 

“I was on that planet at the time,” Jack added softly. “He saved my life, too.” 

A silence filled with pain passed between the two men before Jack broke it. “Do you like him, Charlie?” 

That surprised the Major a little. “Well, uh, yeah, I guess. He’s okay. He just… I dunno. Don’t spend much time with him. He’s always got his head buried in a book.” 

“Or writing one,” Jack mused. “You ever read any of his novels?” 

Kawalski’s eyebrows lifted up under his Boonie hat. “He’s written novels? No, I didn’t know.” 

“Maybe you should read ‘em sometime. I bought a couple copies of the set yesterday. I’ll lend you one.” 

“What kinda novels are they?” 

Jack couldn’t help cracking a grin. “Science fiction. Go figure.” 

With a laugh, Kawalski nodded. “Yeah, considering what we do…” 

“He wrote these before he joined the SGC. Based on his absurd theories that got him laughed out of the archaeologists’ club. It’s kinda scary how right he was about all of this.” Jack waved a hand around, signifying the alien world on which they now stood.

His eyes fell on Kawalski’s face again. “He _knew_ , Charlie. He knew all of this was out here. All he was missing was the ‘gate.” 

“And Catherine Langford gave him that.” Charlie shook his head. “Yeah, I’d like to read ‘em. May take me a while. I’m not a fast reader.” 

“I’ve got an extra set. I’m reading those.” Jack’s eyes scanned the scenery again, alert for movement. 

“So, is he any good?” 

Jack’s gaze shot back to the Major’s face. He frowned. “At what?” 

“Writing. Are the stories good?” 

“Oh, yeah.” Jack wasn’t really surprised at how well the linguist had taken to storytelling. “You won’t want to put ‘em down.” 

“Wait till my next weekend off, then.” Charlie surveyed the empty city as well. “So what do you think of my Carter and Teal’c?” 

Jack grinned, his fingers stroking the smooth shaft of his P-90. “They’ll do, Charlie. They’ll do just fine.” 

* * *

 

The auditorium was filled with people. At the front of the cavernous room was a large stage. Devices that served to record and transmit images all over the world were aimed at the stage or sweeping the audience and Daniel noted that a few of them hesitated on him as he took a seat front and center in the audience, at the foot of the stage. 

He studied the display on which all eyes were focused. The stage was aglitter with reflective surfaces, aglow with lights, sparkling and beautiful. At the center was a small white chair that looked rather like a throne. Above that arched a mirrored dome studded with small spikes that looked like a giant crown of some kind. At the base of the chair was a mirrored plate in the shape of a semi-circle, also studded with the same kind of short projections as on the dome. It was very ornate, built with obvious craftsmanship and great care, but Daniel couldn’t discern its purpose. 

At the appointed hour the audience was seated and the house lights dimmed. All the transmission devices were trained on the stage and Daniel watched as the Messenetian high council escorted the woman he recognized as their revered high priestess mount the stage. He listened to their greetings, to their state of the world address and their thanks for the new relations with the Tau’ri. They talked about hope and progress and cleansing, of restoring the light and banishing darkness. 

The ceremony delved into their religious tenets, about the sacrifice made far back in Messenet’s past by their savior. From the way they described the character, Daniel could easily draw parallels to Jesus Christ, except that their icon had been a mere child, not a grown man. Through the child’s wisdom and purity, the people were cleansed of their sins and sought to renew their faith by once more dedicating themselves to live better lives. 

Daniel smiled as he saw Tinyar approach them from the wings, dressed in a neat white suit with a round silver _yarmulke_  on his head and a sparkling white scarf around his neck. A great roar went up from the crowd at his appearance and Daniel cheered as well, standing up and waving his hands in the air in the Messenetian form of applause. This was the kind of love and respect the boy deserved, he told himself. The comments he’d made to the council must have had a positive effect. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be necessary for him to adopt Tinyar after all. Maybe the boy could just come for a visit to Earth when this ceremony was over. Regardless, Daniel would still follow up on Tinyar’s care and see him whenever he could. 

Things were suddenly looking much brighter for the orphan boy. 

Daniel watched Tinyar take his seat in the white chair. The boy’s eyes searched the audience for him and Daniel waved back at him, smiling encouragement. Tinyar smiled, his chin trembling. A tear spilled over his cheek and was scrubbed quickly away. Then Tinyar leaned back and looked up at the dome as the priestess began to chant and the audience fell silent. 

All around him, Messenetians began to put on silver gloves, their hands still waving in the air. Someone handed a single glove to Daniel and he put it on as the others did, holding his hand out toward the stage. He felt his heart swell with pride as he listened to the words, translating them as they were spoken aloud. 

Tinyar’s people adored him, of that Daniel was now certain. 

He kept his eyes on the boy, watching him grip the arms of the chair until his fingertips turned white. 

* * *

 

Jack stood in the elevator after punching the button and spied a familiar shape bending over the security desk to sign in. He grinned, holding back the door and preparing to greet the diminutive woman once she saw him. Unfortunately, she didn’t look up, just shifted the bundle of papers and accordion files in her arms as she hurried toward the elevator. 

Selecting the floor for the infirmary, Jack waited for the moment to arrive. 

Dr. Janet Fraiser stepped into the car, reaching for the panel with her free hand and flexing a polite smile of greeting as she finally eyed her elevator-mate. 

“Hi, Doc,” Jack said calmly. He gave a little wave. 

Fraiser dropped her papers and flattened herself against the wall with a little squeal of fright. 

“Colonel…? God!” she squeaked, breathe heaving. 

“Nope. Still Colonel _O’Neill_.” He was enjoying this. After all the needles the woman had poked into his behind and various other parts, not to mention the yearly physicals, it was nice to see her ready to crawl out of her skin for once. “Relax, I’m not a ghost. Not resurrected or anything weird like that.” He chuckled. “I came from an alternate universe.” 

“Holy Hannah!” Fraiser wheezed, apparently collecting herself rapidly. 

“Still hangin’ with Carter, I see,” he observed with quiet amusement. 

She hesitated before bending down to pick up her things. “Colonel, I… Damn, I just got back from a lovely three week vacation and I think I need another one already.” She kept glancing up at him. 

He squatted down to help and stood up with her. 

Then she reached out with one finger and poked his arm. Letting out a sigh of relief, she said, “In the four years I’ve been with the SGC, I’ve seen some pretty strange things. _You_ , however, are the strangest.” 

Jack flashed a rakish grin. “Why, thank you.” He leaned a little closer and lowered his voice conspiratorially. “I’ll bet you say that to all the Colonels.” 

She gave him a familiar roll of the eyes. “No, sir. Just to _you_. I don’t know how the hell you got here but we’re glad to have you. Back. Or… I’m not sure _what_ I mean. But welcome.” 

The doors slid open on her floor. Jack held the door open for her, his brows twitching together. “Just four years? Our Dr. Fraiser was with us for five. What kept you?” 

The woman frowned at him as she exited, walking backward as she tried to figure out what that meant. “Have you had a thorough checkup, sir?” 

“Inside and out, thanks to Dr. Warner. I’m cleared for duty and back on SG-1.” 

He gave her a happy little salute as the doors closed between them. He was glad this SGC had a Fraiser. When he’d first arrived, he had neglected to ask about her on seeing Dr. Warner in charge of the infirmary. The guy might be a great surgeon but he didn’t know beans about figuring out alien diseases. That was Fraiser’s strong suit, applying her gigantic intellect to problems they encountered along the way and saving their butts nearly every time. Now that he knew she was there, refreshed from some well-earned time off, he found it comforting. 

SG-1 tended to be hard on the medical staff. He just hoped his luck would be better in _this_ universe than it had been in the last. 

* * *

 

Daniel sat on the cushions, his face turned toward the window. He didn’t move when the door opened and closed, just continued to stare out through the latticed carving. 

Jack ambled across the luxurious room, taking note that the bed was barely rumpled and shaking his head. That was Daniel, never taking proper care of himself even when he didn’t need to push limits. “Hey, Daniel. Ready to go home? You’re a couple hours late, so Hammond sent me to see if everything was all right.” 

“Jack?” Daniel turned just his head in the direction of the address. 

“Didja miss me? I’m ready for some brute animal sex when we get home, just to welcome you back properly. Teal’c told me about some Jaffa techniques that we just _have_ to take for a spin.” Jack came up behind the window seat, feeling the heat of the late morning sun filtering through the beautifully carved window covering. 

“It’s morning, isn’t it?” Daniel asked, an edge to his voice. 

“Duh.” Jack extended a hand toward the window. “ _Earth to Daniel Jackson_. What planet are you on, anyway?” He realized that wasn’t at all what he meant to say, and that they were on a world called Messenet. “Strike that. You okay?” 

Daniel’s eyes moved up to Jack’s face but didn’t focus there. He blinked and then lowered his head, looking down into his lap. He was holding a thin strip of some sparkly white fabric, clinging to it like he needed it for some reason. When he spoke again, his voice was soft, barely audible. 

“Jack… I can’t see. I’m blind.” 

Shock and fear bolted through the Colonel. He grabbed his lover’s shoulders and pushed him back, trying to make him look up but Daniel just kept his head down, fighting him off clumsily. “What happened? Did somebody hurt you?” 

With a shrug, Daniel said, “I don’t think so. I feel fine. Things were going well here, more or less. No animosity, no real tensions. I voiced some concerns over some of their social practices but they took it as cultural differences and we all moved on.” 

He frowned. “There was a celebration last night. I don’t remember much of it except… I woke up this morning and thought it was still night.” He sighed and stretched out a hand toward the window. “Till I felt the heat from the sunlight.” 

Jack straightened, his insides churning “I’m takin’ you back to the infirmary right now,” he growled, “and then I’m comin’ back here to find out what these people did to you.” 

 He pulled Daniel to his feet, hooked his hand around the man’s bicep and led him slowly toward the door. “Anything you need to collect from here before we go?” He was aware how gentle his voice sounded in contrast to the turmoil inside. 

He wasn’t mad at Daniel, but Jack just might _kill_ whoever had done this to him. 

* * *

 

Dr. Fraiser opened the folder and looked up at the worried faces around the briefing table. “I’ve got all the test results and I’ve spoken with Daniel about them, but I’m afraid he’s in denial.” 

“Of?” Jack prodded, eyebrows raised. 

Janet sighed. “I’ve checked his eyes, done brain scans, a tox screen and dozens of other tests. Aside from a little alcohol residue and slight dehydration from the celebration he told us about, he’s pretty much okay. There was some irritation to his retina, probably caused from a bright flash of light, but his eyes are fine and should be transmitting information normally.” 

“So why can’t Daniel see?” Kawalski demanded anxiously. “It’s been six hours since he got back to the base. If this was just temporary, wouldn’t it have worn off by now?” 

Janet pointed with her pen to the computer screen on the table. “There’s also a slight anomaly in the hippocampus area of his brain.” Indicating the area, a miniscule off-color speck in the midst of all that grey matter, she explained. “This is the area where short term memory is stored. This shows there has been some trauma or alteration to it, which is likely why he can’t remember the events of the previous evening. The source for this disturbance could be biological, mechanical… or emotional.” 

“You mean Doctor Jackson could be suffering from some psychological trauma?” General Hammond prodded gently. 

The physician sighed. “I’m afraid so. All the data suggests that there is nothing _physically_ wrong with him.” 

“So why can’t he see?” Jack frowned. 

Teal’c’s right eyebrow lifted as he regarded the Colonel. “Perhaps there is something he does not _wish_ to see.” 

Jack’s face was the picture of resentment. “That was a low blow, T. I know I’m no beauty queen, but…“ 

“Colonel, I think what Teal’c means is that Daniel’s mind has shut down in that area because of something he’s seen. It’s called hysterical blindness,” Fraiser explained. Her expression was drawn. “Until we can help him find the reason he’s done this to himself, the condition could be permanent.” 

O’Neill turned away slightly, eyes rolling closed, his expression filled with grief and sadness. He rubbed a long-fingered hand down his face and glanced at Carter. “So I guess using that Goa’uld healing thingy won’t help, either?” 

“I’m afraid not, Colonel,” the doctor agreed. “I’m suggesting he start some sessions with Dr. MacKenzie to see if he can help--“ 

Jack’s eyes widened with alarm. “No! Making Daniel go to that man _won’t_ help, trust me. Let _me_ work with him for a while. He trusts me, and if anybody can get to the bottom of this, it’ll be _me_.” He paused, glancing around at the skeptical expressions turned toward him. 

“I’ll irritate it out of him,” he explained harshly. 

Janet smiled and shook her head. “I still think Dr. MacKenzie would be the best solution here. He’s an expert in the field of psychology and you’re not, Colonel O’Neill. You could just make things worse.” 

“In _my_ universe, I have a degree in psychology,” Jack snapped, “ _and_ one in English, if you must know, but I don’t advertise that fact. I _do_ know a little something about reading people, Doc.” He sighed and relaxed a little. “The condition is a dissociative disorder, a conversion reaction to emotional trauma.” 

Sam was watching the Colonel’s face and shook her head. “I think he’s right. If Daniel’s going to open up to anybody, it’ll be one of us.” She looked at the General and straightened, “but I think we should also attack this problem from the other end, sir. Permission for Teal’c, Major Kawalski and myself to go back to Messenet and investigate the events of Daniel’s visit.” 

Hammond glanced at O’Neill. “The Messenetians are our allies,” the older man observed. “We’ve established good relations with them so far. There is no reason to think SG-1 will be in any danger.” 

“No reason to think _Daniel_ was in any danger when he left for that place either,” Jack reminded him angrily. He shot a stern look at Carter. “Take no chances. Stick together and be _damned_ careful.” 

“Yes, sir.” She turned to the General. “Sir?” 

Hammond considered a moment longer, glancing up at Teal’c’s determined eyes. “All right, Major Kawalski. You have a go.” 

“Meanwhile,” Jack eyed his new C.O. “I’m taking Daniel home. Might as well get started on his… unofficial debriefing.” 

Janet laid her hand on his forearm. “Be gentle, Colonel,” she advised. “Whatever upset him to this degree had to be terrible and his mind won’t want to go back to that place. I have experience treating this kind of trauma and I know it when I see it.” 

O’Neill nodded, fiddling with his pen. “I know _,_ but we need him _whole_.” He glanced at the table. “Besides, I know _Daniel_. This one’s not so different from the other one, except maybe a little more fragile. If he stays too long in the dark, doc… it’ll _kill_ him.” Those brown eyes were afraid when they moved back up to her face. 

“Meanwhile, Colonel, I’m not sure telling Daniel this is all in his mind will help,” Janet added. “If he believes there’s some physical cause, he’ll be more likely to try to open up to you. So,” she reached into her pocket for some over-the-counter eye drops and a bottle of vitamins, pressing them into O’Neill’s hand. “Give him two drops in each eye, every four hours, except at night. The vitamins are low enough dosage you can give them twice a day, morning and night. I’ll handle the cover story.” 

She didn’t relish flat-out lying to her patients but sometimes a placebo was necessary. Comfort was a necessary adjunct to all other treatments and Daniel would need all of that he could get. If he believed things were being done to help him get well, his consciousness would orient toward that course and strive to reach it. 

Janet knew that the mind was the most powerful medical tool in her arsenal, and she was quite aware that Daniel Jackson was both brilliant and stubborn. This wouldn’t be easy, but she had to believe his teammates knew him better than she ever would. As she watched her audience drift away, lost in their own thoughts, she began to compose a lovely fabrication about a little-known virus that creates a wall of debris on the back of the eyeball, treatable with eye drops, antibiotics, rest and good nutrition. 

It sounded good. She just hoped her patient would take the bait. 

* * *

 

“I know where everything is,” Daniel grumbled as Jack led him by the elbow slowly down the hallway to the front door of Daniel’s apartment. “I don’t need you hovering over me.” 

“I’m not hovering,” Jack shot back, “and I have experience with this sort of thing. My grandmother lost her sight to cataracts when I was sixteen and I stayed with her that summer, helping her learn to get around on her own.” 

Daniel frowned. 

“I know what I’m doin’, I _swear_!” Jack assured him. “Trust me.” 

“I _do_ trust you, damn it!” Daniel griped. “I’m just… this isn’t easy.” 

“I know, Daniel.” He unlocked the door, turned off the alarm and watched Daniel wander slowly down the narrow entry, feeling his way with fingers and toes. 

“Where do you want me?” Daniel asked, his voice flat, dispirited.  

“That depends. You hungry?” 

“Starving. I didn’t get breakfast this morning and my stomach says its dinnertime.” 

“And your stomach’s a decent timekeeper. I’ll cook. You haul up in front of the TV and watch some…“ Jack realized his gaffe and winced. He hurried to catch up to the other man and pulled him into a fierce hug. “Sorry, Daniel. Just get comfy and I’ll bring you somethin’ to eat in a jiffy.” 

Daniel had flinched when Jack touched him, and he reminded himself to make sure Daniel knew when he was about to make contact in the future. He sighed into Daniel’s hair and kissed his cheek. “This doesn’t change anything between us, you know. I love you, Daniel. We’ll get through this.” 

The embrace was evidently too much for the younger man to bear at the moment. He eased slowly out of Jack’s arms, frowning and irritated. “I know, Jack. Just bear with me.” 

Jack watched Daniel’s hands go out as he cleared the entry and turned left. Moving by memory, he made his way toward the piano, fingers slowly sweeping through the air, barely touching the bench sitting just under the keyboard. Jack’s belly tightened as he saw his friend carefully pull out the bench and sit down. Daniel raised the cover and smoothed his fingertips down it to the keys. He pressed one or two, fingers stumbling over the raised black keys before settling into place. 

“Can you really play that thing?” Jack asked from the kitchen. 

“Oh no, not really,” Daniel snarked. “Most people who have pianos just keep them as conversation starters, coat racks and for parties. Didn’t you know that?” 

He started to play and Jack just stared. He was good. _Really_ good. The music was unfamiliar and haunting, sweetly melancholy. It had the complexity of something classical, with the smoothness and rhythm of jazz. 

Jack glanced out of the kitchen every so often to keep tabs on his lover. He saw Daniel’s hands moving over the keys, his shoulders swaying with the music, right foot pressing on the pedals. Piece after piece of lovely music filled the rooms, it made Jack’s insides ache, it was so beautiful. 

He remembered that the other Daniel also had a piano in his apartment but Jack had never heard him play. One _more_ omission, one more chance he’d blown to get to know his best friend. What a sorry excuse for a friend he’d been, but that was changing. Jack O’Neill was turning over a new leaf, trying very hard to be the man Daniel Jackson had always believed he was. 

O’Neill busied himself making the sandwiches, putting them on two plates and grabbing a beer for himself from the fridge. He brought a bottle of water for Daniel, snagged a bag of chips and headed for the living room with his bounty. He pondered a moment, set his stuff on the table and then moved towards Daniel. He didn’t want to just set a plate in the guy’s lap. That might startle him if he hadn’t heard Jack. 

“Dinner’s in the living room,” he declared and waited till Daniel rose, a little sad that the music had stopped. He stepped back, letting Daniel find the way himself and take a seat on the sofa. “One ham sandwich with Swiss cheese and horseradish mustard. Just the way I like it.” 

Daniel pouted. “I’m not crazy about Swiss,” he whined, “but thank you, Jack.” His fingers described the edges of the bread before picking it up and lifting it to his mouth. 

“Your water’s at two o’clock,” Jack announced. Carefully, he aimed his backside at the couch beside his host. “Sitting down, now.” 

Daniel glanced up at his face and straightened, moving his legs off the sofa and putting his feet on the floor while in mid-bite. “Sorry,” he mumbled around the mouthful. 

“No prob.” Jack nibbled at his sandwich and got about half of it eaten, his mind jumping through hoops to try and figure out how to approach his inquisition. “So, tell me about your trip.” 

That was a simple start and of course, chatty archaeologist that he was, Daniel took the bait. He described the Goa’uld temple that the Messenetians had just unearthed, which was the reason for their request for him in the first place. Pouring out the mythological details of whatever goddess it was, Daniel fairly shook with excitement over the ramifications of the discovery and how the pieces fitted into Earth history. 

All of which was bullshit to Jack. 

“What about the elbow-rubbing?” he prompted. “Anybody take a dislike to you?” 

That stopped Daniel cold. ‘Clueless’ was written all over his face. _Everybody_ liked Daniel; at least, on the surface, and he hadn’t worn out his welcome with the Messenetians yet. “There weren’t any problems, Jack. Like I said, we disagreed on a few cultural things but that was all.” 

“Details?” 

Daniel’s eyes slid away. “Stupid stuff. I shouldn’t have been sticking my nose into other people’s business.” 

“You _always_ stick your nose into other people’s business, Daniel,” Jack retorted dryly. “That’s where your nose is happiest.” 

“It was just…” Daniel shrugged. He felt for the coffee table and gently set his empty plate down, fingers making sure it was secure before letting go. “Their state child care sucked.” 

Jack raised his eyes from his plate and turned to face the other man on the sofa. They were getting somewhere now. “Tell me about it.” 

“There was this boy, Tinyar. He was about twelve years old, quiet type, bookish. I found him in the library in my quarters. Seems my rooms were next to what they used for an orphanage.” 

Jack could sense this was important, no matter how off-handed Daniel was playing it. 

“The boy didn’t have to go to school if he didn’t want. Wasn’t well supervised and as far as I could see, nobody really cared about him. In fact, I watched people turn away when they saw him coming. That just _pissed me off.”_

Jack knew it would. That had been _Daniel_ , once upon a time, a ward of the state after his parents died and his grandfather rejecting him. Jack had found out about the whole ordeal when they’d taken Nick Ballard to that alien planet with the leptons and Nintendos. Having all that brought up fresh again would be difficult enough for Daniel and coupled with another parentless child… 

“So you talked to people,” Jack guessed. 

“And couldn’t get them to care,” Daniel growled. He stood up, practically vibrating with tension, took one step and bumped his shins against the table. He backed up and sat back down, leaning forward, hugging himself. He sighed and when he spoke again, his voice was softer. _Sad_. “I thought about bringing him back here with me. Tried to figure if there was any way I could raise him myself. I…“ 

Jack heard the tears in his voice before he saw them in Daniel’s eyes. He reached out and laid his hand on the other man’s shoulder, wanting to comfort him but Daniel jerked away, startled by the contact. 

“You’re strung pretty tight, there, Danny,” he observed softly. “Somethin’ bothering you?” 

“I just…“ Daniel gulped and brushed his palms over his face, then returned to hugging himself. “I wasn’t expecting you to touch me, that’s all.” 

“Well, I’m gonna do it again, so keep yer skin on.” Jack moved closer, sitting right beside his partner. He laid his hand on Daniel’s back and started rubbing, slowly. “Keep talkin’, Daniel. I’m listening.” 

However attractive Jack’s offer might have been in different circumstances, Daniel didn’t want to be touched just then. He scooted away on the cushions, then got up and took a few cautious steps around the table, feeling his way with hands and feet. 

“That’s pretty much it, Jack. I knew there was no way I could do that, no matter how much I wanted to. I mean, that’s why Sam didn’t adopt Cassie. She spends more time at work than at home. It would be the same thing with me. Children need constant reinforcement of love and security. Parenting isn’t part time.” 

Jack noted that Daniel didn’t mention Charlie, because Sara had been there full time. He let the unspoken reminder of his son slide quietly away into the tender place in his heart where he kept those memories. “You’re right. There wasn’t anything you could have done for him. Was he okay when you left?” 

Daniel stopped moving, his hands on the fireplace mantel. Fingers gripped the ledge and held on tightly. “I don’t know. I don’t remember saying goodbye. I _must_ have, though…” 

His voice trailed off as his head bowed. Then he turned slowly around, facing where Jack sat on the sofa. “I’m exhausted, Jack. I’d just like to have a hot bath and go to bed. Okay?” 

“Sure. Let’s go to the bathroom.” 

“I can do that by myself,” Daniel shot back irritably. “I’m _blind_ , not crippled, and I know where everything is.” 

“I don’t wanna have to scrub toothpaste out of your hair or clean the toilet seat when you miss. I’m _helping_. So there.” 

A sudden smile quirked at one corner of Daniel’s mouth and was gone. “Okay. I’ll demonstrate that I’m capable of handling this temporary setback and then you’ll leave me alone. Right?” 

Jack got up. He looked into those big blue eyes that couldn’t see him and felt his heart burn a little. “Daniel, you’re going to need help until you get over this,” he said quietly. “I know you’re a smart guy and I know you’re used to doing things yourself but _this_ time… Let me help you. Please. For _me._ It’ll help _me_ get through this, if I think I’m needed.” 

Tears welled up and were blinked away. That mouth trembled just slightly. He bowed his head and then nodded. “Okay. If it’ll make you feel better, Jack.” He turned and navigated toward the bedroom, slid his fingers on the wall, then turned without a hitch in the right direction. 

Jack followed him into the bathroom, watched him disrobe and neatly fold his clothes into Jack’s waiting hands. Daniel set the temperature for his bath water and got into the tub for a soak. When he was settled, Jack took his hand and guided it to the soap, shampoo and conditioner, telling him which was which and then left the room. He checked to make sure there was a fresh towel ready for use, put Daniel’s dirty clothes into the hamper and closed the door behind him. 

Fetching the suitcase from the entryway where he’d left it, Jack started putting Daniel’s things back where he thought they belonged. Then he went to use the phone on the kitchen bar and reported in. “This is gonna take longer than I thought, Doc,” he said wearily. “How ‘bout if I get him drunk?” 

“Not a good idea,” Janet told him. “His mental stability is precarious right now. We don’t want him going off the deep end, so no mind altering substances of any kind, please. Are _you_ okay, Colonel?” 

“It’s hard seeing him like this,” Jack answered honestly, “and I think it’s gonna get worse. Isn’t it?” 

Janet sighed into his ear. “I’m afraid so. The important thing is getting him well. If you can’t handle it…“ 

“I didn’t say that, Doc. We’ll be fine.” 

There was a pause and Jack was sure he heard Dr. Fraiser smiling. “You’re beginning to sound like Daniel, Colonel. Every time I ask him something, his automatic answer is ‘I’m fine’ when he so obviously isn’t.” 

“I think I’m insulted,” he shot back, a slow smile creasing his face. “Night, Doc. Go home to your kid. Get some rest. With SG-1 around, you’re gonna need it… and remind me to have a chat with you about alternate universe diseases.” 

“I’ve read your report, Colonel, and I must say, I’m fascinated with the idea. I can hardly wait! Good night, sir.” 

Jack cleaned up the dishes and watched a little TV and when he started to feel his own eyelids drooping he got up to check on his lover. The bed was empty, so he knocked softly and opened the bathroom door. Daniel had the towel wrapped around his waist, his hair still dripping slightly. His toothbrush was gripped in his left hand, a tube of Jack’s new stimulating mint body lotion in his right, its spout just touching the finger he had placed at the lower end of the bristles to guide placement of what he obviously thought was toothpaste. 

“That’s gonna taste terrible,” Jack observed. 

Daniel turned his head briefly, eyes vacant. “It’s toothpaste. I sniffed.” 

“St. Ives Mellow Mint Body Crème,” Jack assured him, “and I exfoliate, too, in case you’re about to criticize my skin care regimen. I look good for such an old fart, because I take care of myself.” 

Aiming his eyes down at the tube, Daniel gave a sniff. “Not toothpaste?” 

Jack took a step into the little bathroom, picked up the toothpaste and took the other tube out of Daniel’s hand. “See? You _need_ me.” 

For a moment, Daniel stood with both hands frozen in the air, looking down with his sightless eyes at what he’d been about to do. Then they fell, objects in his grip clattering on the bathroom counter. His hands pressed against the faux marble briefly and then came back up to his face. 

“I can’t _do_ this, Jack!” he groaned. “I _can’t_ be blind. I have to _see_ to read my books, to decipher the inscriptions. My job can’t be done in Braille.” There was panic in his face as he turned toward his friend. “I can’t just sit around and teach stuff I know is wrong. I can’t even work on a dig, for cryin’ out loud! Jesus, Jack. I _can’t_ _be blind_. Help me! Oh, God, _help_ me.” 

Jack stepped forward, pulling the man into a firm embrace, holding him. “I _will_ , Daniel. This is only temporary, just like you said.” His voice was soft, filled with warmth. “We’ll _beat_ it. Trust me?” 

He felt Daniel nod against his neck. 

“I’m scared, Jack. What if Dr. Fraiser’s wrong? What if it’s some alien organism I picked up on Messenet? One we can’t cure?” 

“Jolinar can work that healing thingy on you. We’ll fix it, Daniel. I’ll help you.” He stood there, holding the man for what seemed like an inordinate amount of time. Daniel hadn’t had much hugging in his life and Jack could give him that. 

The younger man pulled away, his hands sliding from Jack’s back to his shoulders, up his neck to his face. 

Jack stood very still, closing his eyes, letting those work-roughened fingers smooth over his forehead, his eyelids, nose, mouth and chin. He wanted to ask why Daniel wanted to touch his face like that, when he knew perfectly well what his lover looked like but he didn’t. That would be for later, when Daniel got his sight back. 

“Thanks, Jack,” he said softly, and moved away. He edged past his lover and found his way to the bed, turned it down and dropped the towel on the floor before climbing under the covers. 

“Don’t you want your PJs?” Jack asked, pulling them out of the drawer where he’d put them earlier. 

“Yeah. Thanks.” Daniel held his hands out to receive them. 

“I’ll come to bed in a minute,” Jack announced, placing the garments on Daniel’s lap. “I unpacked for you but I’ve got a couple things left to do yet.” He glanced back into the bathroom and set everything out properly. “Toothbrush is to the right of the sink, toothpaste next to it. Floss next to that.” 

Daniel didn’t move like a blind man. His head aimed down at his hands as he felt along the clothes, figuring out which were pants and which was shirt, putting them on correctly. It seemed like he was looking at things, probably out of habit but if the condition persisted, Jack was certain that would change. Once his brain knew turning his head was a waste of energy, he’d stop doing it. 

That would just kill Jack. If that happened, if Daniel got comfortable with the darkness, he’d never come out of it, and Daniel Jackson couldn’t live in the dark forever. He was a creature of the light; in darkness he would wither up and die. 

Jack finished straightening up the apartment, making sure everything was where Daniel usually kept it. He checked the alarm system, turned off the lights, flipped on the one that shone on the balcony outside as a safety precaution and padded into the bedroom. He glanced at Daniel, lying on his pillow with eyes wide open, his face utterly blank. 

Slipping into sweats and a T-shirt for the night, Jack went to fetch the eye drops, vitamins and a glass of water. “I almost forgot your meds,” he said, sitting on the side of the bed. “Touching your face now.” He grasped the smooth skin with thumb and forefinger, just above and below Daniel’s left eye, holding it open as he put the drops in one eye, then the other. He put a tissue from the nightstand into Daniel’s hand so he could catch the runoff with it and when that was done, Daniel sat up and held out a hand for the pill and the water glass. 

That done, he slid back under the blankets with a sigh. 

“Getting in bed, now.” Jack slid under the covers beside him and scooted close. 

Daniel edged away. 

“Why don’t you want me touching you?” he asked gently. 

“I don’t know. I just… feel weird.” 

“I love you, Daniel. So much I hardly slept without you while you were gone.” That was true. Jack had been miserable, pacing most of those nights away until exhaustion overtook him, managing only a few hours’ sleep at most. He’d been worried sick that something would happen to Daniel, and as always, that sixth sense was on the money. “I missed you like crazy and need to be with you. Will you let me hold you, just for a little while?” 

It sounded like begging, but Jack didn’t care. 

Daniel turned toward the sound of his partner’s voice and sighed. “Okay, Jack.” Daniel moved closer and lay woodenly on his pillow as Jack’s arm draped around him. 

“This isn’t working for me,” Jack carped after a minute. He sat up, yanked the pillow out from under Daniel’s head and added it to the one behind himself, propping up into a sitting position and ignoring the irritated outburst from his bedmate. “Okay, now move over here,” he ordered. 

“On top of you?” Daniel spluttered. “No way! I’m not in the mood, Jack.” 

O’Neill spread his legs and thumped the mattress between them. “Right here. Sort of recline against me. That’ll feel better, I promise. C’mon, I’ll help you.” 

With an exasperated sigh, Daniel reached across and felt where Jack wanted him to go. He sat between Jack’s outstretched legs and carefully leaned back against the older man’s chest. Jack wrapped his arms loosely around Daniel’s torso and after shifting his package to a more comfortable position beneath Daniel’s back; Jack raised his legs on either side of the other man’s hips. 

Jack smiled. “This is nice. I like this.” 

After a moment, Daniel murmured, “Yeah. It is nice. Good idea.” 

Jack leaned down and kissed the top of that head. “Good night, Danny,” he whispered, closing his eyes. 

Daniel said something in a foreign language that sounded incredibly evocative. Jack wanted to ask what it meant but by the time he got the words out, Daniel was sound asleep in his arms and that, Jack decided, was the very best place for him to be. 

* * *

 

“Guilt and regret…” 

Jack awakened at the sound of those words, so clear in the darkened room, instantly alert to the stress in Daniel’s voice. 

“…in darkness dwell… No. _No!”_ Daniel tossed violently to one side. 

Instinctively, Jack’s body moved in response and Daniel jerked upright, panting heavily, clutching at his head. 

“No!” he shouted. “No, don’t! Tinyar!” 

“Daniel,” Jack called before he touched his shoulder. “It’s okay. You were having a nightmare.” 

“Where am I? Turn the lights on,” Daniel demanded, flinching away. 

“You’re at home,” Jack told him, pain searing through his heart. “In our bed, with me.” He turned on the bedside lamp and saw Daniel’s head jerk at the sound of the switch clicking on. 

“Oh, God,” he moaned as he remembered and slumped forward, head in his hands. “I’m blind. I forgot.” 

“It’s okay. We’re working on fixing that.” Jack leaned forward and put both hands on Daniel’s back rubbing gently. “Let me touch you, Daniel. I _need_ this.” 

He’d felt the man twitch away and knew Daniel needed this comfort, whether his body wanted it or not. The jerks were instinctive reactions, he knew. Kawalsky, Carter and Teal’c had all made the observation that their Daniel didn’t like to be touched. 

He was uncomfortable with it because he’d never been comforted before. His history had been filled with touch resulting in pain and Jack was going to have to work to change that programming. It might not be possible to correct all of it. He might be stuck with Daniel flinching at first contact forever but he hoped not. Daniel loved him, was in love with him and he would instinctively want to give Jack whatever he wanted. As long as Daniel believed the touching was something he was doing for Jack, he’d allow it but Jack knew this was for _both_ of them. He wanted to touch Daniel for purely selfish reasons, because he liked it, because it felt so damn wonderful, because he loved Daniel and Daniel _needed_ to be touched so he could learn to associate it with comfort and love, rather than pain. 

“Hey, why don’t you cuddle up beside me here?” he offered and Daniel moved obediently to his side, curling up with his head on Jack’s chest, hands folded up under his chin. Jack pulled the covers over them both and slipped his arm around Daniel’s waist, stroking his hair with the other hand. 

“What were you dreaming about?” Jack murmured. 

“I don’t remember.” The answer was terse. Tense. _And a lie_. 

“I love you, Daniel.” That was a low and sneaky move but necessary. The unspoken message was that Jack knew Daniel was lying; that he trusted him to open up when he was ready. 

“I love you, too,” Daniel growled, an edge of anger in his voice. He obviously didn’t like to be prodded and understood the consequences of his deceit. He sighed. 

Jack reached over and switched off the lamp. 

“Turn it back on!” Daniel sat up, instantly unnerved. 

Hope flared in Jack’s chest. “Did you see something?” He reached for the lamp and clicked the switch. 

“No, I just… Thank you. I…” He lay down on Jack’s chest again and then adjusted until his face was on the pillow next to Jack’s head. His hand reached up to Jack’s face and rested, palm against cheek. “I just wanted it on, in case…” 

“Okay. We’ll sleep with the lights on.” Jack embraced him; sleep settling in and making his eyelids impossible to keep open. Hope died a quick death with Daniel’s explanation, making Jack weary all over again. 

_Guilt and regret,_ he remembered. _In darkness dwell.  
_

He’d slip that in somewhere during the next attempt to refresh Daniel’s memory, as gently as he could. The sound of those words was filled with unbearable agony as they tumbled off Daniel’s lips in his sleep and Jack was certain they were the key to bringing back Daniel’s sight. 

* * *

 

Carter eyed the nervous Messenetians. “We’d like to talk with the council about Doctor Jackson,” she stated, stepping forward to offer the ritual hand gestures the aliens used in greeting. 

Some of the people waiting for them she recognized from a previous visit. A nervous looking man with long gray hair stepped forward and smiled. “I learning English for you,” he announced. “I translate. Vilyu, my name is.” 

Sam stepped back a little, cozying up to her teammates. “Uh-oh. I remember Daniel telling me how difficult their language is to learn. Not many of the Messenetians have learned to speak English since first contact and I’m not sure we can trust their translator to be as accurate as we need. Maybe we should ask General Hammond to send Dr. Rothman. He and Daniel were working together on the initial relations proposal. He might be better than their guy. What do you think, Major?” 

Kawalsky frowned. “I think they look like they got somethin’ to hide. So yeah, I’ll head back to the base and put in the request. You two wanna wait, or get started without me?” 

“It wouldn’t look very good for us all to just leave right after we got here, so Teal’c and I will stay. We’ll try to make some progress while you’re gone. Head for the council hall when you get back.” 

The Major nodded grimly and offered a curt bow to the alien contingent as he turned around and headed back to the ‘gate.  

Sam smiled and stepped closer to the alien. “Thank you, Vilyu. We’re very anxious to find out what happened to our friend.” 

Vilyu’s face looked suddenly drawn. “Ill he is?” He waved a hand in front of his eyes to indicate blindness. “Saw Dr. Jackson before he left, we did. Sad, it is.” 

A lump formed in Carter’s throat but she swallowed it down. “Yes. He can’t see. We need to know what happened to him last night, where he went, what he did, what he ate, who he talked to; things like that. We’re trying to help him because he can’t remember all of the events.” She touched her temple for emphasis. 

The alien frowned. His eyes grew sad. “Great sin, he has, Dr. Jackson? Sorrow for him, we.” 

“This is going to be more difficult than I thought,” Sam whispered to her companion. “I can barely understand them. I’m really not sure what they mean.” 

“Nor am I, _shemnet,”_ Teal’c returned softly, using a Jaffa term of endearment that he could not utter in front of others at the SGC. “Perhaps we should see where he went during his last day on this world.” 

“Vilyu, we’d like to go to all the places Daniel went yesterday. We’re looking for anything that might have made him sick.” She knelt down and opened the sample case she’d brought along with her. “I’d like to take samples of the foods he ate, things he drank. That sort of thing.” 

Colonel O’Neill had suggested that as a cover, a way to disarm the Messenetians into thinking there might be a physical cause for Daniel’s illness and hopefully nudge them into letting something slip. Sam agreed it was a good idea, though the ruse would do them little good if they couldn’t understand any confessions they might hear. They really needed Daniel, but Rothman would have to do. 

The interpreter nodded in agreement and led them away. The council members and others followed along, all looking quite worried as Vilyu explained what Sam had said. Several shot fearful glances at the SGC representatives and began to whisper among themselves. They hurried forward, putting some space between themselves and the Tau’ri team. 

That gave Sam a chance for a private conversation with Teal’c. 

“Now, see, that’s _exactly_ what I mean.” She gestured at the distant group of aliens. “We need to know what they’re saying.” 

“We will uncover the truth, _shemnet._ We will help Danieljackson recover his sight.” 

A small smile slid over her lips and a warm glow heated her up inside. “You really shouldn’t be calling me that in the field, _shemnet,”_ she chastised gently. “One of these days, you’re going to let it slip and everybody will know about us.” 

“Danieljackson has known for some time,” Teal’c assured her. “Kawalsky cannot see what is so plainly before him. But O’Neill knows, also.” 

Sam gasped. “How could he possibly…I mean, Daniel’s been around us long enough and he’s… he’s so insightful, so I can see… Kawalsky’s dense as lead but the Colonel? He hasn’t even known us for four days yet! How can he…?“ 

“I told him.” 

The Captain whirled around and swatted his arm. “How _could_ you? We’ll be…“ 

“He will say nothing,” Teal’c assured her quietly. A shadow smile ghosted the corners of his mouth. Amusement glinted in his beautiful dark eyes. 

“How do you know that?” she demanded, hot with guilt and embarrassment. She never intended to get in so deep with this or any other man on her team, but it had evolved between them so slowly, so naturally that she’d barely felt it until it was way too late. She hadn’t regretted it for a moment. 

One elegant eyebrow arched. “Because O’Neill and Danieljackson are… _doing it.”_

That stopped her in her tracks. She nearly dropped the sample case. “They are not!” She simply couldn’t believe it! They didn’t come any straighter than Jack O’Neill. Daniel she could buy, but not the Colonel! _No way._

“They _are_ , _shemnet._ O’Neill came to this universe in search of a Danieljackson who would be his _shemnet._ He has found him.” 

The very idea made her brain tingle. She felt light-headed and fell into step with her lover as they walked toward the council hall. “Oh, my God, Teal’c! This is just… Oh, my God.” She put a hand to her head, trying to pull her brain back into usable format. “That is so… _hot._ The two of them together…” 

Then she smiled. It made perfect sense. That speech O’Neill made in the briefing room had been as much a declaration of love as of loyalty to the SGC and the war against the Goa’uld. The Jack O’Neill she knew, the one they had lost, would _never_ have traded universes if he thought his side would lose. He’d have stayed and fought on the end, and so, she suspected, would this one. The _only_ thing that would make him leave everything he knew behind was love, because Jack O’Neill was a man who rarely let people know how he felt, even though he felt deeply. His team knew that, knew he would die for them. They all knew they were loved, every one of them, and Sam had seen the way both O’Neill and Jackson bickered like an old married couple, capable of finishing each other’s sentences, always somehow knowing what the other was thinking. 

She slipped her hand around the Jaffa’s arm briefly and gave him a little squeeze. “Have I told you lately how I love the way your mind works?” 

Teal’c kept his gaze straight ahead, his voice a soft rumble of pure sexuality. “Tell me again, CaptainCarter.” 

Sam nudged him lightly, grinning now from ear to ear. “Oooh, you are such a tease!” 

He rumbled low in his throat, a sound of pure pleasure that reminded her of other things. _Hot_ things. Things that were so good they were probably illegal on several worlds. 

She sighed and shook her head. “Minds on the job, _shemnet,”_ she ordered warmly. “This is for Daniel.” 

“Indeed,” he agreed in a soft purr. 

* * *

 

“What are you doing?” asked Daniel from the piano bench. “I can’t hear you.” 

“Lookin’ up some stuff on the Internet,” O’Neill answered from the computer station nearby. It had taken him some time to figure out how to find what he wanted, but once he made his way to a search engine, he discovered a great many texts on psychology. After a few more searches, he thought he had some ammunition to use against the demon of hysterical blindness. Dusting off the cobwebs in his brain was no easy matter; he wasn’t accustomed to this much deep thought but Daniel needed help and Jack wasn’t going to let MacKenzie near him, even though this Daniel had never been institutionalized; he’d never had Ma’chello’s little de-Goa’ulding bug inside him to make him crazy. 

“What kind of stuff?” Daniel stopped playing and slid to the end of the bench, rising carefully to his feet. Hands sweeping the air, he moved toward the desk where the laptop hummed, his eyes staring blankly straight ahead. 

Jack grinned. “Dirty pictures.” 

A smile touched the corners of Daniel’s mouth. “I should’ve known. Find anything really hot?” His steps grew smaller as he neared the desk, fingertips brushing the edge. 

“The really hot stuff is right here.” Jack reached out and snagged Daniel around the waist, snuggling up against his belly. He closed his eyes and just inhaled, breathing in the scent that was uniquely Daniel’s. “I love how you smell. Like old books and coffee.” 

“Huh?” Daniel’s hands smoothed over Jack’s hair and shoulders. “How can I smell like coffee when I don’t drink the stuff?” He bent and placed a kiss on top of Jack’s head. 

“It’s a cosmic mystery that probably means you should drink it. When was the last time you tried any?” Jack filled his hands with his lover’s buttocks and squeezed. The muscles were firm and tight and Jack’s imagination headed southbound. Thoughts of lazy afternoon sex sent his motor into overdrive, but he didn’t say anything about what he wanted. He’d wait on that. 

“Years ago. Back before I came to the SGC.” 

“The only coffee I found in your cupboard was nasty instant shit,” Jack told him. “I bought some of the good stuff while you were away. Why don’t you try some next time I make a cup?” 

Daniel sighed and shrugged in resignation. “Okay. If it’ll make you happy.” 

Jack nipped Daniel’s stomach through his shirt. “Tell ya what else’ll make me happy…” He reached for the snap on Daniel’s jeans and popped it open. He’d been patient long enough. 

“Yeah? What’s that? _Tell_ me what you want, Jack.” Daniel backed away, smiling broadly. 

O’Neill stood up and followed him, pulling his lover back into his arms. “I want to take you to bed and make love to you until neither one of us can stand up. I want to make you so hot you scorch the sheets. Then after you’ve cooled off, I want to do it again.” 

Daniel’s breathing was already getting faster. His smile was gone and his eyes were gleaming with desire. He also looked a little afraid. “I can’t see you,” he reminded his lover. “It might feel… weird.” 

“I can fix that,” Jack offered. “You’ve got a lot of light coming into your bedroom. I’ll put foil over the windows to block out the light and we’ll both be in the dark. How ‘bout that?” 

The younger man still looked uncertain. 

“It’ll be even more erotic in the dark, I promise,” murmured Jack, his voice a deep, husky purr. His lips grazed Daniel’s cheek, eyes closing as he stroked over his lover’s mouth with his own. He kissed Daniel, a brief, sweet softness that tantalized and was gone. 

“Ohhhkay,” Daniel whispered with obvious longing. “What do you want me to do while I wait?” 

Jack squeezed those tempting buttocks again. “Make beautiful music for me. I’ll come get you when it’s ready.” 

Daniel nodded and Jack moved away. He headed for the kitchen with a backward glance to see his boyfriend walking carefully toward the piano again. Jack swiped the roll of heavy-duty aluminum foil from a kitchen drawer, fetched the duct tape from under the sink and headed for the bedroom. By the time he finished, the room was completely without light except for the overheads. By their illumination he turned down the bed, made sure the path was clear and stripped down to his boxers, folding his clothes away onto a corner chair. 

He stood in the doorway for a moment just listening to that lovely music. They’d been discussing some of it earlier while he read and Jack had been surprised that Daniel had composed some of it himself. The genius’s talents never seemed to end and while that annoyed Jack sometimes, it amazed him as well. He turned off the lights and crossed the room. Stopping at the bookcases, he called for his lover to follow him. 

Without a word, Daniel rose. As the last notes faded into memory, Jack watched the man make his way with increasing certainty across the apartment. Fingers swept out as he neared the doorway, guiding him through with ease. 

Jack followed him inside and shut the door. 

The darkness was instantaneous. He waited for a moment as his eyes began to adjust. A faint sliver of white shone under the door, sunshine leaking in from the windows in the living area. Jack stepped hesitantly toward the bathroom, using his hands to feel the way. He fetched a towel, rolled it up and stuffed it against the bottom of the door. 

“There. Now I can’t see a thing.” He heard rustling. “Are you undressing?” 

“Right next to the bed.” 

Jack’s hard-on returned with a vengeance. By the time he made his cautious way to the bed he could feel his dick throbbing in anticipation. He slipped under the covers just as Daniel did the same. 

For a moment they just lay in silence.  

“You’re right. This is a little unnerving,” Jack observed. “We’re so used to seeing _something_ , little shades of shadows that keep it from being totally dark. It’s disorienting to be in complete blackness.” 

“Welcome to _my_ world,” Daniel returned bitterly. 

Jack turned his head on the pillow toward the sound of that disembodied voice. “Hey.” His tone was soft, gentle and compassionate. “We’ll get through this. Together.” 

A heavy sigh was his only answer. 

“C’mere,” he called, reaching toward his lover. His fingertips found warm flesh and he let them dance lightly over the surface, trying to figure out where he’d landed. The rounded swell of muscle rose and dipped, then rose again on the other side of the valley. That had to be Daniel’s lovely chest. Jack smoothed upward and found throat. He could feel the pulse beating there and smiled. The firm ridge of jaw turned toward him and Jack rose up on his elbow, seeking Daniel’s mouth with his. 

He contacted chin instead and breathed a soft laugh. “This is fun.” 

“You really can’t see _anything_?” asked Daniel uncertainly. 

“Nada. Zilch. Zip. But I can feel...” His hand swept down Daniel’s chest and over his belly, making him gasp. Jack smiled against his lover’s lips. “...everything. And I want it all.” 

Daniel groaned. Jack’s fingers wrapped around Daniel’s erection and squeezed. Another groan sounded, this one louder than the first. Letting go for the moment, Jack’s hand traced over Daniel’s belly as the older man kissed him. The sensation was incredible with no sight to accompany it. There was only the firmness of healthy muscle sheathed in soft, hairless skin, pliable and warm beneath his fingers. 

Moving closer, Jack snuggled his body alongside his lover’s, slipping one thigh over Daniel’s possessively. The heat was delicious and Daniel was starting to writhe against him. Those articulate archaeologist’s hands began to roam, exploring the landscape that was Jack’s body, climbing hills of bulging muscle, probing valleys between the taut ridges. All the while Jack tasted him, lips caressing soft lips, tongues darting and dancing with each other. 

The room seemed to be getting warmer, a light sheen of perspiration forming on their bodies. Jack struggled to hold back, to maintain control. He wanted this interlude to last, but Daniel had lost his uncertainty and was now fully engaged in doing his best to arouse his mate. It was working. The man had his hand lightly cupped around Jack’s shaft, his palm stroking up the full length and sliding back down again to toy with Jack’s balls. Gentle friction was incredibly erotic, and Jack couldn’t help a soft moan into his lover’s mouth. 

Daniel smiled and laughed softly against Jack’s lips between kisses. “Like that, do you?” 

“Mmmmmm,” Jack answered, his mouth choosing a new target. He laved Daniel’s jaw line, tongue trailing across that delicious throat. “One of these days, I’m gonna give you hickeys all over, just so everyone will know you’re mine.” 

“Uhnh,” said Daniel approvingly. “Mmmmm.” 

“I know.” Jack’s lips trailed over his lover’s chest and settled on a hardened nipple, his tongue exploring the taut nub of flesh, passion flaring suddenly inside him. He took it between his teeth and gave it a little shake. 

Daniel shouted in surprised arousal, his hands coming up around Jack’s head. He was breathless when he spoke. “Damn, Jack! God. That felt... great!” 

“You like your nipples played with?” Jack suckled. He nipped. He drew as much flesh into his mouth as he could get and sucked hard. 

“Oh, baby!” Daniel was coming unglued. He bucked and gasped and writhed on the bed, holding Jack’s head to his chest with both hands. He was panting now, his body vibrating with need. “God, don’t stop!” 

Jack moved his mouth to Daniel’s right breast and grasped his left nipple between two fingers. He squeezed and twirled the hard little nub while sucking and nibbling on the other, sending Daniel into paroxysms of delight. Jack felt Daniel’s body rise off the bed, back arched, his weight resting on the back if his head and his heels, giving enthusiastic voice to his pleasure, hitting octaves way up in the tenor zone. 

Obviously, Daniel loved that. Jack would have given him more, but he was afraid his younger lover might hyperventilate and pass out if he didn’t tone it down a little. The screaming was wonderful, though. Jack loved it when he could do that to this man with just his mouth and hands. 

He let go, lifting his head and looking into the darkness where he knew Daniel’s face would be. “Shhhh,” he whispered happily. “Looks like we found something you really like.” 

“Uhhhh.” Daniel gasped for breath. “Yeah. That was... wow! I almost came.” 

“There’s supposed to be some nerve connection between nipples and genitals,” Jack observed quietly, his hand drawing up to explore Daniel’s face. “Doesn’t do a thing for me, but I guess it works for you. I’ll remember that. Next time I’m behind you in the shower...” 

A soft laugh slipped out of the younger man. “You’ll get an instant orgasm out of me if you do that.” 

“Just learnin’ which buttons to push.” Jack’s fingertips explored the plane of Daniel’s right cheek, following the curve up to his eyebrow. Carefully, he laid his palm over half of his lover’s face from chin to forehead, feeling the hollows and rises, meshing that with the memory of how Daniel looked. “This is what you were doing with me in the bathroom the other day, isn’t it? Seeing what I look like with your hands.” 

Daniel didn’t speak, just nodded in answer, his breath warm and regular against Jack’s palm. 

“You’re beautiful. _So_ beautiful.” Jack tried to imagine never seeing Daniel’s eyes again. He knew that feeling, how lost and empty he’d been when the Daniel in his universe died. A sudden tide of emotion swept over him, drowning him in those old familiar feelings. He couldn’t lose this man for a _second_ time. 

With trembling fingers, Jack eased slowly up to the fringe of long hair across Daniel’s forehead. He felt the silk of it sliding through his fingers and threaded them into a gentle grip. “Don’t ever cut your hair,” he begged huskily. “I love it long like this. I...” The lump in his throat threatening to strangle him cut off his words. Jack swallowed it down. “I love you, Daniel. Do you know that? Do you really know and believe that?” 

He felt the nod he couldn’t see. 

“Yes. I know, Jack. Do you?” 

“I hope,” Jack sighed. He eased carefully on top of the other man, holding onto that long mane with both hands. “I want and I hope, but I don’t _know_.” He shook his head, brushing his forehead against his lover’s. Daniel’s arms came up around him. “I just can’t understand what somebody like you could ever see in me. I’m old, for cryin’ out loud! I’m rude and mean and dumb as a post. And you’re...” 

“Arrogant and selfish and cold,” Daniel whispered against his mouth, his arms coming up in a light embrace. 

“You’re not cold,” Jack argued back softly. “You’ve just been hurt a lot. You’re one of the warmest, nicest people I’ve ever known.” 

“I could say the same about you,” Daniel observed. “You make a great show of being tough as nails, but underneath you’re a teddy bear.” 

“Am not.” 

“Are, too.” 

“Not.” 

“Softie.” 

“Geek. My beautiful, sexy geek.” 

Both men fell silent, each touching the other’s face, exploring in the utter darkness with hands and hearts. Jack kissed Daniel’s fingers as they roamed over his lips. Distracted and uncertain, Jack asked, “What _do_ you see in me? I’m not fishing for compliments, Danny. I just wanna know. Why would you ever want to be my lover?” 

“I’m not sure I can put that into words.” 

“Sure you can. You’re a writer.” 

“Well, yeah, but I’m not good at _talking_ about my feelings,” Daniel returned uneasily. “Will you let me write it down for you? I can express it better that way, work on it till I can say it just right.” 

Jack considered. Disappointment shuttered through him, settling into resignation. “Sure. I can wait.” He remembered he hadn’t finished what he wanted to tell Daniel. “But then you’ll have to wait for yours, too.” 

“My what?” 

“What I love about you. In the meantime, though, I can feel a whole lot of you that hasn’t been kissed yet.” Jack smiled in the darkness, sensing the one on the face beneath him. 

Daniel undulated, his body stretching and contracting with the sensuality of a snake. Jack groaned, closing his eyes, concentrating only on the way their bodies slid against each other, separated by a film of sweat. Their erections lay side-by-side, rubbing against each other, prodding each other’s bellies, smooth and hard and hot. Thrusting gently, Jack heard Daniel moan. 

“Don’t stop,” the younger man breathed. “I want to come like this, with you on top of me, just like this.” 

O’Neill reached for his lover’s hands, lacing their fingers together and pressing Daniel’s hands into the pillows beside his head. Jack wanted to see that gorgeous face, those haunting eyes, to watch Daniel come. Instead, he concentrated on skin and sensation, on the scent of Daniel’s body, the taste of his sweat, the flavor of his mouth. He reveled in the warmth of Daniel’s breath against his lips and chin and the coolness that followed exhalation. 

Jack’s whole body was tingling now, his skin electrically charged. He lifted one foot and crossed his shin over Daniel’s, toes stroking over his lover’s instep, caressing it; the roughness of the hairs on Daniel’s leg scraped across Jack’s shin and knee, sending little shockwaves of intensity up his leg. 

“Oh, Jack,” Daniel whispered, his voice touched with awe. “I never dreamed _anything_ like this. Love you. Love you so much. I… can’t believe you’re mine.” 

“I am, Danny. Forever. Nothing can come between us now.” Passion heated Jack, setting a fire low in his balls. He could feel Daniel straining against him, hips rocking to stroke his cock against Jack’s belly. Daniel’s breathing was faster, shallower, and there was a strangled sound to it, an edge of tears. 

“Jack,” he sobbed softly. “Jack. Oh, you are… Ahhh!” He whimpered, followed by a deep anguished groan. His hips jerked, driving him hard against Jack. 

“Yes.” The first pulse of Daniel’s orgasm shot through Jack like a bolt of lightning. He closed his eyes, savoring the throbbing of Daniel’s cock against his own with reverent awe. Hot spurts of semen filled the tiny space between their bodies, sticky and viscous and wonderful. “God, how I love to feel you come,” he groaned. He could smell it and the scent of his lover’s orgasm drove Jack over the edge. 

His head rocked back. Not a sound issued from him other than the harsh rasp of his breath. His body drove deeper, harder against Daniel’s belly and ecstasy overwhelmed him. 

“My Jack,” Daniel whispered. “Come for me, yes, all of it, now, just for me.” He sucked in a ragged breath and let loose a sob that dissolved into full-fledged weeping. 

“I want to see you, God damn it! I want to look at you when you come.” He started to struggle, to push against Jack’s hands, legs entwining to hold and push away and recapture his lover. 

Jack let go of his hands, shoving his arms beneath the struggling man and holding on tightly. “Let it go, Danny,” he growled in his lover’s ear. “ _Fight_ the darkness. Push it back. Don’t let it own you.” 

The storm was rising, and O’Neill knew it would be brief and violent. Daniel needed something to struggle against and the most available thing was another body – Jack himself. “Come on, damn it. Fight it. Fight _me!”_

“No!” Daniel shouted, pushing hard now. 

Jack felt his grip loosen, felt that leashed power breaking his hold. He knew Daniel just wanted to get away, but Jack wasn’t going to let him. Holding on tighter, he forced his body back down, covering the other man, holding him against the bed. He could sense a wave of panic shoot through his lover, muscles bunching. The struggle intensified and suddenly Jack found himself rolling off, Daniel’s strength breaking through all his resistance. 

Instantly the other man was off the bed, panting in the darkness. 

“What the hell was that?” Daniel demanded hotly. 

“You need to face the fact that this may be something you have to deal with emotionally, Daniel,” Jack said huskily. “Doc Fraiser’s looking for answers in the test results. Carter and Teal’c are checkin’ on the planet, but you need to at least _look_ at the possibility that it may be something _else_. Something you don’t want to face.” 

Daniel’s tone of voice was acid, angry. “Oh, so this is all in my mind? I can’t fucking _see,_ Jack! Something’s wrong with my _eyes,_ not my mind.” 

“Then tell me about the boy.” 

“I wanted to adopt him.” 

“Okay.” Jack knew there was more. A lot more, and it was going to be painful pulling all of that out of the man he loved. 

“That’s it? No questions? No concerns about how we’ll manage caring for him with both of us gone so much?” Daniel was quieting but there was still an edge of pain to his voice. 

“We’ll figure somethin’ out.” 

“You’d really… Even after Charlie…?” There was wonder in the younger man’s voice. 

Jack felt Daniel’s weight settle gently on the mattress. Bowing his head, Jack actually did think about it; picturing a faceless boy with his son’s fair hair coming up to him with hope in his eyes, hope of being loved. 

That would be the easiest thing in the world, loving a child. “We’ll need a proper house. One with a bedroom for our son and a yard where he can play.” 

Fingertips brushed against Jack’s chest hair, seeking him. Daniel was sniffling, reaching for him, and Jack hugged him close, stroking that long fall of silken hair. “I love you, Jack,” he said, his breath trembling with emotion. “You’re so good to me. I don’t deserve you.” 

“Why not?” Jack held on even when he felt Daniel stiffen and start to pull away. “Don’t,” he cautioned, tightening his grip on those ribs. “Let me _hold_ you. _Talk_ to me, Daniel. Tell me about what happened to you when you were a boy.” 

“No.” 

“I can get government access to the records,” Jack assured him quietly. “If I wanted, I’d have already been on my way to look up the monster who hurt you, but that’s not what I’m after here. I just want to know, from the perspective of that little boy you used to be. Tell me, Daniel. I need to know.” 

Jack closed his eyes on the lie, concentrating on the feel of that strong, beautiful body in his arms. The research he had done on hysterical blindness refreshed a lot of the psychology studies he’d internalized since college, reminding him that this manifestation wasn’t just an isolated incident. Daniel’s tragic past was part of it, and if he were going to help his lover, they would have to explore that painful territory as well as whatever had happened with the Messenetians. He would depend on Daniel’s trust of him, new as their relationship was, to get them through this difficult time in their joint history. 

“Can I clean up first?” Daniel rested his head on Jack’s shoulder, his arms loosely embracing the older man. 

“Shower?” At Daniel’s nod, Jack let go and made his way carefully toward the bathroom, listening for footsteps patting softly on the carpet behind him. 

* * *

 

Robert Rothman stepped out of the wormhole, grumpy that he’d just come off a shift and would be denied the downtime he so desperately needed. He understood the need, having seen Daniel’s plight first-hand, and wasn’t resentful about helping. He was just tired and would have preferred to have some dull academic job to one that involved such a roller-coaster ride. 

“Where were we supposed to meet Captain Carter and Teal’c?” he asked, glancing around at the buildings. His team had been first to make contact with the Messenetians, so he knew the lay of the land and had a slightly better grip on the language than Daniel, which pleased him immensely. Still, it was difficult to translate properly and required full focus to accomplish; he didn’t look forward to that on a weary mind. 

“The council hall, uptown,” Kawalsky answered, nodding toward the big white building with the dome in the distance. “Hope they’ve already found somethin’.“ 

The two men maintained silence as they walked together, each studying the Messenetians who passed them, smiling and offering friendly gestures. When they arrived, Robert took them unerringly to the office where foreign travelers were supposed to check in and made their request for the location of the rest of the team. A guide appeared a moment later to take them to the banquet hall where the Absolution celebration had been held the previous night. 

“Carter, anything to report?” called Kawalsky as soon as he caught sight of SG-1’s blond tech whiz. The Jaffa standing nearby raised an eyebrow as his only sign of greeting. 

“No, sir,” she answered crisply. “We’ve collected a lot of samples for processing, though. Maybe we’ll get something in the test results.” She shot a meaningful glance at Robert. 

The scientist had already been apprised that something might be afoot with their Messenetian allies and that the investigation was two-pronged. Most of that would be on Rothman’s shoulders, making the official inquiries and listening to see what else he might pick up in the background. The first place he started was the auditorium. 

It was enormous. A stage was set at one end, with rows and rows of seats fanned out in a semi-circle around it. Balconies in the back rose high upward. The place must have seated thousands, with all attention focused on the stage up front. A small chair was mounted there with a reflective dome above it and a curved panel around the feet. 

The first thing Robert thought of when he saw it was that it looked like an upscale electric chair in miniature. He shook that thought off and strolled up to one of the laborers involved in cleaning up. The elderly woman was working a device that looked rather like a portable vacuum cleaner, sucking up dust and debris from the little chair’s upholstery. 

_“Your pardon I beg,”_ he began with a smile, speaking in her language. _“Can you tell me about what happened here night last?”_ The phrasing was a little clumsy, but he was sure he got his message across. 

The woman blinked up at him and turned off the machine. _“You do not know? All Messenetians know of the Day of Absolution.”_

_“From Earth I am,”_ he told her. _“We are curious about your celebration.”_

“Ah,” she returned, nodding. Her expression grew sad. _“The visitor from your world…”_

“Doctor Jackson.” 

_“Yes. We pray for him. All Messenetians.”_ She looked up at Robert, measuring. _“Next year he will come? He will find Absolution?”_

_“For what? Did he do something?”_ Robert was buoyed by her response. _“What happened to him?”_

The old woman bowed her head. She shook it slowly. _“It is very sad. Great sin on that one, your Doctor Jackson.”_

Robert frowned. He wasn’t at all sure he translated that correctly. _“Great sin? I do not understand. Can you explain?”_

Looking up at the silvery dome, the woman just stared. _“Your people know what is sin, yes?”_ She looked at him pointedly. 

_“We know the concept, yes.”  
_

_“Who forgives your sin, Tau’ri?”_

_“People of different cultures and religions in my world believe that can be done in many ways,”_ Robert returned evasively. _“What about yours? How can Daniel’s sin be forgiven? What sin did he commit?”_

She sighed and closed her eyes. _“He wished us darkness,”_ she said sorrowfully. _“To save the one and damn the many.”_ Shaking her head, she turned away and started the machine up again. 

_“I am sure he did not understand,”_ Robert argued above the noise of the vacuum. _“Tell me what he did. Tell me how we can make amends.”_

The woman ignored him, giving all her attention to her job. Even when the chair appeared clean she continued to dust it, going over the fabric again and again. Rothman got the message that she didn’t want to talk further and he headed back to join the rest of SG-1. 

“Find out anything?” Kawalsky asked. 

“Hints but no details,” Robert admitted. “I need to go to their library. If this Day of Absolution thing is this big,” he gestured around the auditorium, “they’re bound to have records on exactly what it is. Once we know more about that, I think we can start asking the right questions. As it is, Daniel’s offended them and we need to repair any damage he might have done. Maybe doing that will also help us figure out what happened to him. Maybe they did something to him after all.” 

“Okay. I’ll get these samples back to the lab,” suggested Carter. “I’ll need another collection kit to go over the room Daniel was in last night.” She looked at Kawalsky for permission to leave for the base. 

He nodded. 

“Back in a couple of hours, sir,” she promised. 

“Teal’c, watch her six,” Kawalsky commanded. “I’ll stay with Rothman.” 

“Library’s this way,” Robert announced and led the way out a side door.  

* * *

Jack pushed on the bathroom door, forgetting that it was still bright outside. The blacked-out glass door opened to a flood of sunlight, blinding him and making him gasp for a second. “Whoa, that’s… ouch.” Squinting until his eyes adjusted, he glanced at the other man just entering the room. Daniel’s pupils reacted but his eyes remained wide in the sudden brightness, making Jack wonder if there _really was_ some physical cause to his lover’s condition. 

 Jack made his way to the shower and turned on the tap, contemplating the problem, deciding to follow Dr. Fraiser’s lead in the matter. He adjusted the water temperature by feel and turned on the overhead jet just as Daniel stepped inside the glassed enclosure. 

For a moment he just watched Daniel angle face-first into the spray, thoroughly wetting himself, running his fingers through his hair to get it wet to the roots, combing it back from his face with his fingers. It was a beautiful sight and Jack hurried to get in after his lover. Daniel felt him approach and leaned back, resting his head on Jack’s shoulder, left hand braced against the wall for balance. Jack put his arms around Daniel’s chest; placing his palms over Daniel’s nipples, warm water running over and between them. 

Daniel sighed. “I _really_ don’t want to talk about my childhood, Jack.” 

“I know. But I really _need_ to hear about it.” O’Neill looked over Daniel’s shoulder, down his chest, counting the little round scars, watching Daniel breathe. He kissed the rise of trapezius at the base of Daniel’s neck, closing his eyes as the spray dampened his face. 

He barely knew this man, yet the love he felt was rooted in the knowledge that he _was_ Daniel Jackson, regardless of what universe owned him. The essence of the man in this reality was the same as the one O’Neill had left behind, and that was all that mattered. That was what Jack loved, the spirit beneath the surface of that beautiful package, and Daniel had returned those feelings instantly, without question. 

Jack rubbed slowly, sensuously, washing the sweat and semen off his lover’s body. Daniel turned in the water, his mouth seeking, finding, drinking in the taste of Jack’s kisses along with water from the shower running into their mouths. They slow-danced under the falling droplets, turning and turning again carefully, letting the water rinse them clean as they kissed. There was no hurry, no escalation into desire, just the gentle exchange of love freely given and taken. 

When they finished, Jack dried Daniel off and handed him his brush, watching every stroke through that glorious hair as Jack toweled himself dry. He handed Daniel the clothes he’d been wearing earlier and went to make coffee naked while his lover dressed. Once the pot was percolating, Jack put just his sweatpants back on and watched Daniel wander about the apartment, looking for a place to begin. 

“You know about my parents, right?” 

“New York Museum of Art,” Jack returned slowly, remembering. “I saw it happen. Over and over again, watching you suffer through it until we could make the Gamekeeper understand how devastating it was.” 

Daniel nodded. “I wasn’t sure if you had that in your universe. We seemed to have missed a lot of things you didn’t.” 

“And no doubt had other things happen that I didn’t encounter,” Jack added. He headed for the kitchen; standing over the coffee machine while it finished brewing, watching his lover pad carefully around the living room. 

Running a hand through his damp hair, Daniel took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I went into foster care because my grandfather was too busy to raise me.” 

“Nick regretted it.” 

Daniel’s head came up. He turned toward the kitchen, toward the sound of Jack’s voice. “He did? I never knew. He died two years after my parents.” 

“You two made peace a couple years ago in my universe,” Jack assured him. “He loved you, Daniel. He just thought he’d make a lousy grandfather.” 

Taking another deep breath, Daniel began to pace the open area in front of the fireplace. “We didn’t exactly have a permanent address, so since the accident happened in New York, the authorities took me right away and put me into the system there. I went to a facility for the first week, then landed in a private home.” 

Jack poured two cups of the coffee and carried them into the living room, setting them on the table between the two couches, making enough noise to alert Daniel to his new position. He sat down and looked up at the other man, whose head turned, listening for him. Once Daniel had located Jack, he continued. 

“Jeff Eiger was cool and controlling. At first, we just gave each other space, but he’d never seen a kid like me before. I had no concept of routine since I was used to living all over the place. My parents home-schooled me on dig sites all over the world. I didn’t understand what was expected of me.” He sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Mrs. Eiger was very patient at first, but I didn’t want to live in such a restricted fashion. I rebelled.” 

“And you were punished.” 

Daniel nodded. “At first it was just being sent to my room without dinner. I learned to ignore being hungry and I could always count on two meals a day at school.” He paused, starting to pace again. “Then it was being shut in the basement, in the dark. Then spankings and then…” 

He stopped talking. A muscle twitched in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. “Mrs. Eiger gave up on me. She threatened to send me back, but Mr. Eiger stepped in and took over.” Daniel shook his head. His arms came up around himself. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to obey, Jack. I really tried. I just couldn’t handle the same old boring routine every day. I needed change and variety. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, sometimes.” 

“I wondered about that,” Jack confessed. “You get so fidgety when we’re stuck on the base for any length of time and you’re left with nothing but translations to do. You get this look in your eye like you’re gonna explode.” 

“That’s what it feels like,” the archaeologist admitted tightly. “Eiger thought I did it on purpose. He tried very hard to teach me a lesson. The harder he tried, the more necessary it was for me to resist. I learned to watch him burn me with hardly a flinch.” 

Jack’s stomach roiled. He closed his eyes. His hands curled into fists. Rage pushed bile up his throat and made him want to vomit. “How long were you there?” 

“Four years.” 

“Jesus.” Jack’s fingers curled and uncurled. He gritted his teeth, his whole body vibrating with rage. He could see that in his mind’s eye, and it made him ill. However, he had a job to do and he needed to keep his own feelings out of this. Struggling to tamp them down, he schooled his voice to be calm. “How did that make you feel?” 

“I _hated_ him.” The answer was instantaneous. “It took me a while to understand that he got pleasure out of hurting me. Eventually he started doing it for the slightest little thing. He scared me, but I couldn’t let him see that. I had to be in control. _Always_.” 

“So you bottled everything up inside.” That made sense. Daniel had no outlet for his rage. All those feelings he kept inside, under tight reign. That was part of the problem here. Pieces were beginning to come together and it made an ugly picture. “I’m assuming somebody found out?” 

“Yeah. Eiger had just lost his temper when he couldn’t make me cry. He punched me in the nose, and minutes later the social worker dropped in unexpectedly. They put me in therapy once they saw all the burns. It took a while before they moved me to a new foster home.” 

“I’ll bet.” 

“They put Eiger in jail for what he did to me,” Daniel told him. “It was enough.” 

_Not for me,_ Jack said in the privacy of his own mind. _Killing the bastard would be too good for him._ “How’d the next place work out?” 

Daniel shrugged and started pacing again, slower now, more relaxed. “They tried to be good to me, but I couldn’t accept them. I was afraid to trust.” 

“No shit.” Jack clamped his jaws shut and gave his fists a shake in frustration. He shouldn’t have said that and knew it. Daniel needed to finish his recitation with as few interruptions as possible. Emotional outbursts like that would only sidetrack him. 

Daniel turned his head as if to regard his lover for a moment, then took up the wandering again. “Mrs. Brown home-schooled me, so I graduated early. In college, I took some psychology classes so I could analyze myself and come to terms with my past. I did okay after that.” 

He followed his nose to the coffee, carefully located a cup and took a sip. His brows pinched together. “This is good.” He took another sip. “This is _very_ good. I think I like it.” 

“The universe is now spinning as it should,” Jack announced approvingly. 

Daniel drained the cup and set it back down, returning to his narrative. “Like I said, I got myself together on my own.” 

Jack shook his head and said nothing glad Daniel couldn’t see his expression of opinion. Daniel might have learned some new methods of dealing with his trauma, but he hadn’t _accepted_ it. Not yet. The wounds were still just under the surface, ready to bleed at a moment’s notice. Jack was going to have to prick him to get the cleansing flow started. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

“So when you met Tinyar, you saw yourself in him. You wanted to save him.” 

Daniel stopped pacing. He clasped his hands behind his back and turned to face Jack. “You’re good at this, Jack. What’s your degree in?” 

“I have two and that’s none of your business,” Jack shot back irritably. “We’re not talking about me here.” 

“One degree in psychology, then,” Daniel assumed. He put his head down and started pacing again, walking the same small circle in the open space on the floor. 

Jack grinned and shook his head. “You’re too damn smart, you know that?” 

A slow smile spread over Daniel’s mouth and faded. “Yes, I wanted to save Tinyar. And yes, he reminded me of me. _Nobody_ cared about him, Jack. I found him in my quarters after midnight, looking through the library. The Messenetians let him do whatever he wanted. He didn’t even have to go to school.” 

“That doesn’t sound right.” 

“Other kids in the orphanage led pretty normal lives, but Tinyar was different. People wouldn’t even look at him. He was… some kind of outcast. I couldn’t figure it out.” 

“We’ll bring him here, then. We’ll love him and raise him right.” 

Daniel heard the soft affection in that promise and stood very still. His eyes filled and spilled over his cheeks. “We can’t do that,” Daniel told him, his voice shaky. 

“It won’t be easy, but I’m sure we can find a way through the red tape,” Jack assured him. “Those folks are our allies and if they’ve got a kid they don’t want…” 

“I… I… Jack…” Daniel’s hands came up, holding his head. He squeezed his eyes closed, breathing shallow and fast. “He’s _dead_ , Jack. Tinyar’s _dead_. I _know_ it. I don’t remember how it happened, but I know he’s dead.” 

O’Neill stood up, alarm shooting through his veins in a burst of heat. He crossed the room and took Daniel in his arms. “Think, Daniel. What did you see? What happened to the boy?” 

“I don’t know! _I don’t know._ Jack, don’t make me _go_ there. Please.” Daniel’s knees gave. He leaned against his lover, who carried him down to the floor. Daniel was panting now, curling up on himself. 

“ _Look_ at it, Daniel,” Jack commanded gently, firmly. “You’re strong enough to deal with this. You’re a good man, Daniel. _Look at Tinyar._ What do you see?” 

“Light, oh, God, Jack! I can’t. _I can’t!_ Please!” He was shaking now, his body quaking with fear and horror. 

“I’m _with_ you, baby,” Jack crooned, holding him close. “I’m right there beside you. Tell me what you see.” 

Daniel’s arms came up to embrace his head. He started to sob, his body wracked with the spasms. “No, no, no… I didn’t know! Oh, God _, Tinyar, I didn’t know!”_

“Didn’t know what, Daniel?” Jack prodded, his voice even and low. He rubbed Daniel’s back and shoulders as they lay on their sides on the carpet. 

“They were going to kill him,” Daniel wailed. “I didn’t know the Messenetians were going to kill that innocent little boy…” 

Jack felt his heart shatter with Daniel’s grief. He locked it away, keeping his voice quiet and serene, Daniel’s anchor to sanity as he pulled the horrifying scene out of him, bit by bit. 

* * *

 

Dr. Rothman sat with the book in his hands, piecing the tale together. The similarities to Christian absolution were startling, though the Messenetian religious life was centered on the Greco-Roman goddess Artemis, whose symbols were light and children. That their goddess was a Goa’uld had been proven by Daniel’s recent work at the temple the aliens had just unearthed, but none of this really explained what had happened to Dr. Jackson. 

When Carter and Teal’c returned to begin their work on Daniel’s quarters, Robert and the Major met them there to tell them what he’d discovered during their absence. 

“The concept of sin is fairly recent in their history; however the Day of Absolution goes way back,” he explained. “Apparently, their goddess gave the Messenetians one solar year to live in her worship, and if they failed, a price was exacted. If the price wasn’t paid, she would darken the skies and leave them to contemplate life without light.” 

“Do we have any idea when Artemis was last here?” Sam asked, opening up the testing kit and slipping on a pair of latex gloves. 

“Several thousand years,” answered the archaeologist, “but the promise to darken the skies seems to be a recurring phenomenon, always on the same day each year. That was yesterday, by the Messenetian calendar. I checked the weather and news broadcasts and can confirm that the skies were overcast by mid-day and dark as night in a few hours.” 

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps there is a weather control device here on Messenet similar to that on Medrona.” 

“Makes sense,” Carter observed with a nod. “It would be a pretty powerful indicator that there are gods to be appeased.” 

“And they did that how?” asked Kawalsky. 

Robert swallowed hard. “According to ancient legend, with the sacrifice of a child.” 

The four adults looked at each other uneasily. 

“ _Surely_ they don’t still do that?” Sam asked hesitantly. 

“I can’t find any evidence to show they’ve changed the procedure.” Robert eyed her. “If that’s what Daniel saw…” 

“Holy Hannah.” Sam bowed her head. “I don’t think we’re gonna find anything useful in Daniel’s room.” She stripped off the gloves and tossed them into the case. 

“I’m thinking we need to see that Goa’uld temple,” Robert suggested. “Maybe there was something Daniel overlooked. Something one of those snakes didn’t want found.” 

“DanielJackson does not overlook things,” Teal’c defended staunchly. “Given sufficient time, he would have discovered all the temple’s secrets.” 

Rothman nodded. “Yeah. I guess he just didn’t find this one out in time.” 

“Let’s go, kids,” Kawalsky nodded toward the door. “We got a false god to bring down.” 

The four turned in unison, intent on their mission. 

* * *

 

“Tinyar invited me to watch,” Daniel whimpered. “He thought he was... _saving_ me.” 

Jack felt a lump forming in his throat. He pulled Daniel closer, tucking the man’s head beneath his chin. “From what?” 

“The Messenetians believe that all their sins for the year can be wiped away by the sacrifice of innocence,” explained the younger man, his voice cracking with grief. “Jesus on the cross.” 

Arms tightening, Jack couldn’t stop the picture forming in his mind’s eye, not of a grown man dying in such a horrible fashion, but that of a _child_. A vision of Charlie bleeding in his arms came unbidden on its heels. Tears leaked out of his eyes, wetting his lashes, but he kept still and quiet. Daniel needed his strength, not his grief. 

“Tinyar _knew_ what would happen. He _knew_.” Daniel grasped a fistful of the T-shirt he was wearing and wiped his face with it. “I didn’t understand. I was in the audience, watching. I… I put on one of the gloves and held it up…” 

“Gloves?” Jack didn’t want to interrupt, but he wouldn’t understand fully without more explanation. 

Daniel sniffed and nodded beneath Jack’s chin. “I… I think they must be akin to the Goa’uld ribbon devices but less powerful. Some kind of thought transference, maybe, and they were used to transfer every Messenetian’s sins to the boy, the sacrifice.” 

Jack grunted softly, like someone had punched him in the gut. 

“God, Jack, I _saw_ it. I saw the look on his face,” sobbed Daniel, curling tighter against his lover. “Millions of people invading his mind, all at once. All the horrible things they’d done to others… Godohgodohgod…” 

_No wonder you’re blind,_ Jack said in his mind. _That was you up there, wasn’t it? You saw yourself in that child. You saw yourself hurting him. You were the man with the cigarette, putting it out on tender skin. But you didn’t know, Daniel. You didn’t know until it was too late._

“Guilt and regret,” Jack remembered, whispering. “In darkness dwell.” 

Daniel wailed in agony. The chant spilled out of his mouth as he sobbed: “ _‘Burdened with guilt and regret, blinded by sin against my fellow man, there I in darkness dwell, until the day of absolution falls and I am freed by the Malbin. I stretch forth my hand unto the light of innocence and pass freely into it. I am cleansed and made whole, to begin anew in the bright nimbus of forgiveness, for this sacrifice I undertake fully aware of the great price of my freedom.’_ ” 

“You didn’t _know_ ,” said Jack, holding tighter. Daniel’s arms swept around him, gripping him fiercely. For a moment Jack was afraid the other man couldn’t breathe, his face was pressed against Jack’s chest so hard. “God, Daniel, _you didn’t know!_ It’s not your fault he died.” 

Realization dawned. “You tried to stop it, didn’t you?” He pushed Daniel back, caught his lover’s face in his hands and looked down into those sapphire eyes swimming in tears. When Jack found him, Daniel had been holding a piece of cloth in his hand like a life preserver. “You tried.” 

Daniel nodded weakly. “He was already dead by the time I got to him. Oh, Jack.” 

“That scarf you had when I found you,” growled Jack as he recalled that morning on Messenet. 

“I got hold of it to pull him out of that chair,” Daniel wheezed. “He came apart, Jack. That machine, whatever it is… it _incinerated_ him when it was done. God, that poor boy! He was just a kid. He just wanted to be loved.” 

Daniel went limp, his head sagging in Jack’s hands, completely drained by the experience. 

“And you _did_ , didn’t you?” Jack asked softly, already knowing the answer. “You knew him for a day or two, and you _loved_ him. Did he know that?” 

“Yes.” Daniel blinked. “He wanted to save me because I wanted him to come home with me and he knew he couldn’t. My salvation was his _gift_ to me.” 

He blinked again. His eyes seemed to focus. “Jack?” Daniel’s hand moved up and lay against O’Neill’s cheek. 

The movement had been certain. Daniel knew exactly where his lover’s face was because he could see it. Daniel could _see._

A wave of relief flooded through Jack. “I love you, Daniel,” he breathed. “This took a lot of courage.” 

Daniel sat up, both hands wiping at his cheeks. “I couldn’t save him,” he snarled. Then he looked down at his hands. 

“If you’d understood what was going to happen,” Jack reminded him, “Tinyar would still be alive.” 

Pushing himself upright, Jack raised his knees and embraced them. They’d made tremendous progress, but it wasn’t over yet. Daniel needed more if he was going to make peace with himself. He needed something from Jack, a piece of his past that he never touched. He took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “I couldn’t save Charlie, either.” 

He felt the younger man turn to look at him and was sure that this Daniel and the other O’Neill had never talked about what happened to his son. 

“I thought I had my pistol locked away in my desk, where it was supposed to be,” the Colonel admitted softly. “I guess I’ll never know for certain if I locked that drawer or not.” 

“You still blame yourself.” 

Jack nodded. “If I’d never had a gun in my house…” 

“You’re a _soldier_ ,” Daniel argued gently. “You wanted your family safe, and that’s what your sidearm represented, in _your_ hands.” 

“And death in Charlie’s.” Jack swallowed. “I’ll always have to live with that, Daniel; that I didn’t keep my gun out of his hands. That I didn’t get in that room fast enough to take it away from him; that I _had_ the gun there in the first place. I can’t change _any_ of that. I just have to accept that it happened and find a way to go on.” 

He lifted his eyes to Daniel’s and saw understanding and sympathy gleaming back. “I don’t know what happened between you and your Jack on Abydos, but I’ll bet you saved him, didn’t you?” 

There was no answer except a tightening of Daniel’s lips. He wasn’t going to admit it, but the truth was there in his eyes. 

“You took a staff blast meant for him, and then kept him from killing himself when he so wanted to die. Just like the other Daniel did for me. That’s our common denominator, isn’t it?” 

“Jack…” Daniel moved toward him, pulling him into a gentle embrace. “You don’t have to go back to all that. It’s over. I can _see_. You… you helped me… look at what I didn’t want to see.” 

O’Neill felt tears falling onto his naked shoulder and stroked his hands over Daniel’s hair. “Sometimes we have to look at the terrible things to see the good in ourselves,” he murmured. “You’re a good man. You’re a _courageous_ man. You didn’t know when you went after Tinyar if that machine was gonna kill you, too, but you were willing to make that sacrifice. Weren’t you?” 

Daniel nodded. “I wish I could have saved him.” 

“I wish I could have saved Charlie.” 

For a long time they just held each other, grieving together, healing together. Finally, Daniel straightened up and wiped his face with his palms. “We have to go back to Messenet, Jack. They’ll be choosing another Malbin for the next ceremony and we can’t let them do that.” 

“It’s _their_ culture,” Jack reminded him, holding his palm to Daniel’s cheek. “We can’t change a whole world’s ideas about salvation.” 

“Maybe not,” Daniel agreed, “but we goddamned sure have to try.” 

Jack smiled at him fondly. “You are by far the _bravest_ man I’ve ever known. I love you, Daniel.” 

“Thank you, Jack.” He rose and offered a hand to his lover. “I guess we should go to the base so Janet can check me out, huh?” 

“Good to have you back to normal,” Jack agreed, pulling him into another hug. “Let’s go. We’ve got a kid to save.” 

Daniel pulled back and kissed him, and in minutes they were dressed and heading out the door to the mountain. 

* * *

 

Portable lights had been set up in the temple. Parts of it were still being excavated following its discovery during the procedure to lay the foundation for a new building in the Messenetian capital city. A handful of alien scientists escorted the Tau’ri down into the main hall, explaining to Rothman what Daniel discovered during his few days studying the place. Robert then repeated the information in English to his companions. 

“The temple was apparently buried after a volcanic eruption,” he said, glancing around at the relatively untouched main hall. “The ceiling in this section was reinforced, so it’s held up under the ash and sediment covering up the rest of the structure. Outer rooms have been crushed and they’re under other buildings, so the Messenetians are being very careful with digging, concentrating on what’s most readily available.” He gestured toward the huge statue of a goddess in the back of the room, dressed in Roman-style toga, carrying a golden bow, her free hand resting on the back of a deer-like animal. A tiara she wore on her head still glowed with pure white light. “Let’s go check out Diana, shall we?” 

“I thought you said she was Artemis?” Kawalsky shot back irritably. 

“Same goddess, different name. Greek or Roman, take your pick.” Robert crossed the room, ignoring the piles of gold and silver, beautifully decorated pottery in near perfect condition and rolls of fabric that had rotted away to almost nothing; offerings for the goddess, no doubt; one who had long since deserted her slaves. The archaeologist stopped at the statue’s feet, eyes on the base. He touched the stone ankle, running his fingers down the straps of the sandals, over the massive toes, onto the base and the writing incised there. 

He began to read the text in its original language, interspersed here and there with Goa’uld symbols, his lips moving as he translated. “This is just the usual stuff. _Pay honor to the great goddess Artemis, earn her benevolent forgiveness, serve her,_ blah blah blah. Nothing new here.” 

Carter eased up behind him, peering over his shoulder. “Hang on, doesn’t that look like one of those page-turning devices we picked up on Argos?” She pointed to a metal object apparently imbedded in the base of the statue. 

Rothman reached for it and wriggled it free. He examined it closely. “Yeah, but I don’t see any pages to turn.” 

Sam stepped back and looked up. She pointed to the light-splash on the ceiling coming from the diadem on the statue’s head. “Those look like letters to you?” 

“Good eye, Sam. I guess I climb up there, huh?” 

“I’ll do it if you want,” she suggested with a grin. “I used to climb trees all the time when I was a kid, and I go rock climbing as often as I can.” 

With a sigh of relief and a slight grin, he handed the device over to her. “Be my guest. I can read the text from here.” He shifted his eyes toward the ceiling. “Right now it says, _‘I am pleased with your sacrifice. Live in the light.’_ “ 

Carter knelt down and unlaced her boots, removing them and her socks. Not having any climbing shoes available, her bare feet would give better traction and flexibility for scaling such an uneven surface. She unhooked her pack and removed her jacket, then took a rope and tossed it over the statue’s shoulder high up near the ceiling. Handing one end to Teal’c to act as her anchor, she hopped up onto the base and started up the goddess’s shin. 

After fifteen minutes, she sat astride the colossus’s shoulder. Carefully, holding onto the wavy stone hair for balance, she retrieved the page-turner from her trouser pocket and leaned close to the tiara, waving the device over the lights. The pattern changed abruptly. 

Then it went off. A hologram appeared, same size as the statue, looking down on the Tau’ri group with a mighty frown. The Messenetians ran from the room. 

“What sacrilege is this?” Artemis demanded, eyes glowing white. “You _dare_ to touch a goddess? You will be punished for your insolence. The skies of Messenet will darken as a sign of my wrath! I will hide the light until you have shown me proper obeisance.” 

Rothman listened to the message but did not look at the projection. Instead, he was busy looking for a source, and found it in the base of the statue. He put his ear to it and listened. “We got machinery in here,” he reported. “Whatcha wanna bet it’s some kind of weather device, like Teal’c said?” 

 He straightened up, eyeing the woman high above them. “Sam, you get down here and see if you can figure out how to get at the machine inside here. I’m gonna go tell the Messenetians their goddess is mad at us.” 

Carter looked grave as she nodded. “They’re not gonna like us very much, Robert. We need to fix this _fast_.” 

“I’m counting on _you_ to figure that out,” he assured her and gave her a thumbs-up. Without watching her descent, he went up the stairs to look for someone in charge, to tell them that their skies would be darkening soon, and why. 

* * *

 

 The Messenetian high council was in an uproar. People were filling the streets, panicking beneath the unbroken ceiling of dark clouds. Talk of an apocalypse was everywhere; all of it centred around the Tau’ri visitors. Daniel Jackson stood at a podium in the middle of the council hall, facing the long table where the council sat, arguing among themselves. Communication devices were everywhere, broadcasting the meeting worldwide. 

_“Please, just listen to me!”_ Daniel begged in the alien tongue, raising his voice. 

_“You have caused this!”_ Vilyu accused. _“You interfered with the sacrifice, and now the light has fled. You have damned us all!”_

_“No, that is not true,”_ insisted Daniel, concentrating hard on getting the difficult language correct. _“My friends found the machine that causes the darkness. They are trying to bring back the light without a sacrifice, and if you will just calm down and give them a chance, I am certain they will succeed.”_

_“There must be a sacrifice!”_ a councilwoman shouted. _“The goddess must be appeased.”  
_

 _“There is no_ _goddess_ ,” argued Daniel hotly, hands punctuating his words and slashing his hand angrily through the air. _“It is caused by a Goa’uld machine. We can prove this to you. We can bring back the light. You have no need to sacrifice a Malbin child, ever again.”_

_“You do not understand, Tau’ri!”_ called another. _“ Your_ _sins have not been forgiven.”_

“ _Maybe not,”_ he shot back _, “but I choose to carry them myself, rather than let someone else suffer them.”_

He could feel Jack behind him, watching, not understanding a word being spoken, but resonating with the passion reverberating through the meeting hall. _“You always choose a child with no family, do you not? One who has nothing to lose, no will to live without love. You shun him, making sure he suffers, making sure he hungers for death to end his pain. Choose a different child this time. Choose one of your own, one who is loved, who means something to you. Can you do that?”_

He looked into each face, each pair of eyes staring angrily back at him. They resented the idea. It made them uncomfortable. That was just what he wanted. 

_“You will not,”_ he guessed. _“You choose among the outcast, those who will not be missed because they are unwanted. It is an acceptable loss.”_ Daniel’s voice softened as he remembered Tinyar’s brave smile and tears as he ran back to the orphanage that last day. _“Tinyar was loved. He mattered… to me. I would rather have died in his place than have to watch him die as I did. Think on this, Messenetians. Picture your own child in that chair, taking the sins and regrets of an entire world into them.”_

His eyes filled and spilled over, a single tear tracing its way down each cheek. _“I would rather bear my own sins than give them to someone else to carry, especially a child. I beg you, give us time. We will learn how to work the Goa’uld machine that darkens your skies. We will show you that it is a trick designed to force you into obedience, and when we have done that, great council of Messenet, we will ask you to spare the life of the Malbin child forever afterward. I will ask you to make no more sacrifices to the vanity of alien conquerors and bear the responsibility for your regrets in your own hearts and minds.”_

A ripple of uneasy whispers flowed through the council. The First Council rose, her long gray hair tumbling down her back. She fixed steady brown eyes on him and declared, _“In three days, our crops will begin to die without sunlight. You have until then to prove your theory, Doctor Jackson. If you do not succeed, a new Malbin will be sacrificed. If that does not bring back the light, we will offer you and your companions as sacrifices to appease the goddess. Do you understand?”_

Daniel’s jaw set. _“I understand, First Council. Wait for the light.”_ He turned and left the hall with Jack at his side. 

“You don’t look happy,” O’Neill observed. “They looked pretty mad at us.” 

“They are,” Daniel admitted. He angled away from the hall, passing up the visitors’ wing where his quarters had been, heading straight for the orphanage. Brushing past the woman who answered the door, he went up to Tinyar’s room and opened it. The headmistress was in the process of boxing up all the boy’s things, getting them ready for disposal. 

_“Please permit me to finish this,”_ Daniel requested with a half bow of respect. 

The woman looked uncertain for a moment. She smoothed her hands down her apron, considering. Then she nodded and reached into an apron pocket for a folded piece of paper, which she handed to him. _“Tinyar meant this for you, Dr. Jackson.”_ She stepped around him and left. 

Daniel sat down on the little bed and opened it. Jack settled beside him, one hand resting lightly on Daniel’s shoulder. The archaeologist smiled, pointing at an odd scribble _. “He didn’t know how to spell my name in their language,”_ he observed. Quietly, he began to read aloud. 

 

_Fond Daniel,  
_

_When you read this, I will be Light. You will be free of all the bad things in your past. This is a good thing, so do not be sad. I had nothing and then you came. You loved me and I wanted to stay with you. I wish I could be your son now but I cannot. I wish we could have had many more days together but we had one. It was a great day Daniel. Now that I am Light I will always shine on you because you loved me. I love you too.  
_

_Malbin Tinyar of the Light_

 

Carefully, Daniel re-folded the letter and slipped it into the pocket of his dress shirt. He kept his hand over it for a moment longer. “He thought he didn’t have a choice,” Daniel said softly. “He wanted to die, and then I gave him a reason to live. I brought him _pain_ , Jack. I made him suffer even more.” 

O’Neill’s hand squeezed gently. “You _loved_ him. That’s all that matters, now.” 

Blinking back tears, Daniel nodded. “Will you help me collect his things? I wanna take them home with me.” 

“Sure.” 

It didn’t take long to get everything together. Daniel found a picture that had been made of himself and Tinyar that last day, one that the boy had put on his pillow. He slipped that into his pocket along with the letter and then hunted down the headmistress to give her instructions on what to do with Tinyar’s things. When he finished, he led Jack outside, intending to go to the temple to check with the team on what progress they might have made. 

That trip wasn’t necessary. He stood on the lawn where he’d waved goodbye to Tinyar and looked up at the sky. The clouds parted and a ray of bright sunshine illuminated him, bathing him in golden light. Tinyar’s words echoed in his mind, in the sound of that precious little-boy voice. 

_Now that I am Light I will always shine on you because you loved me._

Daniel lifted his hand skyward. “I love you, too, Tinyar,” he said softly. Turning to Jack, he smiled softly. “Looks like Sam came through. Think the Messenetians will get the message?” 

“They seem like pretty bright folks,” Jack answered hopefully. He turned in step with Daniel and headed for the council hall. “No pun intended, of course. You know me and puns.” 

“Yeah. You live for ‘em,” Daniel grinned up at him, peace registering in his soul. He had lost a child loved for too short a time, but hope shone in the lightening sky that no more would die on this alien world. The Tau’ri had shattered many a belief system in their uncertain progress across the galaxy, leaving freedom from tyranny in their wake. It would be difficult, searching for something new to satisfy the Messenetians’ spiritual needs, but if it saved even a single life, Daniel Jackson believed it was a bargain well made. 

* * *

 

“Don’t touch that!” Daniel snapped, batting Jack’s hand away from his face. 

“The blindfold itches,” complained the Colonel. “Lemme scratch my nose, for cryin’ out loud.” 

“Okay, but no peeking.” He glanced at his lover as he drove, making sure Jack didn’t adjust the strip of black cloth tied over his eyes so he could see out from under it. Once O’Neill’s hands were back in his lap, Daniel relaxed and turned his full attention back to the road. 

“Where are we goin’, anyway?” Jack carped. 

“That’s a surprise.” Daniel glanced in the back seat of his classic car, eyeing the boxes and shopping bags full of Jack’s personal things. He didn’t have much, but he’d only been in that universe for a week and brought nearly nothing with him. Daniel just hoped he wasn’t sending the wrong message by doing this. 

Pulling into the driveway, he put the car in park and switched off the ignition. Jack reached for his seatbelt and started to get out of the car. “Wait!” Daniel called. “Wait till I get there! I don’t want you tripping over things you can’t see.” 

“I can’t see _anything_ , Daniel, because I’ve got a fucking blindfold over my eyes,” Jack growled. He remained seated in the car, waiting until his companion opened the door and, taking his hand, pulled him to his feet. 

Daniel took Jack by the elbow and led him back down the concrete driveway to the flagstone walk leading to the front door. Once he had Jack positioned for the best view, he stepped away, moving at an angle so he could see Jack’s facial expression and not obstruct the surprise. Taking a deep breath, he let it out and said, “Take off the blindfold.” 

Jack obeyed. He looked behind Daniel. Then he made eye contact. “So? It’s my house.” 

“Yeah. It is.” Daniel felt himself grinning. He nodded. 

“This is where I _live_ , Daniel. It’s not a surprise.” 

Daniel’s smile faded. He’d been hoping for more of a reaction than that. He cleared his throat. “Um, you’ve been dead for a year, here remember? You left me this house in your will.” 

“Oh yeah.” Jack’s eyes went to the house. Wheels were turning. He looked at Daniel. “You kept it. But you didn’t live here.” 

Old memories resurfaced, bringing the loss back fresh and new, and just as quickly the pain began to fade. “It hurt too much,” he admitted, “but I couldn’t let it go, either. I hired a maid to dust once a month, a gardener to take care of the grass, put in a security system to deter break-ins and kept up the utilities. Only I couldn’t come here. Not without you.” 

“So you’re giving it back,” Jack assumed. “Does that mean I’m moving out of your place?” 

Daniel cleared his throat again. “We have appearances to keep up, Jack. Everybody knows I’ve been getting the place ready for you. If you keep staying with me in my one bedroom apartment, people will talk. Someone will figure out we’re sleeping together and your military career will be over.” 

“On the other hand, if you move into my two-bedroom house, no one will say a word,” Jack countered thoughtfully. He reached for Daniel’s shoulder as he headed for the front door. 

“ _Sure_ they will. I figure the occasional overnight stay won’t raise any eyebrows, but a regular thing would.” 

Jack shook his head. “Nope. You went off world without me and I made this brilliant speech about bein’ your bodyguard and everybody saluted. They know I’ll just be lookin’ after my own, Daniel. Where you go, from now on, I go. Hammond’s blessed it and everything.” 

Daniel frowned. “What did you _say_ in that speech?” 

A smile slipped across Jack’s mouth as Daniel fitted the key into the lock. “That you were a magnet for trouble and you needed a keeper, Danny-boy. That’s _my_ job now. And I think your recent mission to the Missionaries proved my point.” 

“Messenetians.” 

“Whatever.” 

“Your stuff is in the car. We should probably bring it in.” 

“After we anoint the bed,” Jack told him happily, “and the shower and the kitchen counter and the dining table...” 

“And let’s not forget the back porch, the couch and the upstairs deck,” Daniel added, stepping into the entryway. 

“Of course, some of those places will have to wait until after dark.” Jack kicked the door closed and descended on Daniel’s lips. 

“Mmmm-hmmm,” Daniel agreed. He pulled away with a soft, happy smile. “I need a keeper, huh?” 

“Oh, yeah.” Jack grabbed Daniel’s ass with both hands and smashed their bodies comfortably close. “And I’m keepin’ ya. You’re _mine_ , Daniel Jackson. You got that?” 

“Yes, sir, Colonel O’Neill.” Daniel saluted. 

“Um, are your pants saluting me, too?” Jack glanced downward and grinned wickedly as he looked up. “Yup. Thought so.” 

“I just love a man out of uniform,” Daniel teased. He turned and bolted for the stairs. “Race ya!” 

Jack let him dash upstairs, grinning madly, and wandered into the kitchen. He eyed the counters and stood up against them. They were a little tall, so adjustments would have to be made to permit sex on them. He strolled into the dining area and put a hand on the table, giving it a shake to test its sturdiness. Satisfied that it would hold a couple hundred pounds of sweaty men, he moved on to the sofa. He was staring at the fireplace when Daniel finally came back downstairs, looking for him. 

“Don’t you want to make love?” he asked, a little hurt by the lack of pursuit. 

“Of course,” Jack answered with a slow smile. “I was just thinkin’ and planning ahead. Do we have any lube upstairs?” 

“I haven’t exactly had a chance to buy some for here.” He fished in his pants pocket. “I brought ours from my place.” Holding the tube up for inspection, he waited for a response. 

“We’ve got a couple days off for R and R, right?” Jack cocked his head and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Our orders are to rest and recuperate, straight from General Hammond.” He tossed the Astroglide to Jack. 

“Well, then, what say we lay in a fire, open up a bottle of champagne and start right here in front of the fireplace? After dark we can go up to watch the stars a little, maybe christen the deck, and then later after some more champagne, we’ll call it a night and get some sleep.” 

“Jack, it’s August.” 

“So I’ll turn the AC down to winter,” Jack countered. He grinned. “Besides, I love it when you’re all sweaty and we slide together.” 

Daniel looked down at his pants. “I’ll go adjust the air conditioner. You get the wood.” 

“That’s the spirit.” 

Jack drew the curtains over the big picture window behind the sofa, headed out to the garage for a few sticks of wood, choosing pine and hickory for the scent, and carried it back to the living room. Placing the wood in the rack at the proper angle for a good slow burn, he put some tinder from the tinderbox beneath the wood, struck one of the extra long fireplace matches and set it ablaze. By the time the wood caught, he had his shirt off and was searching through the wine closet for champagne. 

“There’s one in the fridge,” Daniel told him. “You’re going to have a party tomorrow night. I had Sam and Teal’c bring a few bottles over while I was packing your stuff at my apartment. I carried it all in, by the way. It’s in the foyer.” 

“You’re so thoughtful,” Jack returned playfully. “See, that’s one of the things I love about you.” 

“Tease.” Daniel’s feet were bare. He was shucking off his pants and boxers, smiling broadly, eyes glinting with desire. Laying the garments aside, he came up to Jack wearing only his blue and white checkered shirt. 

Jack reached for the buttons. 

Daniel caught at his hand and then let go. He looked guilty. Ashamed. Embarrassed. 

Imagined pictures of Daniel’s childhood scrolled through Jack’s mind. He parted the plackets of the shirt slowly, knowing where to look for the first scar, so much pain written there on that lovely pale skin, most of it unnecessary. There were battle scars, too, earned on alien worlds and at the SGC, but Daniel never saw those. The only ones he ever noticed when he looked in the mirror were these small, round ones. 

Jack’s thumb brushed over one. He stared at it, thinking, wishing he could take the pain away. 

Daniel’s hand closed over his shirt, and he started to button it again. His face was suffused with color and he wouldn’t meet Jack’s eyes. 

“I love you, Daniel,” he said quietly. 

The buttoning stopped. Daniel let go of his shirt and slowly moved his hands down to his sides. Head still bowed in shame, he stepped closer, wanting to be held. 

Jack’s hands went between them and he unbuttoned the shirt again. He eased it off Daniel’s unresisting shoulders and let it drop to the floor. Jack moved half a step back so he could see Daniel’s chest, raising his hands to touch the scars, one by one. 

“This is part of who you are,” Jack added softly. “It’s not something you need to feel ashamed about. It wasn’t your fault.” 

Daniel just nodded, but he didn’t look up. 

Knowing fingers probed a long, pink scar on Daniel’s lower right side. “What’s this from?” Jack asked, already sure of the answer. 

“I had my appendix out.” 

“And this one?” Jack touched a ragged scar on the other man’s upper shoulder. 

“A Jaffa tried to take my arm off.” 

Four long parallel lines ran up one thigh to Daniel’s hip. “These?” 

“I was almost eaten by an alien animal.” 

“You’ll have to tell me about that one sometime. Just not now.” 

Reaching up into Daniel’s hair toward the back of his head, Jack probed for another scar he knew would be there. “And this one?” 

“Reese threw me against a wall.” 

“These don’t bother you.” Jack lifted Daniel’s chin with his fingertips, making the man look him in the eye. “Why should those?” 

“These are _battle_ scars,” Daniel told him. 

“So are the others,” Jack told him, “and as long as you carry the shame that monster instilled in you, you’re still fighting the war. Don’t let that bastard win, Daniel. They’re battle scars, earned in the line of duty. Be as proud of them as you are of the others because you survived.” 

Not a muscle in Daniel’s face moved, but the look in his eyes changed, lighting up his whole being. 

“Damn, you’re good,” he breathed in admiration. 

“This isn’t psychoanalysis,” Jack assured him tenderly. “This is _love_.” 

Daniel smiled. “I know, Jack. That’s what I meant.” His arms slipped around Jack’s broad shoulders and pulled him into a kiss. 

Together they descended to the blanket Daniel had fetched from upstairs, the younger man on his back, Jack sprawled half across him. For a long time they just worshipped each other with their mouths, lost in the movement of lips and tongues, the sharing of breath, tasting, drinking each other down. Heat from the nearby flames added to the fire smoldering inside them; sweat glistening on their skin. 

Jack pulled away to look at his lover in the firelight, fingers tracing the curves of Daniel’s face, moving down his throat to his chest. One by one he located the old wounds with his fingertips, the burns and the battle scars, tracing over them tenderly, massaging them, laving them with his tongue and blessing them with his lips. He listened for approval, waiting for Daniel to relax and let go of the darkness of his past. 

Daniel’s body undulated beneath him, a slow-motion dance of sensuality. Scar by scar, kiss by kiss, Daniel melted under the tender assault, Jack’s name a breath of love on his lips. The sound was liberating, tearing down walls in Jack’s soul that he hadn’t even known existed. He loved this man beyond reason, beyond rules and regulations. Anything Daniel wanted, Jack was ready to give. 

He rose up from Daniel’s belly and settled himself alongside his hip. Catching Daniel’s erection in his right hand, Jack gazed down into those amazing eyes. For a moment he just stared, lost in rapture. The heat in his hand reminded Jack what he was holding, letting his fingers skim slowly up and back down the warm satin of Daniel’s cock. 

With a groan of approval, the younger man closed his eyes, intent on the sensation of touch rather than sight. 

“Do you want a family, Daniel?” Jack whispered. 

Those eyes opened, glazed with desire, uncertain what his ears had just heard. 

“We could adopt, if you want a child to raise. Maybe even a Messenetian orphan, boy or girl. I’m easy.” 

“Jack...” 

“Just think about it,” Jack instructed softly. “If you want it, just tell me. We’ll make it happen... together.” He glanced down at his hand, sliding greedily along that long, thick shaft. He squeezed and heard a happily startled grunt. 

“Jack, wait.” Daniel sat up and took his lover’s hand, moving it away from his erection. “There’s something I need to do.” He got up from the blanket and left the room, returning a moment later with a sheaf of papers in his hand, neatly tied up with a black ribbon. He sat down cross-legged on the blanket and handed the papers over. “I wrote this... after Jack died, before you came. It’s my first manuscript in years. Fiction, of course.” 

The top sheet was a title page in bold print. _Dreaming the Gods_ by D. Nicholas Jackson. Jack untied the bow and unwound the ribbon, turning the title page. _For Jack,_ the dedication read. _Loved, lost and found._

O’Neill smiled. “I’ve never had a book dedicated to me before,” he murmured in awe. “Thanks, Daniel. I’ll read it later… Uh, I should tell you that I really like your books. Half the base is reading ‘em now.” 

“I know. People are coming up to me for autographs. It’s embarrassing.” He smiled shyly and took the manuscript, setting it aside on the coffee table. “There’s more, Jack.” 

Looking down, Jack noticed Daniel’s cock was softening. “Um… Did I do something wrong?” 

Daniel shook his head. “No. I have to tell you something important, so I want you to listen to me. Okay?” 

“Sure.” Jack was confused. Things had been going so well moments earlier and now they’d come to a screeching halt. He reached out to touch Daniel’s face, but the man caught his hand and held it to his chest. “Lean back a little. Just kind of prop up on your hands.” 

Stretching his legs out in front of him, Jack did as he was told, watching Daniel’s eyes. The younger man moved to sit beside him, thigh-to-thigh, face-to-face. Something was happening inside Daniel; Jack could see it gleaming in the depths of those azure eyes. 

“You _hope_ ,” Daniel repeated softly, his hand reaching up to cup Jack’s cheek. “You _want_. You _dream_. But you don’t _know_.” He leaned closer, lightly kissing the corner of Jack’s mouth and pulling back to make eye contact. “I want you to _know_.” 

His hand swept down, slowly smoothing over Jack’s throat, tickling through the hair on his chest. Daniel’s fingers combed through Jack’s pubic hair, swirling in a gentle grip around the base of his erection. With maddening tenderness, Daniel’s palm slid upward along the shaft. 

“This time will be just for you,” Daniel whispered. “Don’t think about arousing me. Don’t think about giving me pleasure. Be selfish, for a change. Take what I want to give you and don’t worry about giving anything back. Just this once, let _me_ love _you_. Feel _everything_ , all for you. Okay?” 

The look on Daniel’s face was incredibly arousing, making Jack’s heart beat faster. He nodded, so entranced by his lover’s expression of intoxicated desire that he couldn’t speak. His breath caught as Daniel squeezed him slightly, the sensation of pressure and heat deliriously wonderful. 

Moving his hand away, Daniel stroked down Jack’s thigh. With a light push, he indicated that he wanted Jack to spread his legs. Daniel lay between them on his belly, propped up on his elbows, his lips inches away from Jack’s cock. He puckered and blew on it, the warm air flowing against that sensitive skin sending chills into Jack’s groin. Daniel moved closer, touching the side of Jack’s shaft with his cheek. He rubbed his face all over Jack’s cock, and the sight was almost enough to make the older man lose control. He held back, waiting to see what Daniel would do next. 

Turning his head, Daniel stroked the long fall of his hair across that hard column of flesh, caressing it, rubbing it, combing it through his silky tresses, bathing Jack’s dick in the stuff. Feather light, smooth and warm and cool all at the same time, it was the most erotic thing Jack had ever seen or felt. Daniel was worshipping him and he felt that all the way to his core. 

“I love you,” Daniel whispered as he caressed himself against Jack’s erection. “I have always loved you, even before we met. I’ve been waiting for you my whole life, and now you’re here. You love me, and I don’t need anything but that.” 

He turned and kissed that hot flesh, speaking softly against it, his eyes closed. “You’re my light in the darkness, my shelter in the storm, the water in the desert of my soul. You’re the balm to every wound I’ve ever had, the beginning and end of every journey. You’re my breath, my nourishment and my rest. You’re my _life_ , Jack O’Neill.” 

He opened his eyes and looked up. 

Jack could hardly swallow past the lump in his throat. He watched as Daniel rose to his knees, eyes locked with Jack’s. Work-roughened fingers took possession of his cock and stroked it while Jack looked into those eyes. Universes unfolded before him, filled with adventure, terror and boundless joy. All that mattered was there in Daniel’s eyes, and Jack felt himself falling, tumbling forever among the sea and the endless stars. 

“Daniel,” he breathed. He wanted to see, to keep looking, to watch that face and its mysteries forever but his body took control, tensing as need built up in him. Jack’s eyes closed on their own and the sensation of Daniel’s hand cradling his dick was more than he could bear. He groaned sharply as his climax struck, flinched as his hot semen splattered all over him, sighed as his orgasm began to ebb. 

Hot wetness covered a small spot on his neck and Jack adjusted his position to brace himself on one hand. He caught Daniel’s nape, his fingers lost in that magnificent mane, holding his lover to his throat as Daniel licked up the puddles of semen decorating Jack’s torso. He watched as Daniel moved downward, saw the utter delight in the younger man’s face as he licked and nibbled, cleaning Jack’s body with his tongue. 

Jack closed his eyes and remembered the feel of Daniel’s hair against his cock. 

“It’s not enough,” he whispered. “I need more.” 

Daniel moved to his knees, licking his lips. “Tell me,” he begged softly. “I’ll give you anything.” 

Nodding, Jack stared into those eyes that he loved so much. “I need you inside me.” He reached for a cushion from the couch and pulled it down to the floor. Daniel fetched the Astroglide while Jack eased the cushion beneath his buttocks and lay back against it. At the last moment, he turned on his side as Daniel stretched out with him. 

Jack lifted his upper leg, draping it over Daniel’s waist. Daniel scooted closer, taking possession of Jack’s mouth as his hand skimmed up the back of Jack’s thigh. With infinite gentleness and patience, Daniel slipped one slick finger into Jack’s ass, probing and exploring. Moaning his approval into Daniel’s mouth, Jack rolled his hips, driving that exquisite finger deeper. 

“All for you,” Daniel whispered, breaking the kiss. “Anything you want, Jack.” He slipped another finger inside, stretching his lover, tantalizing him with friction and rhythm. 

“I want you,” Jack growled. “I want you to fuck me until I can’t stand up, Daniel. I want to fuck you till you scream. I want orgasm stains all over this house, in every room. I want to tie you up and fuck you, and then I want you to do it to me. I want to try everything, go wild with the fantasies. I want to go to Egypt and fuck you in a temple. I want to blow you at the top of the Eiffel-Fucking-Tower. I want you for the rest of my life, Daniel Jackson. That’s what I want.” 

“It’s yours,” Daniel moaned. “Oh, God, Jack! I never dreamed you’d be so...” He was shaking with need. He rolled Jack onto his back and covered him, asking with his eyes. 

“Fuck me,” Jack demanded harshly. “Hard and fast, Daniel. I want to feel you explode in my ass.” 

“Jesus,” Daniel swore, grasping his cock and feeling for Jack’s sphincter. “I don’t want to hurt you. You’re not ready yet.” 

“Make it hurt, damn it!” Jack urged, grasping handfuls of Daniels hair. He was so wild with need he didn’t care. He wanted it rough, wanted to feel the little pains afterward, reminders that he had been well and truly fucked by this beautiful man. 

“Godohgodohgod,” Daniel croaked. He shoved, sinking deeply. 

Jack arched, his body instinctively moving away from the pain. His eyes closed and he sought out the sensation of heat, embraced it and wanted more. He pushed back, driving Daniel all the way in. 

“Oh, yes,” he gasped. “God, yes, Daniel! _Fuck_ me.” His eyes rolled closed for a moment, lost in the sensation of those powerful thrusts ramming into him. He had to see, had to look into those eyes, to see if Daniel was enjoying it. 

Hurt gleamed back at him. Daniel was in pain, because he knew he’d hurt the man he loved. He didn’t understand a desire for pain. 

“I don’t want you to _hurt_ me, Daniel,” Jack explained breathlessly. “I want your _passion_. I want you to want me so much you gotta have all of me, _right now.”_

“Yes,” Daniel agreed. His brows pinched together slightly, still trying to figure this out. “I do! God, I need you so much, Jack.” 

“Not enough.” Jack was pushing him. He could feel Daniel holding back, holding on, afraid to truly let go, even in a moment of passion. He relaxed, aware that Daniel’s rhythm had not changed. He held himself above Jack, looking down on him, separate from him in that intimate moment. 

“Stop! Just fucking stop.” 

Jack pushed at him, trying to turn away. Daniel lay down on him, pinning him in place. 

“What’s the matter? What did I do wrong?” 

“You don’t want to give me what I _want_ ,” Jack challenged, aware of the anger in his eyes, wanting Daniel to see it. He wanted to push, to make Daniel lose control. “You want to give me what _you_ want. There’s a helluva difference.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

“I think you do. You’re holding out on me, Daniel! I want it all. I want your soul jammed up inside me; only you won’t give me that. You’re _afraid_.” 

Daniel’s heavy brows scrunched together. “I _want_ to give you all of me. I just don’t know how. Tell me how, Jack.” 

“You’re all about _control_ , Daniel,” Jack said huskily, an edge of anger to his voice. “You’re a big, strong guy and you’re afraid of hurting people, but you have to learn when to let go. If you’re going to give me what I want, you have to get past the boundaries you set for yourself. _Hurt_ me, if that’s what I want. If it’s too much, I’ll fucking stop you! Sometimes pain is necessary. It burns away resistance. This is a lesson you already know, if you’ll think about it. I don’t want any walls up between us, Daniel. Tear them down _for me_ , and when you’re ready, I’ll tear them down _for you_.” 

“I can’t.” 

Jack’s hands cupped Daniel’s face tenderly. “You _can_. All you have to do is _own_ me. Make me _yours_. That’s what I want from you. Daniel, I know you have the power in you to do that. Just take me. Conquer me! Love me with all you are. Burn away the darkness and shine for me. I want you to live in the light. With me.” 

“I’m afraid!” 

“I am, too. I’ve never done this before and it scares the hell out of me. I just happen to think you’re worth it.” 

Daniel’s fingers stroked through his silver hair, his eyes studying Jack’s face, thinking. Thinking hard. 

“Kiss me,” Jack urged softly. His eyes closed as Daniel descended on his mouth, willing himself to be pliable, to accept, to take and let Daniel be the one in the lead, the one driving. The kiss deepened, intensified. Daniel demanded and Jack gave. Jack’s hands threaded up into Daniel’s hair. Daniel pulled them down and pressed Jack’s wrists against the blanket. 

He started to move, thrusting into Jack’s body slowly, deeply. 

Daniel pulled away from his mouth and studied him. 

Jack saw the change in his eyes, the glittering need, the growing desire. It was beautiful, incandescent. Daniel’s mouth set. His lips pressed firmly together. His fingers laced with Jack’s and something hard settled into that beautiful face. 

It looked like _ownership_. Daniel Jackson was staking his claim, marking his territory. His thrusts shook Jack’s bones, scooting him stroke by stroke off the cushion. Daniel frowned as he looked down into Jack’s eyes, reached down and grasped the cushion and flung it away. He growled, baring his teeth, eyes gleaming. 

“God,” Jack breathed. He’d never seen anything so beautiful, so arousing. Something inside him sparked and blazed up. Daniel responded to it, letting go of Jack’s hands, scooping his arms beneath Jack’s back and gripping his shoulders. His thrusts deepened, speeded up, slamming into Jack’s ass. 

It _hurt_. Daniel was a wild man now, fingers digging into Jack’s shoulders for better purchase. He roared with need, eyes closing as passion built to a fever pitch. 

Jack couldn’t breathe. His ass was on fire and so was his belly and heart. He watched in awe as Daniel shouted, felt the spasms in his lover’s body as Daniel came, and when his orgasm faded and Daniel could open his eyes again, the feral look was still there. 

“ _Mine_ ,” he growled, touching Jack’s face with his fingertips. “All _mine_.” 

“Yeah,” Jack agreed. “Wow. Be careful what you ask for, O’Neill.” He grinned, deliriously happy. 

The wild animal vanished abruptly. “Are you okay?” Daniel asked gently. 

“Damn, Daniel, can you _fuck_!” Jack whispered approvingly. “My ass may have to take a vacation for a couple days but we are so gonna break this house in. Wow!” 

Daniel frowned, guilt and shame in his eyes. “I hurt you too much?” 

Jack shook his head and grinned wider. “Juuuuuuust right, big guy. I know who owns me now.” He reached up for a gentle kiss. 

“And vice versa,” Daniel breathed, relief flooding his features. 

O’Neill shook his head. ”Not yet. But you will.” He glanced around the room. “Where’d I put that blindfold?” 

“I’m _not_ doing the blindfold, Jack,” Daniel argued, pushing himself to a sitting position. “I’ve had more than enough of not seeing for a while, thanks.” 

Jack laughed, a dark and filthy sound. “I’m not gonna put it over your _eyes_ , Daniel,” he promised. “I’m gonna _tie you up_ with it.” 

Daniel’s eyes got that deer-in-the-headlights look. 

“We rest first, though. Have a little champagne. Lick the sweat off each other. There’s plenty of time.” Jack rolled to his feet, sorting through the shed clothes for that enticing strip of black cloth. “And I’ll have to find something to use on your ankles, too, of course.” 

“Uh, Jack...” 

“Yes, Daniel?” 

“Just how kinky do you plan to get?” 

Jack shrugged. “If we don’t like it, we won’t do it again,” he assured his lover. “Maybe we should make a list, which I figure you’ll be really good at, since you must know about all sorts of stuff from your culture research.” 

“Um, I do, yeah. I just thought we’d go with a little straight sex for a while,” Daniel challenged. “I mean, I’ve hardly blown the dust off my dick, you know. Recent former virgin, here.” He gave a little wave. 

“Daniel, in case you hadn’t noticed, we are _not_ straight,” Jack shot back. “And I’ve got a long history of sex behind me. I mean, I was married for half my life, so there are a lot of things I want to try. Are you telling me you’re turning down an educational opportunity here? That you don’t want to explore new territory?” He grinned at his partner. 

The naked archaeologist got the cutest pout on his lips and made Jack want to kiss him all over again. “Well, since you put it that way...” 

“Good. Now help me find that blindfold. I have a scientist to tie up.” 

FIN


End file.
